My Novel is Out

11 Jun

 “Bank & Wedding Aisles” 

A story about love, relationships & the hustle for money. Kes. 500 for online copy. 

Unedited draft is this one, the purchased version will have no grammatic errors, it will have better flow, will have the ending to this blog and for those whoever reviewed it, they say its 100 times more interesting. 

Book now!!!  

A good fruit rots 

21 Apr

(…continuation) We were going home with V. I was a little hungry. V was very hungry I guess. We were taking a bus that day, call it a matatu if you wish. 

“We get take away…”
There was a shop V liked to buy chrips from. It was close to those Pembes in town. Anyways, sometimes she complained that the person serving had an attitude. You know women. But since I loved V. I would be the one who bought what she wanted. 
Potato crips salted with a little vinegar and tomato sauce to deep. Sometimes we had chrips with chocolate. The sweetness of chocolate went so well with the saltiness of crips. But the sausages that were sliced with kachumbari poured in the middle. Sometimes we would over eat them and she would have three I would have four or even more so much we couldnt eat dinner. 
That day the crips were extra tasty. I mean the vinegar and the salt was in just the perfect amount. We were in the matatu. The music was just loud enough to excite and not irritate. 
There were so many beautiful women walking on the streets that day. I was seated at the window. V was seated next to me. I wanted to look at them. So I wore my sun glasses while I was in the matatu to hide my eyes. 
It was no harm, just looking. I loved V. But then I started noticing V was making adjustments to her blouse. She kept on pushing her chest out. Lowering her cleavage. I think she caught me looking. So I slowly removed the sun glasses and gave V all the attention she deserved as we shared the crips and enjoyed the mixture of modern hip hop and a little bit of love r & b. 
Things were about to get more beautiful for V. I had written her a love letter. In spite of all we had been through I wanted to remind her that she was an angel. A complete angel. So I gave it to her. We sat in jam as she read it and she blushed to pieces. 
V hardly ever goes out. But she had started to develop an appetite to go out. Her aim for going out was to take care of her slut friends. Thats what I understood. So as being the lovely boyfriend that I am. I decided to accompany her. 
Besides V had formed a habit of coming to my place everyday. Showing me love between the bedsheets every day. Afterwhich we would cook together everyday. She would then eat half her food and take a shower with no soap so that she wasnt too fresh for her mom to notice that she had been having sex. We had fun. She had to be half hungry when she got home for her mom not to ask questions. 
It was beautiful what we had. So when V said she was going out cause she wanted to take care of her slut friends I felt like I was the luckiest guy in the world. Cause I had a girlfriend who was a complete angel. 
I dont know whether it was the alcohol working on her or if she actually chose it as an excuse but I started to see a side of V that I had never seen before. 
There she was on the dance floor with any one that could dance. She was having fun. But I was sinking in pain. I was pretending not to mind. Watching her rub herself against other men. Those were my things, her things were my things, why was she letting them rub on other men? I pretended so much not to mind that I watched her dance a little but what I wanted to do was jump off the building. It was almost as if I was trying to hold my head with my hands and imagine an artificial neck restrainer so that I could not move my head and eyes from facing her. I wanted to look like I was not jealous but what she was doing was burning my heart like acid. A drop after drop every time she started dancing with a new guy and the dirtier the dancing became. 
I figured it was just dancing. She was just having fun. Maybe she was not used to that. V was an angel, she was taking care of her slut friends. 
As people got drunk, and as some of V’s friends decided to become friends with me. They started sharing secrets about V. 
And I was told, that there was this guy I knew who had really bad teeth. He had been chasing after V for months and months. Apparently one night V let him do her with a promise that she would never tell anyone that they did it. Would I trust the words of a stranger who was V’s friend? Would I? 
I started to think back. There was a day when it was raining really hard. It was raining so much that if it was sun shine we would all be under trees. The jam was so much, buses were few. 
Then a car drove right in front of where I was. V had been making some phone calls. Apparently she was calling the owner of the car. That was bigger than mine. It came and picked V and left me standing there. And it was embarrassing. There were strangers standing next to me. But they felt ouch for me. My mind started to go to such dark places. But V was an angel. There was no way she would have rubbed it on my face like that. 
The thing with emotion, well, it clouds judgement. S handled her emotions well. Can you imagine there was a day S was so sick she had been hospitalized. And the moment she was able to walk do you know the first place she asked me to take her. 
Her office. Yes, her business office. We got there at about 5pm. And she was touching the walls like she had missed them. 
“Why did you have to come to work?”
S told me that she had a routine. Whether she was dying or active. There were things that had to be done. 
She told me workers have to be paid. She sat there on the desk frail tired but she wrote the cheques. 
She took a walk to the waiting room and said Hi to the clients putting on a brave strong face. She wanted success more than she wanted anything else. That was S for you. 
I kind of wish I was that clear about a lot of things, that even when I was tired or drained emotionally. I would stick to the habits and the routine things that I did to make money. I wish I would make calls to the Limiru and the Naivasha farm managers every day. I wish I would read the emails and reports they sent. I wish I would write a report and business plan for my businesses whether I felt like or whether I did not. Cause maybe I would slowly have the same habits with S that make her successful. Maybe when I was successful I would be able to buy a bigger car than that one that picked V in front of me. 
Such things break you. The little things. But was it really little. I had to ask V. 
“Did you sleep with that guy? The one with the teeth?”
And just like that I lost a friend. V’s friend the one who told me that told me that V slept with some guy stopped talking to me. So it was true. V went to make noise at him I guess. 
All that time, I thought V was an angel, V had given me so many chances. But the fact that V kept to make me look like I was the bad one and she was the good one later for me to find out she did that guy. It messed me up. 
I was looking for love. I was looking for success. I know they say you should not work on emotions, you should use your head more than your heart. Did it apply? The same principle S used in business? That even when you are sick from emotion and you love a girl as much as I loved V. Then she betrays you like she did by sleeping with that guy. Do you ignore your emotions and continue to be with V? Or do you act on your emotion and drop V like she was a plague? (To be continued…)  

Feel it slowly 

21 Apr

(…continuation) We had ordered a chicken sandwich and a club sandwich. It was one of those dates at the members club. 

