Charity case or Boyfriend

(…continuation) Sometimes it was easier to travel straight to Nakuru than up back to Nairobi. We spent at Waterburk hotel in Nakuru most of the time. I loved the leather studded sofas at the lobby and the gold made it feel like Hilton for V. V loved Nakuru in some way and she loved us spending at Waterburk, when I had a little less money we would stay at Capital Hill which had the best view to do a doggy from the window overlooking the whole lake and city Nakuru. Hotel windows and what not. 

I had a friend who had access to the members club there. So sometimes we would do that. Always wanted to play golf at the golf club in Nakuru and Njoro. But I was not there yet. Build a version of Lord Egerton’s castle, I always took V to the castle to show her what I was going to build for us. Minus the colonialism I think that building is really neat. 

But as I planned all these in my head. I had started to have doubts whether V was the one. I would stay with her forever. Even force myself. She was an angel, anyways so it would not be hard to stay with her. But you know angels have wings. And they can fly. Plus maybe I was like a rotten apple, and angels dont eat rotten apples. So maybe V would wash her hands off me one day. And leave me. That was my fear. But we had already done the trip to Lord Egerton’s we had spent a night or two that weekend at Waterburk, we had gone round the whole of Nakuru park in a day, we had kissed at the water fall. And V had screamed when I drove over that weak valley bridge at the fall. 

We finished off at Guava then one ontop of that bank on the lane where standardchatered. She looked very beautiful seated at the roof top of that building with all the glass and posh ambiance. 

“What will you have?”

“We try the sushi?”

“Have you had the sushi…”

We had had Chinese the evening before. Our stomachs were full, but my wallet had started starving. But anything for love. 

“If they are as good as the prawns we had at that Chinese restaurant at Giddo Plaza, was it Giddo… Then they are good?”

Guava upstairs. Complete opulence. Floor space like a ceos office. Seats like a the dinning at a gated community house in Kitusuri. Elegance, also the price tags… Well from all the fun we were having that weekend. V ordered food. I looked at the menu, did a mental calculation. 

“What did we order again?”

Then I walked to the washroom, locked myself in the loo, removed my wallet, counted the money I had in the pocket about ten times. It was just enough. But if V ordered an extra glass of water. I would not be able to handle the bill. V did not understand, I had bill to pay, a business that demanded money like the engine of an old Peugeot. Business that drained my money like a gazzlers engine empties a fuel tank. 

But I couldnt say No to V, cause I loved her. And I wanted a future with her. So whatever made her happy, whatever she wanted to do. I let I said more Yes and Yes to V rather than No cause I loved her. But then, love, love? Did we actually love each other? Did we? 

Anyways I sorted the bill that evening. Then we got to Nairobi. I was spending at V’s place that night. She had a shirt at her place for me. 

I remember sleeping on her bed and V removing her jeans kicking it to the dirty clothes bucket. She removed her top and her breast did a little jiggle she loved so lovely. 

I looked at her undoing her hair and my tongue got watery, I wanted to kiss her. Was there a way I could get a sign that V was the girl I would be forever with? Was I wasting my time being so happy with V while she was about to leave me? Its almost like she had started going on with her life like I was a ghost. I though V was going to undo her bra or let me undo it and we would be on her bed doing the nasty. V had a spring bed. Do you know how easier sex is with that. 

“Let me go shower…”

I was getting ready for that wild night, the moment she was going to get out of the shower. I would kiss her freshness, touch her wetness. The door opened.

I was ready. But instead of V jumping on me. She threw all her clothes on the bed. Was she showering so that I can enjoy her freshness? So that we could talk in bed? And moan in bed? Or did she shower to arrange her clothes? 

Well, did I tell you that I had started to seem like I was a ghost around her. She would go on with her life like I was not there. The little moments I slept at V’s place instead of spending that time to give me attention, V had chosen to tempt me with all the bend over only to arrange her clothes. 

She picked jeans, khaki pants paired them with shoes. 

“What are you doing?”

“Am fitting all these clothes so that they match and arrange them in my wardrobe…”

It was over an hour. 

“For how long are you doing this?”

“For two weeks, so that I have laid out outfits I dont have to spend so much time in the morning dressing up…”

Had we gotten that comfortable in the relationship. That she would do such things in my presence. I felt like our relationship was about to die. 

“So what do you think is a good relationship?”

I asked V. 

The explanation V gave me did not feel like the description of love. V told me her definition of relationships was if she could take care of a guys basic needs, food, shelter, clothing, ego and what not. After which, she said she has to take care of his emotional needs, that the guy should have more positive emotions that negative. 

“Which ones are those?”

“If he feels inspired, happy, encouraged, energetic…”

I froze. 

“What else?”

So V idea of a relationship is her being able to meet my basic needs, food shelter, clothing, ego and what not. My emotional needs then afterwhich she would give love. 

Her logic is that love can exist when people are hungry, but not so much, love can exist when people are naked, but clothes need to be there, love can exist when people have self worth, so their emotional needs need to be meet. 

I though V’s idea of love was too sterile. But she was an angel. I guess she was so used to mixing with the needy that in her head she had to provide food shelter and clothing, self esteem before she could say. 

“I love you.”

I wondered what made me different from the countless people V helped? Cause she did the same thing with them, sorted their basic needs, whether it was with my money or hers, her philanthropic heart, encouraged them and caused them to have positive emotions and then love came after. I felt it was a bit scientific. 

“But what if I have all those things and all I want is love. What if I want love and not those things…”

Almost all her clothes were hang, the outfits were hand together, the brown went with the navy blue and the shoes were aligned under the clothes in the wardrobe. Clothes for about two weeks. 

I felt V was too routine. She was an angel yes, but what made me different. I was tired from the naivasha, the driving in Nakuru, I did not want to start stressing about V. 

Thats when that email notification appeared. The farm had made losses. There was some disease that had wiped out quite a big chunk of the harvest. I felt the world sink. 

I should have called to ask what was going on, but I did not. I told V about it. V was an angel about it, but it was V’s mother who brought food for me to V’s room for me. Can you imagine I spend about four days in the house. I mean in V’s house. 

“I am not feeling well…”

Thats what I told guys at the office. It was not that I was even thinking about the losses I had made. I just ignored thinking about it. I did not want to think about my relationship with V, cause as much as I was staying at her place, I felt like she was a bit cold. Like she treated everyone the same. That the love she showed me was the same love that she showed a needy person. 

I started to wonder, was the business subconsciously stressing so much I was not thinking straight about my relationship with V? 

I wanted to make lots of money? I mean lots. I had worked quite so hard to come up with that Naivasha business, it was surprising me with losses and I had already gotten V accustomed to a certain kind of life, I had acquired expensive tastes, planes, nice suits, golf and fine dinning. How was I going to fund those while my business gave me such losses? Anyways I was blowing that money with V, she was blowing my money too not on herself on her philanthropy work, it was not enough that I was worrying about my business… I was also worrying, did V love me? Or she loved me like everyone else she loved, cause she loved everyone even her enemies. Did V really love me or I was just another needy person she was being philanthropic to? (To be continued…)