They serve it on big oversized white plates. The coffee cups are white and english. Tea in a silver baby kettle and milk in a ceramic small jug. You toss them together, the milk and the wet tea into your cup and you sip and enjoy the beacon, chicken, cabbage on the side, tasty, lettuce, toasted, perfectly cut, crustless sandwiches. 
The sandwiches came in brown that day. Brown bread has completely no taste in my tongue. I did not like it. 
We took a walk in the field, between the trees that were between the field cricket players played. We sat on one of the benches. The ground had absorbed most of the rain. The afternoon was dull yet as beautiful as V. 
She sat next to me. And that was the first time I learnt that my brown green loafers were actually leather. I did not know suede was leather. The sole of my shoes were rubber. I did not have any socks on she was impressed. 
We talked with V that day. And we discussed the way forward with our relationship. 
There was this time V had left her phone on the bed. She had gone to shower. The moment the shower went on. I heard the noise and gave into temptations. Her phone was in my hand. I was looking for dirt. 
V to my surprise opened the bathroom door. She had forgotten her towel. I quickly tossed her phone back to the bed where it was. But it was too late. V was in the room. The screen was on. I crossed my fingers, I crossed my toes, I tightened my matako, i did not want her to find the screen on cause she would know I had gone through her phone. I sat on the phone by intentional mistake until the screen was off. I was that close to getting caught. 
That day, after the rain. We had agreed to exchange our phones and give each other passwords. We had this crazy idea that is how we would take our relationship forward. I was sure V was an angel. So i expected to find nothing. 
“Give me a minute…”
I unlocked my phone. And quickly started deleting the incriminating messages. 
“Thats not fair why are you deleting?”
“Am not deleting.”
And clearly she could see I was deleting. The surprising thing was that V started deleting too. It was a bit confusing for me to see her do that. But she was an angel, so I trusted her completely. I liked her. No matter the bad things I had done to her. I believed I did not need to look for true love, cause I had true love with V. 
“Okay. Here…”
Like the last minutes in exams. When the teacher wants to take your paper away. 
“Stop writing…”
But at that moment it was. 
“Stop deleting”
There I was going through messages after messages. And something stood out. I did not see a lot of guys messages. Which was a bit odd cause V is beautiful, I expected messages that were not answered back. Not the absence of messages. What do you think? A pretty girl without any messages from guys except from her friends? Pretty odd dont you think? 
I was so in love with V. I ignored the signs. She was an angel anyways. Even though angels sometimes fall, V was not that kind. She was too kind, too precious, to loving.  
I was sure she had already got very compromising messages on my phone. But V already knew me. She knew my weakness. And it would come out strongly that over time I had started to stop, I had become less eager flirting with random beautiful women. She would see I had changed, V is an angel, she would have forgiven me. V looks at the heart and intentions. She would have seen I was doing better. So my letting her go through my phone would have made our relationship stronger. 
I started going through the conversations she had with her friends in her thread of messages. There was some flirting with some guys but it was decent. I mean, she ignored in a way. 
Then some old messages to her friends emerged. The one that hit me in my face was the one where she said that some guy had come over to her place. V did not like the guy so much. But he had been chasing her for so long. She decided to just open his legs for him. Just that once. And after the guy had left. V went to have a bath in the bathtub. Afterwhich, another guy knocked at her door while she was in the bathroom. 
Then one thing led to another and she did it with him too. I looked at the dates. Was it during the time we were dating? I went through other treads of messages. 
My heart was beating, i could hardly hold V’s phone in my hand. My hand was shaking. My body was erratic, unstable. I cannot even describe the feeling. 
In the same messages I found another thread where V and her friends were talking about me. That I loved V’s parents relationship, I loved their house. That V liked me. That I liked her. That I had cheated on her. That the girl I had cheated on V with had no idea how much I loved V. 
But even when I read that. I couldnt get the bathtub issue out of my mind. 
That week had been a crazy week by the way. The events that lead to that day when we changed passwords. I had calculated how much money I had and how I would spend it. 
But the money was not enough. I remember sitting in the office. I love green apples, they are crunch, juicy and nice. But the apple they gave me that day was red. It was mashy like powder. I did not like it. 
I remember going through the bank statement. The money was not enough. I knew the priority should be to invest the money in my Limuru and Naivasha business so that it can earn more. Rather than spend that money sustaining my lifestyle. But it was a disaster. As much as I calculated it was not enough. You know what happens when you dont make a plan. You plan to fail. 
That week I walked into my tailors shop. And he gave me a list of cashmere and silk blends fabric. 
“Just write me a cheque…”
I did not have the money. I knew it would ruin my budget. I had to be strong. So I walked out of the shop without writing a cheque. But when I was one meter away. I walked back. Wrote him a cheque. 
“Make for me five suits… Three black and two navy blue…”
I was digging myself into a whole. Instead of spending money in my Limuru business as well as my Naivasha business. I was buying suits. I should have invested so that the money would come in double the following month. 
That week, in the middle of the week. I had walked into Wilson Airport. With my golf clubs. Again, I wrote a cheque. I couldn’t just drive to Naivasha to play golf. I had to fly. I knew the dent it was going to have in my pocket. But I was with V that day. And I wanted to make her happy. I wrote another cheque. Further putting myself in financial ruin. Instead of spending that money on my Limuru and Naivasha business as re-investment. 
It had become a cycle of some sort. I felt bad after we flew back to Nairobi. And in an aim to get my mind of the financial ruin I had gotten myself in. I decided to take V out. I mean, it was crazy what I had done. I was supposed to use the money in my account to re-invest in my Limuru and Naivasha business. But instead, I had used it for leisures. If I had just invested that money, I might have earned even more the following months. 
But look the other way. If my cheque book was a person, and the leaflets in it were hair. My cheque book would be so stressed up it would be pulling hair off in agony at how I was mismanaging my funds. If cheque books were fat when they were new and mine was a person, it should have sold that lose a lot of weight in ten days self help book. 
But forgive me. I was looking for love. I wanted V to see I was a man who could take care of her. I was trying to keep her happy, as well as to make money. And wanting those things makes you do reckless things, eat today like a king and stay hungry for the rest of the month. 
“V how could you do this to me?”
“What?”
“The bathtub thing.”
“But it is not true love, I was just telling my friends that so that I can look experienced dear, honey, I was just saying that so that they think I was a bad girl cupcake, so that I could look good sweetie…get it?”
And there i was thinking. V was supposed to be an angel. She had made me trust her completely. And then there was this. It made me question everything. How comes she did not have messages from guys? Had she deleted them? Was she selectively lying? Cause in that same tread she told her friend she liked me. So was that a lie to like the bathtub. I was done with V. (To be continued…) 

Loans for love 

17 Apr

(…continuation) I was in jam. Along one of the highways, avenues. I was on a street where there were more big shot cars than your average cars. Thats why I was looking out of the window, with my mouth open and my tongue wet. Salivating. I wanted to know how it would fill to drive in one of those big shot cars. 

I was getting lots of money from my investors. Had learnt how to charm them until they were hard and wet. They gave me money for my business. What they did not know was that quite a big chunk of that money is the one I used to take my girlfriend V out and sustain my lifestyle. A keen person would have realized that I was living beyond my means. I was just looking at the car on my left in jam. 
I wondered what it would feel like to own such. Have you ever salivated like that? But even the life I was living was borrowed. When the investors decided not to give me money. How would I survive? How would I maintain V? And the golf? 
I rolled down the window. 
“What the f is wrong with you, cant you see cars are moving? Drive b****”
Yeah. Thats what you get for day dreaming in jam. Can you imagine I rolled down the window to talk to a seemingly respectable person and what they did is shouted that and drove off. 
Focus. Focus. Focus. It was crazy. Anyways the day went on okay that day. I remember we meet with V for lunch. 
“But I thought we were eating at Sarova?”
“No.”
“What about Trattoria, I like trattoria, the yellow and all the Mayfair feel it has…”
“No love. We go to the club.”
We were seated for lunch as usual. I liked taking my girlfriend V for lunch. We would talk then, cause when we were home it was more of tv and love making. Unless during the time when we were cooking together. Chasing each other around the kitchen with mwikos and sufuria. Okay. Not sufurias. Just mwiko. 
Seated on the table. V mentioned that I looked anxious. Maybe its cause I had a little invisible sweat. There was a lot of awkwardness. It was like I was suffering from something. 
“Excuse me sir…”
He kept on tilting his head to the side. Like he wanted to talk to me alone in the absence of V. 
“Its okay, you can tell me what you want to say in front of my girlfriend…”
I held V’s hand. 
“Your club card is past the credit limit.”
Kaboom boom. There. All the nervousness went. I had looked like I was unwell, I was suffering from broke. 
“…just leave the bill at the reception I will pay later.”
The waiter left. And I was with V again. Just the two of us. My loving girlfriend and myself. 
“Love are you broke?”
“Me, nooooo.”
I denied. Even put my wallet on the table. Started to show her one credit card after the other. 
“This one, this one, this one…”
V started giggling. 
“Give me the wallet then…”
“No.”
“It has no money right?”
The truth is I was broke beyond. I had no money. Even money for food was a problem, I was just lucky I had fuel in the car enough for the week. 
“Do you still love me? Thought it was for better or for worse? For poorer or for rich…”
The only place I could eat for free is the club. They would let me eat on credit. I would just pretend that maybe I left my club card, my cheque at home and they would let me. Plus. I kept on tipping the manager. 
V loved me for real. For better or for worse you know. In riches and in brokenness. She was a real girlfriend. 
We were to go home to my place that evening. I had told V I was going to come by some money that afternoon. You know what they say about money that is not in your account. Money you expect to be put in your account. When you need it the most is when people pay late. 
“Has he deposited?”
I called the manager to ask. 
“Can you tell him if he doesnt deposit the money by the end of the day we will not supply him…”
I think even the manager knew I was broke. Cause I was acting irrationally. Here was a customer I had had for a long time. All of a sudden I was making a fuss on when he should make payment giving deadlines which I had never done before. 
“Did you tell him that?”
“How can I tell him that? I supplied to him. He said he will pay.”
I guess the manager knew I was out of my mind. Anyways. I had no cash. I had not done shopping for about two months. V was coming over. What would she eat? 
I had to prove to her that I was an organized guy because before… You know. V had told me that I should plan for the future. Not blow everything like I was. I would make a bad father, paying school fees late for the kids and what not. So I did not want v to know I was broke. Plus she might love me less, you never know with this women. Besides we were at a tricky spot in the relationship, anything that I would do that made me look less attractive to her could be the excuse she would use to leave me. 
“I thought we were eating out?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
We were queuing at the pastries section in Uchumi. I got her a powet sandwich it had turkey and something. I dont remember. 
“We arent eating out?”
“Its late.”  
But my calculations were it would be way cheaper to get take out, cause if I let V seat down and order food oh my she would start ordering waters and small snacks on the side and then the bill would come and slap me.  
“Let me get to the butchery…”
Thats the other place where there was a debt. Getting meat on credit again. 
“This one is for your pocket…”
I gave him a small note as a tip for sustaining my debt. 
“Weekend ntalipa…”
And he was at least happy he had a little money for himself. Took the meat he gave me for free. 
When I was broke the routine was simple. Meat on credit avoid restaurants eat at the club. Settle the bills later. 
I wanted V to be happy, I wanted her to know I was an organized man. I wanted to seem disciplined to her. I wanted to look serious. Cause i had played with her heart like it was a joke. 
I had forwarded and rewinded the tape and every time we would pause V would catch me in a compromising situation. V was an angel. She deserved better. I had to be better. No matter what I had to be better. Was I doing all these, trying to change be more good to V and she was not the one? She had to be the one for me. She was a perfect girlfriend, an angel. I convinced myself. 
Things at the farm were crazy. There was a way you looked at things when you were out of money. I had to talk to my investors. I needed more money. I only asked them for cheques at a specific date in a specific manner and they had grown accustomed to depositing money in my business account consistently on specific days. But that day I was too broke to think straight. 
So against my better judgement I started acting desperate. I made almost a hundred calls, the small talk was awkward cause in the end what I asked was for money. Then the whole call made sense to them. It was vulgar. I almost called some people thirty times, leaving missed calls, flooding their sms and their emails. It was crazy. At the end of it I felt really shoddy. 
The same people I had taken for plane rides to Naivasha. Were the ones I was asking for additional small money. Its okay to ask for money, from investors but the hint of desperate makes it all yuck. 
But I was doing it all for V. I was not going to use any money they sent in the business. I was going to pretend I used it. But I was going to spend it on V and I for personal reasons. 
When the message came that a deposit had been made my a few of the investors. Oh my, I almost melted in happiness. It was a little but just enough to get me going. Enough for me to look like I was living okay until the next paycheck. For V to think I would make a good father. I felt ridiculous and embarrassed once the hunger for the money was satisfied by the deposit. How daring could I be to make such desperate phone calls? Never again. I thought of V, I wondered, she was an angel but do you people think she is the one? Would B have done things differently if I was in the same situation with her? Do you think I will ever feed myself from actual profit? Or I will eat my investors money, misappropriate it until they day they catch me and cut me off leaving me in the streets? (To be continued…)

The addictive routine 

14 Apr

(…continuation) I was in the office, my day office, not the office where I do my side business, the Limuru and Naivasha farm. But my mind slowly walked out of my head through my mouth. It swung on my tie like George of the Jungle. It landed on my shoulder, it slide to my wrist, it then jumped off my office seat and left the office. 

I was physically present in the office but my mind was far away. 
“I have been watching you…”
I turned a page of the file I was working on. 
“You have?”
“You have not left that page since the last time I was here about three hours ago.”
And sure I hadnt. My mind was far. I was thinking about V, I was thinking about money, I had this annoying thing in my trouser that kept on making a tent for itself. I kept on trying to hide the fact that my libido was so up high I couldnt think straight. All I was was straight all the time. I needed some. I needed to see V. 
That was my problem, I was addicted to V in bed, she knew what there was to bedroom manners, she went slow, she went fast, she played with temperatures, her mouth felt different, her lips too. Her hands did things, she brought sensation to more places than one, cause even as she touched me with her hands and lips, her tongue and thighs, she touched me with so many other things. The pleasures were too many, I always got overwhelmed, and who doesnt want to get overwhelmed with pleasure, cause the break point of pleasure is orgasm, just like the break point of overwhelming problems is stress. 
I wanted that. To me on my bed and V to be on me, beside me, under me. I wanted it so badly I guess I couldnt concentrate on anything, work, my business, simply anything. Crazy. Have you ever had such a moment, you wanted someone so bad you were absent minded all the time? 
And V had seemed to have kind of gotten more tired of me. She was my girlfriend, I knew her. But not well enough to know when she was avoiding me or when she was genuinely busy. I was sure her excuses to not seeing me were genuine but when you want some you simply cant do anything until you get some. Life of an addict. 
Maybe V was somewhere going to one of those schools with kids that come from messed up families, maybe she was telling them that their is better out there and that they should aspire to that. Maybe she was feeding the hungry, maybe she was trying to make happy the emotionally depressed, she was an angel so maybe it was selfish for me to want her attention in bed while she was out there helping people with food and other basic needs they lacked. 
But I was addicted to V, I was addicted to how she was in bed. V and I were at a bad place. She was my girlfriend but I did not feel comfortable to say exactly what I wanted to say. 
Just like you are never comfortable to say some thing. Like this time V was just from the washroom and she had spent quite sometime there. So you kind of know what she was doing. Then I had surprised her from the back. And we were doing doggy. 
She did not arch her back well, I was pumping while she was backing it up. I wanted to feel it nicer, rather than kind of squat stand so that I could ram into her nicely, I tried to press her back down, so that she could open up well so that I could fill her better. But she refused to arch her back. I kept on pressing her back down. Eventually, she gave in. But the smell. Those are some of the things you cannot say out aloud. 
I couldnt tell V out aloud to come over cause I had a straight problem in my shorts. I had to sugar coat it. 
“i will make dinner?”
“I make for you breakfast tomorrow morning…”
Such flowery words were the ones that I sent to her phone. 
When they did not work, just like an addict who wants some decides to do anything to get some. I started reminding V of the moments we had had together. 
“We can go to Sopa in Naivasha…”
If I could convince her we spend the night in Naivasha. I would probably get lucky. I reminded her of the piano, the wood, the design roofing at that place, the food at the dinning area, the buffet and the alacat menu at the pool side. The giraffes walking around the rooms, the nice views. She remember. But was not interested. 
I hardly had money to take her there. I would take her on credit, cause thats what an addict does. I was addicted to V generally, or was it her love, being in bed with her, I wanted her badly. So badly I couldnt concentrate on anything but think of her. I would borrow money from my workers to just pay, for a night with her. No, not in that way, I felt if she was not interested in me so much, maybe she would be interested in a romantic night out of town. 
“We get a massage at Sarova, the one at the park?”
Maybe V and I would get lucky in the park. And do it in the back seat as we looked at lions and stuff. My deer, sorry, my dear. 
“We go for the morning movie at iMax?”
“The one at 7am?”
“Yes. That one.”
All ways to try to get V to spend the night with me. I felt bad, I felt a desperate man. This was my girlfriend, and I was further messing my business by not working and by allowing myself to get into debt just to have her for the night. 
“Want to spend the night with me?”
When V and I were at a bad place like that? How could I say how I felt? It would trigger anger and maybe I would miss everything. 
“We go to Limuru? Kentmere?”
She loved that place. The card room, the terrace outside the card room, the fire place outside. In the open. Marshmallows and  whip creme, the one in the spray tube in Nakumatt, not the one you make at home. Chocolates, strawberry, grapes, wine, nothing. 
I ended up going to Naivasha alone, not on vacation, but on work matters. The Naivasha farm. It was crazy you know. I had not done any of the accounts, I had not written any report, I had not commented on previous work or made plans for the next month. 
Thats how I operated. I went to the Naivasha farm during the weekends. I looked at everything, the workers, the work, the reports the manager had done, then I made my report on the same. 
I commented on the staff’s work. If I felt they had been lazing around. I wrote that, for myself and for the investors. I also reviewed previous reports basically to find out what changed that caused the staff to start lazing around. And I came up with a future plan in a report to make sure that the lazing around stopped. 
This time I was holding a meeting as usual with the top staff at the Naivasha farm. It was pretty much routine. They talked. I talked. We exchanged files, documents and papers. 
I had not done anything. I had not read any of the reports or written anything. I had been to horny for my girlfriend to do so, if I was to write a truly genuine report I would have written something to the tune of… That I was about to spend all the workers salary trying to get into V’s pants. 
“Ummh what we are going to do.”
I kept using fillers as we talked. Its like everyone knew I hadnt done my homework. During the meeting people were smiling. I thought it was cause I was making really good points. Off the top of my head. At some point I even thought it was a better strategy to come up with points from the top of my head more than doing the report. I was feeling so energized. 
When I was talking to one of the staff outside the office after the meeting. 
“…even you sometimes am sure you are busy and you forget to write the report like you forgot this time?”
It was an unintended comment. Thats when I realized the presentation I had come up with was completely shhh. Thats why they kept smiling. 
I was feed up with all the pretending. The asking my girlfriend to meet me at Merica, Java, Kaldhis, Subway and the like… While what I wanted was to make love to her. I was feed up of pretending I was doing work, while all I wanted was to be with V and I could simply not come to terms with the fact that I was addicted to V and if I couldnt get a dose of V my business would fail and I would be sad generally. 
Well, okay, maybe my business would not fail, because I had completely neglected it chasing after a girl, V. I thought my business would fail, but when you put work in your side business for a long time, it kind of works for you even when you are not around. The managers knew how to write reports, they had learnt from me, when I failed to write a report that time cause I was chasing after V. They wrote it. I still got paid by my business that month, even though I had spend so much time chasing after V I had forgotten about it. 
As much as I was addicted to V and making love to her. As much as I had spent all that time that month chasing after V and neglected my business. Before that day I had put effort in my side business. I promised myself to continue to put as much effort in the Naivasha and Limuru business cause their will come a time when my relationship will take so much of my time and I will neglect the business. But when that time comes, I will feel confident cause it will run itself just like it did. 
I did not know it would be simplest to be honest. 
“V come over am horny.” 
And those were the words that V responded to and came over, not the other we go to Hilton, Norfork, Mombasa Beach, White Sands thing. However much it worked that day. I still dont believe in being too direct. Just like when you want to kiss. Its better when you move close to someones face for them to take the hint. Rather than being direct and saying. 
“Kiss me.”
(to be continued…)

Charity case or Boyfriend 

13 Apr

(…continuation) Sometimes it was easier to travel straight to Nakuru than up back to Nairobi. We spent at Waterburk hotel in Nakuru most of the time. I loved the leather studded sofas at the lobby and the gold made it feel like Hilton for V. V loved Nakuru in some way and she loved us spending at Waterburk, when I had a little less money we would stay at Capital Hill which had the best view to do a doggy from the window overlooking the whole lake and city Nakuru. Hotel windows and what not. 

I had a friend who had access to the members club there. So sometimes we would do that. Always wanted to play golf at the golf club in Nakuru and Njoro. But I was not there yet. Build a version of Lord Egerton’s castle, I always took V to the castle to show her what I was going to build for us. Minus the colonialism I think that building is really neat. 
But as I planned all these in my head. I had started to have doubts whether V was the one. I would stay with her forever. Even force myself. She was an angel, anyways so it would not be hard to stay with her. But you know angels have wings. And they can fly. Plus maybe I was like a rotten apple, and angels dont eat rotten apples. So maybe V would wash her hands off me one day. And leave me. That was my fear. But we had already done the trip to Lord Egerton’s we had spent a night or two that weekend at Waterburk, we had gone round the whole of Nakuru park in a day, we had kissed at the water fall. And V had screamed when I drove over that weak valley bridge at the fall. 
We finished off at Guava then one ontop of that bank on the lane where standardchatered. She looked very beautiful seated at the roof top of that building with all the glass and posh ambiance. 
“What will you have?”
“We try the sushi?”
“Have you had the sushi…”
We had had Chinese the evening before. Our stomachs were full, but my wallet had started starving. But anything for love. 
“If they are as good as the prawns we had at that Chinese restaurant at Giddo Plaza, was it Giddo… Then they are good?”
Guava upstairs. Complete opulence. Floor space like a ceos office. Seats like a the dinning at a gated community house in Kitusuri. Elegance, also the price tags… Well from all the fun we were having that weekend. V ordered food. I looked at the menu, did a mental calculation. 
“What did we order again?”
Then I walked to the washroom, locked myself in the loo, removed my wallet, counted the money I had in the pocket about ten times. It was just enough. But if V ordered an extra glass of water. I would not be able to handle the bill. V did not understand, I had bill to pay, a business that demanded money like the engine of an old Peugeot. Business that drained my money like a gazzlers engine empties a fuel tank. 
But I couldnt say No to V, cause I loved her. And I wanted a future with her. So whatever made her happy, whatever she wanted to do. I let I said more Yes and Yes to V rather than No cause I loved her. But then, love, love? Did we actually love each other? Did we? 
Anyways I sorted the bill that evening. Then we got to Nairobi. I was spending at V’s place that night. She had a shirt at her place for me. 
I remember sleeping on her bed and V removing her jeans kicking it to the dirty clothes bucket. She removed her top and her breast did a little jiggle she loved so lovely. 
I looked at her undoing her hair and my tongue got watery, I wanted to kiss her. Was there a way I could get a sign that V was the girl I would be forever with? Was I wasting my time being so happy with V while she was about to leave me? Its almost like she had started going on with her life like I was a ghost. I though V was going to undo her bra or let me undo it and we would be on her bed doing the nasty. V had a spring bed. Do you know how easier sex is with that. 
“Let me go shower…”
I was getting ready for that wild night, the moment she was going to get out of the shower. I would kiss her freshness, touch her wetness. The door opened.
I was ready. But instead of V jumping on me. She threw all her clothes on the bed. Was she showering so that I can enjoy her freshness? So that we could talk in bed? And moan in bed? Or did she shower to arrange her clothes? 
Well, did I tell you that I had started to seem like I was a ghost around her. She would go on with her life like I was not there. The little moments I slept at V’s place instead of spending that time to give me attention, V had chosen to tempt me with all the bend over only to arrange her clothes. 
She picked jeans, khaki pants paired them with shoes. 
“What are you doing?”
“Am fitting all these clothes so that they match and arrange them in my wardrobe…”
It was over an hour. 
“For how long are you doing this?”
“For two weeks, so that I have laid out outfits I dont have to spend so much time in the morning dressing up…”
Had we gotten that comfortable in the relationship. That she would do such things in my presence. I felt like our relationship was about to die. 
“So what do you think is a good relationship?”
I asked V. 
The explanation V gave me did not feel like the description of love. V told me her definition of relationships was if she could take care of a guys basic needs, food, shelter, clothing, ego and what not. After which, she said she has to take care of his emotional needs, that the guy should have more positive emotions that negative. 
“Which ones are those?”
“If he feels inspired, happy, encouraged, energetic…”
I froze. 
“What else?”
So V idea of a relationship is her being able to meet my basic needs, food shelter, clothing, ego and what not. My emotional needs then afterwhich she would give love. 
Her logic is that love can exist when people are hungry, but not so much, love can exist when people are naked, but clothes need to be there, love can exist when people have self worth, so their emotional needs need to be meet. 
I though V’s idea of love was too sterile. But she was an angel. I guess she was so used to mixing with the needy that in her head she had to provide food shelter and clothing, self esteem before she could say. 
“I love you.”
I wondered what made me different from the countless people V helped? Cause she did the same thing with them, sorted their basic needs, whether it was with my money or hers, her philanthropic heart, encouraged them and caused them to have positive emotions and then love came after. I felt it was a bit scientific. 
“But what if I have all those things and all I want is love. What if I want love and not those things…”
Almost all her clothes were hang, the outfits were hand together, the brown went with the navy blue and the shoes were aligned under the clothes in the wardrobe. Clothes for about two weeks. 
I felt V was too routine. She was an angel yes, but what made me different. I was tired from the naivasha, the driving in Nakuru, I did not want to start stressing about V. 
Thats when that email notification appeared. The farm had made losses. There was some disease that had wiped out quite a big chunk of the harvest. I felt the world sink. 
I should have called to ask what was going on, but I did not. I told V about it. V was an angel about it, but it was V’s mother who brought food for me to V’s room for me. Can you imagine I spend about four days in the house. I mean in V’s house. 
“I am not feeling well…”
Thats what I told guys at the office. It was not that I was even thinking about the losses I had made. I just ignored thinking about it. I did not want to think about my relationship with V, cause as much as I was staying at her place, I felt like she was a bit cold. Like she treated everyone the same. That the love she showed me was the same love that she showed a needy person. 
I started to wonder, was the business subconsciously stressing so much I was not thinking straight about my relationship with V? 
I wanted to make lots of money? I mean lots. I had worked quite so hard to come up with that Naivasha business, it was surprising me with losses and I had already gotten V accustomed to a certain kind of life, I had acquired expensive tastes, planes, nice suits, golf and fine dinning. How was I going to fund those while my business gave me such losses? Anyways I was blowing that money with V, she was blowing my money too not on herself on her philanthropy work, it was not enough that I was worrying about my business… I was also worrying, did V love me? Or she loved me like everyone else she loved, cause she loved everyone even her enemies. Did V really love me or I was just another needy person she was being philanthropic to? (To be continued…) 

Complaisant 

5 Apr

(…continuation) when you are in a happy relationship like the one V and I had, there is comfort. Then their is this state yiu get into where you just wsnt to let go, cause no matter how faded and old your underwear is, you expect a guy will still love you, which is true and which is great. But not in excess, at least for me. 

Suffering from a little low self esteem is good, cause you always want to make your girl happy, you always want to imoress her so that she can continue to remember that she made the right decision in picking you. 

“I love you.”

“I love you…”

,ost dangerous words. They have led to people being over confident in relationships, so much they stop carrying about themselves, they let themselves go, like a sack of potatoes, i was not going to become one of those men. Thats why that day I had a bow tie in my pocket.

As soon as I left the office, I went to the washroom, i looked st myself in the mirror, untied my tie nicely and folded it, put it on the breast pocket of my suit coat as a pocket square. Flipped the collar of my shirt up, wore the bow tie, then flipped the color of my shirt down. I wore my scarf, did the button on my coat. I felt I looked nice, brown leather shoes, navy blue trouser suit, stripped blue shirt to match with the trouser, brown bowtie tie to match with trouser, navy blue scarf silk with brown polka dots and a tie for pocket square too match. I felt i looked nice, almost too nice. 

I was minding my own business, standing outside Hilton st the entrance, just far enough. I had a match box in my pocket, I did not have a lighter, but trust me I have the skill to light up a cigar with a match box. Hit the smoke in the air like a boss, kick a stone or two, spin my phone between my fingers. 

“Hello, where are you V?”

She was going to be late by thirty minutes. There were some two men who were trying to say Hi to me. They kept on saying…

“You are B’s friend right?”

I shook their hands, then i felt awful cause I do not like shaking hands of strangers in the street. I should have done a fist bump. I know fist bumps sre not elegant but I really dont like touching peoples palms. Especially after all this Kanyari stories doing their rounds, 

That when B walked out of Hilton with a G4s courier parcel. I will not describe my ex for emotional reasons. But there she was in the flesh. 

“Hi…”

“Hi”

“So I heard you are dating some guy now.”

B my ex was happy and eager to let me know she was in love and she was happy. I decided to pretend my life was not going on okay. So i tailored my conversation to that. I think she felt happy she was doing better than I was. Her friends the ones who I was talking to left with her. 

It was hard not to think about B, i was tempted to start thinking about her but I had to stop myself. I wanted to call my friends and tell them sbout the insidence but zi had to stop myself, because she was my ex, and I wanted to completely get over her. 

I thought about myself instead. I tried not to think about myself and my achievements in relstion to B, do you get what I mean. I did not want to think about my side business and how successful they were in a way that I was trying to be such a better persin so that if i bunped into my ex she woulf think I was doing well. 

Maybe I dont make sense, but anyways, i wanted the success of the Naivasha and Limuru business, my day job and my relationship to be success that I wanted for myself. Not success inspired by my ex. 

And it was my success, my day job earned me money, but since I wanted ti do ebtter than average, I had started some side businesses, the Limuru and the Naivasha farm, they were additionals, i was not going to quit my day job, even though at that time in myself my boss could not tell me anything cause I really did not need that salary, the salary I got from my farm was enough. But I still needed more. I wanted my life to be completely dissociated from B my ex, cause the moment I started competing with her, the less happy I would be. If I was successful, more successful than B was I would feel good, but I did not want to feel good, I wanted to be over her. And thats why i did not bother to seem like i was doing well.

But even as I walked into Hilton, and threw the three quarter remaining stick of the cigar. I just smoke for show, i still wondered, was I really happy being with V. Had I settled? Or V was the perfect girl for me,

When V walked in. She looked so beautiful I literally stood up to great her. She wore this dress, oh my goodness. Then she placed a red box with a golden ribbon in the table. The golden ribbon matched all the gold at the buffet section of the Hilton’s ground floor dining area. 

“For me?”

“Yes.”

I unwrapped it. They were golf gloves. V had noticed the blisters I was getting from playing golf. She noticed that I looked nice too. I just hoped no one would confuse me for a waiter cause of my bow tie, but no one did cause I wore a stripped shirt. It was confirmed, that even when you are in a relationship. Dont let go too much, cause if V had let go, at that moment I would have thought about B. But I did not, maybe cause V and I had true love, maybe cause V had always made it s point to look hotter, to make me happier, the golf gloves. I would do the same, not get too comfortable in the relationship, forget about my side businesses and making V happy.  (To be continued…)

That small voice 

5 Apr


(…continuation) I knew what I wanted. I wanted true love, I wanted a woman who would accept me the way I was, one that will be with me forever maybe and as well, let me be. I wanted us to make money with her, build a castle, buy some cars and have a thriving business. I wanted true love, I wanted success. I had gotten a piece of it you could say but I wanted more, I also wanted to know whether V was truly the one. I mean she wad, but you never know. People get dumped all of a sudden nowadays. Is there any certainty really? 

I woke up that morning next to V, she was sleeping over. I had invited her the night before. I put on my gown, then walked to the kitchen after kissing her cheek good morning. I reached for the cabinet, picked four slices if bread. I out them on a big black fancy plate, then picked two at a time put them in the toaster, adjusted the toaster heat to about two points.

I picked blueband from the shelf, but then changed my mind and returned it, I opened the fridge and got real butter. It always made me jump when toast was ready. The slices of bread from the toaster always bounced out like golf ball under a perfect swing. Taaaah

The cappuccino machine had more than enough steam to froth the milk, the aroma off coffee, slightly burned toast filled the kitchen. I placed the frozen butter on the hot slices of bread, mixed it up with peanut butter. They all melted and filled the room with more aroma. 

“Breakfast is ready love.”

“Morning…”

“Morning V, you slept well?”

“Beautifully.”

V was still in bed, taking her breakfast. She looked so beautiful, i loved being in a relationship with her. Do you love being in a relationship with someone? It was fun more than it was work anyways, thats a good sign. I made it a point to tell V what I was up to, for example, that day, I was going to the Naivasha farm. For what reason? In the morming? I was on leave at my day job. I had the week to myself so I promised myself I would give proper attention to the Naivasha and Limuru farm. 

“What do you think about that?”

The words that came out of V mouth were always of encouragement. I mean, if V had nothing nice to say, she wouldnt say anything. If she disagreed with me or did not like something, she would not criticise, she would give a suggestion. If she for example did not like the tie I was wearing, she would not say.

“I hate that tie…”

She would bring another tie and say something like

“I prefer this one.”

Whenever I had doubts in myself she would be the one that i would go to for motivation. It was that simple. She was the ultimate angel. I had had doubts on how to spend my leave, but she knew I wanted to go to naivasha, she encouraged it, besides, I needed to stream line the proccesses there and in Limuru. 

There were certain things I wanted the income from Limuru and Naivasha to do for my life. I was thinking a Range Rover Autobiography wouldn’t be so bad, maybe one in black, are you seeing me in that? It would be my power car. I mean the car I woukd use if i wanted to assert my position in society. I also thought of an Audi, a simole one that looks relatively plain, but with a price tag that makes a Range Rover feel like its a bargain. It would be in white looking like a normal car, that car would be my disguise when I dont want too much attention. What about V, I thought she woukd like an S class mercedes, it has all the airbags to keep her safe, it has auto-drive, crystsl lights, it would be like her diamond, that heavy car. We can share and switch cars once in a while, but the Mercedes will mostly be hers, the Range Rover mostly mine, the Audi we will share, a Peugot convertible maybe, we will share and an old BMW well maintained antique, we share that too. How many are those?

About five cars? Well thats a reasonable number, besides if all goes well and V and I have about two or three children there will be no need to share cars we will just exchange. Thats what I wanted the Limuru and the Naivasha business to do for me, so when I got off from my day time job, I wanted to be around the Limuru and the Naivasha agri-business so that I could impliment some new ideas that would increase profitability and effeciency. 

“No, take the week off, go be with your wife and kids…”

The look on the managers face was priceless. I think he thought i was firing him. He was literally speechless and he was not in a hurry to walk out.

“Can I pick my things?”

“No, just leave everything the way they sre, just leave go and be with your wife and kids.”

“But my wife is at work and my kids are at school…”

Thats the advantage of being a boss. You dont have to reply to such things. 

“Dont worry, just go.”

“Can I pick my coat then?”

“No just go…”

Am kidding. I let him pick his coat and I sat on his desk. I was going to be the manager for a week. I must say, I loved the office, it had a bigger desk than my day time job, it had a nicer seat. Sometimes I wondered why I bothered to keep my day time job. But you know, the extra money. I did not want the manager to think he was not fired or fired, if he stole, he would think I got him stealing and I had suspended him. If he had done good work he would think the off was a reward, it was a win win situation. Besides, my main aim was to get the limuru and the Naivasha business to make my dreams come true so hiwever the manager felt was a none issue. 

I went throught the office diary, I went throught the records, I slowly realised that the manager does do so much work somedays, but somedays he did a lot of work. 

“Dont tell her am the owner…”

There was this lady client who owned a chain of hotels. She came to buy produce. She had her own transportation, some lorries to load the food stuff. It was my first day in that office, I did not know the procedure. I did not want the clients to know I was the boss, I pretended I was the manager, do you know that lady threw papers at me, okay not at me but on the table towards me, I will do it myself, you will not spoil my work for me. She made me feel like I was incompetent, she shouted at me in front of my employees. I just stood there taking it in. 

I should have just ran out of the office. As left here standing there, I should have ran out laughing, just left her there confused. But I didnt. I stood there and took all the noise.

I was like a zombie for the next like three days, embarassed to look at my emoloyees, in fact the night the incident took place, I found it very hard to tell V about it, because V believed I was the man, I was the boss, being humiliated like I was… v would probably like me less if I told her. 

But what is a small confrontation with a client compared to what I wanted achieve from the Limuru and the Naivasha farm? Exporting agei-business? Maybe one day i will be able to even buy for V and I a small chopper, we would park it at Wilson or at our home. It would be blue with grey leather interior. It can be second hand I dont care, maybe a house at Muthaiga, Karen or Kitusuri. But mostly Runda, no Muthaiga… Four floors up, it just got to be bigger than the ones next to it, just a little bigger. 

It has to be cliche in a way. I mean, if the president and other ceos in Kenya have three floor houses, who am I not to fall into that cliche? As much as it will be cliche, I also realize that V and I have our on personal ideas on what we want, jazzuzis outside, patio in the middle of the swimming pool, terrace on all the floors? An artificial lake…etc. 

Love needs a home, and the home V and I would build would be a castle. So i was going to seat out all the noise as the manager in the Limuru and Naivasha business, I would make changes so that business is conducted in a more civil manner. V thought I could accomplish anything, she never told me my dreams were too crazy. She was the perfect girlfriend, she was the Redbull in my Vodka on a club night out. (To be continued…)

Happy None-versary

5 Apr

(…continuation) the rainy season was near. The harvest season was over. I had made my profits, i was happy but the Limuru and the naivasha business brought more bills, heavy bills. We needed to buy farm in put, from fertilisers, to gum boots, to additional labour, seedlings and hire tractors. The cost of hiring machine was ridiculous. Plus they dug half was and demanded for more money. Often than not words were exchanged.

“Hello…”

“Yes, am in the office, i told you to be calling me in the evening.”

I hang up the phone. He called again. Maybe there was an emergency.

“They have done half of the work, the tractors are in the middle of the field, they say they cannot continue, that we have to give them more money.”

I hated the tractor guys. They were a cartel of sorts, just because I seemed well to do they kept on exploiting me. Whichever tractors I called, somehow they would exploit me. They had viewed the fields. We had agreed on a price and they had decided to stop half way. They did not accept money paid the next day, once they  held the manager hostage until i stopped what I was doing to send them money. I hated them. I had new plans, i was going to put those arrogant idiots out of business. How dare they? I was nit going to call them again to come and do work, besides words had been exchanged. 

“Are you sure we cant just pour seedlings on the soil and wait for them to grow.”

I was being stupid. 

“No, sir we cant do that. We have to contact the tractor people”

“No, dont call them, let me see what i can do.”

I called my girlfriend V, cause at desperate times like those when I was busy and I needed support V always left what she was doing to support me, but lets be honest, anyone in need V would support. But I liked to believe that she supported me better than anyone else cause she was my girlfriend and I loved her. 

“we need to arrange for a meeting with some ten investors, I will send you my personal assistant number you organize a party.”

“What kind of party?”

“A dinner, a dinner that will motivate them to write big cheques!”

“As usual?”

“Yes, as usual, Kempinski”

V and my pa sent emails to the investors. They sent 10 emails and followed em with hand delievered concur print letters. The date for the dinner was the date when V and I were to have our anniversary. In my mind, i figured, why not kill two birds with one stone. Take V out for dinner as well as convince the investors to contribute enough money for me to buy a few tractors to stop this nonsense of my being over charged and being treated as if the customer is not always right. 

I had planned the day well, B’s father style. I knew that if I wanted five people to show up, i would invite ten cause five will cancel. And five did cancel. I went with the routine. There were cigars, those brown things, I wore my moat navy blue suit, the one that looks like its made of cashmere and feels velvety. I wore a red tie with blue strips, a perfectly white shirt with blue velvet cufflinks framed in gold. I wore a black strapped watch with gold trimmings, i thought about wearing suspenders, but then again, if i wore suspenders and I was flying, the hatchets on the plane plus the suspenders would be too much, and there was no way I was flying with my jacket on in that heat with the window roof in that plane. 

“At what time?”

I could count on B’s father to show up. He was actually excited to see how plainly i had dressed. He did not know I spent so much time admirjng myself on the mirrior, that V walked in on me almost three times.

“Dont pretend you are combing your hair, just go back to the mirror, youve been there for about thirty minutes and you are already fully dressed, why do you keep on making funny movements when I walk into the room, dont you know i am seeing you…”

“No, i was just, I was cutting my beard”

V laughed,

“With what handsome?”

“My hands…”

Then I tried to remove one beard hair at a time with my hand. V rose from the bed, came to where I was standing. Then she kissed me.

“You look handsome.”

She pulled me by my tie and I thought she was disorganising the tie, then she touched my hair and I thought she was disorganising that too.  That was the morning, but it was the afternoon, B’s father was the pilot, the co-pilot were next. We were to fly to Naivasha, the investors were behind all five of them one came with the wife. 

Cigars were smoked, car engines were discussed, exchange rates and politics took most of the time of the small talk. And B’s father kept on urging the investors to buy a helicopter. When we were in the washroom with B’s father, at the farm. B’s father told me to take over and convince them. B’s father had already made them money hungry talking about new cars, buying a plane, travelling and what not. All i needed to do to make sure their investing in my business would be the bridge they need to cross over to owning planes, new cars and traveling to exotic places.

“So, B’s father told me you guys are also planning on buying a helicopter like his..”

Before they could speak.

“This is the opportunity to double your money to do that, you see food is the next oil you know, and countries are now developed, the entertainment industry is growing, and their is no entertainment without color and flowers, these flower business is like perfume you know…”

We flew back to Nairobi. B’s father left. The investors picked their wives, we were off to Kempinski, I was catching the bill. V’s mouth almost drop. 

“Of all this people?”

“Yes love, dont look so shocked, smile, make small talk with the wifes, make them your friends so that they can find it hard to say No to you.”

“I will try my best.”

“If I fail with the men, well, the wives will be plan out back up plan.”

Okay love. V was such and angel. There we were at the lobby, I walked in directing the investors up the stairs, cause we were not going to be all in the lift. I did not want anyone feeling left out. We ordered dinner. 

The waiter took out clothes. The appetisers were brought. Drinks were served. Food was ordered. Folks and knives were adjusted to suit the meal, they were replaced, drinks were served. Continental voices got loud, the drinks continued to pour in, I had to stop the drinking, cause cheques needed to be signed, commitments needed to be made, I was catching the bill, but it was just a meal and a lot of drinks, but the investors were funding my buying tractors.  V was such a darling, her smiling face. I thought the meeting went well, until I followed V out of the dinning area. 

“Its almost midnight.”

“So?”

“Its our anniversary…”

“Yeah, I know are you having fun?”

“Are you kidding me, am talking to people I dont know. Why couldn’t you organise another day instead of our anniversary to do you business things. Am i not worth it?”

We had to go back to the dinner. We tried to smile, but tensions were still high. I think I must over drunk cause we started fighting in public. I mean throwing words in front of the investors. 

“You know, this woman, she is so philanthropic, I dont even sometimes know wether she is nice to everyone and am everyone, i sincerely dont feel any special.”

V kept quiet and played with her folk. She clearly saw that I was tipsy and did not want to engage.

“Am being honest, I mean, you smile at everyone V, you bring mw lunch to the office but you can take lunch to everyone… You love everyone V, you are happy around everyone, you forgive everyone, you are kind to everyone, you are f good to everyone… What makes me different from anyone.”

She couldnt hold it in any more.

“But am dating you!”

We were making everyone on the table really uncomfortable. But to be honest, thats how I felt. I mean, V was a complete angel, she was an angel to everyone, she was nice to everyone. I did not have a problem with that, but how do you know a girl who loves everyone loves you more? Yet, V was complaining that I did not keep our anniversary special because I invited investors. 

“What do you want me to do, am a kind person, you want me to stop being kind to other people so that I can be kind to you alone so that you feel special?”

I had no words to respond, everyone on the table was uncomfortable, but the argument was too heated for me to stop.

“I want priority… Your money, your time, your efforts, I want you to have a hierarchy, heaven first, then your family, then me, then your friends, then you can give anyone else what is left…”

I hated myself for saying that. For demanding that V was kinder to me more than her friends and more than the beggar in the streets, it was a selfish thing to say. I was sure that the investors would not give me any cheques, maybe they would stop funding my business leave alone this impromptu money i needed. But i was high on emotion, V was higher on emotions. She walked out, the one if the wives if the investors followed her to the washroom to cry. 

“Be easy man, women are complicated, she loves you though.”

That wasnt an issue. 

“We were actually discussing before this meeting about how generous you were, we had thought you were too generous and that is sometimes bad for business, this dinner for example, but if what you said about V is true, then I think we are all happy men…”

“Why?”

“Because, you have priorities on who you splash your time and resources on.”

I hadnt seen it that way, but it was true, my motto had been to spend more time, energy and money on the investors that funded me more, than I spent trying to look for new investors. Loyalty, it was not a strike rule, but a guideline, I had enough money for the deposit for the tractors, the rest I would get through a loan from the bank. V’s issue, I would sort. She was my girlfriend anyways. (To be continued…)

Eat your fruit and plant another 

5 Apr

(…continuation) It was one of those morning when the sun didn’t violently throw its sun rays to the earth too early. It was one of those morning when all the watches and alarm clocks in the morning paused a whole two hours to give everyone an extra hour of sleep in the morming. I woke up to sunshines face, she was right there in my bed. V on realizing i was awake, sje quickly disappeared between the bed sheets and took care of business close to my thighs. 

The night before, I had made sure I lasted a little longer. She was like a kettle on the cooker, I turned her heat on slowly, slow heat, cause I wanted her to be turned on even inside. It had been her night, when my pleasure took a back seat and hers took the front seat. She was my priority. She actually slept smiling, when she woke up. Her heart had to repay me. I woke up to her sunshine.

It was the beginning of a new month, everything felt amazing, has that ever happened to you? One night you feel like your girlfriend V was about to leave you, you feel like you were in the wrong business? You are simply in such a bad mood you are tired of the struggle. Then you wake up the next day for no reason in particular and you feel thoroughly happy.

“No, love, stay here. Let me make you breakfast…”

There I was, in the kitchen, dancing in my boxers with no such on. Grabbed an egg from the fridge. Then grabbed the second egg. Returned the first egg, realixing V and I werent pigs. Picked out a bowl, turned the music on HomeBoys fm a little louder. Uplifting, hit the egg on the side of the bowl, it cracked into two perfect halves. Let the inside of the egg pour in the bowl. Aimed at the dustbin, perfect shot. I was on fire. Scratched the pan on the cooker, like chefs do in a fancy way. Did a small dance, uh uh uh oh yeah oh yeah. Stirred the egg in the bowl so that the salt sank in well, oil on the pan, shhh went the fire. Slapped the egg onto the pan. I was mr chef, V came to kiss the cook. I pretended I did not see her cause I was dancing in a very non manly way, shaking my ass and all. 

“I saw you.”

“What? Me? Noo.”

She sat on the bar stole. 

“I saw you dancing.”

I pretended that what I was doing was trying to adjust my boxers to fall properly on my waist thats why I was dancing. She laughed. 

I was starting the day off at the bank that day. There was even more good news, clients had paid for the flowers I had supplied them for export and to use in the country. Restaurants had paid for the food I had provided for them from my Naivasha farm. My bank account balance looked impressive. I organized my accounts on a monthly basis rather than a quarterly basis. 

So i wrote cheques to workers, did direct deposit, some I paid via mobile money. I put aside some money for V. She got money from her parents but I wanted ro know I could take care of her. When V started making her own money it woukd be an additional anyways.

I set aside some money for her food, to buy her clothes, i would catch her rent or at least a portion of it, if not that I would buy her something for her house, i would set aside something for her transport, maintenance, her hair, her internet, her tv subscription, her entertainment, it would be ready for her. I knew she had all these things and she could get them for herself, but I just felt nice knowing I had taken care of her. 

I always went to the bank with a car mug, you know Barclays Prestige started serving tea in their bank halls a very long time ago, and on days like chrismas and what not they also served snack like biscuits. I wanted coffee and those small office cups wouldnt do it for me. So i carried my car mug that was big enough to fit ten of those coffee tea mugs in mine. I saw the looks of those peoples faces, but that did not stop me one bit from serving the most milk rich coffee anyone has ever taken and I filled my coffee mug to the brim. I went on to finish doing the financial transactions.

Things were super good, my money was right, my mood was good, everything was going on okay that month. I had gone to the cliche ends to find V emotionally, i had gone to twitter, facebook, all social media sites, i had even fiund other ways to find her emotionally, i kept getting shy to talk about emotional things in her present, i rather texted her. I was happy cause that month things had gone on okay. Have you ever flet like that? 

I had bettered myself, i had found new better ways of doing the things that I did. I had found nicer ways to show V i loved her. I was not going to be cliche and let love grow, i let it grow but i fertilized that stuff I telk you. Made sure V was happy, made sure V was joyful, made sure she was comfortable, and I was looking forward to making her feel like she was more and more the only girl in the world. 

Because that morning, oh my, the things she had done to me, oh my. She deserved the whole world, and then a portion of the moon and my milky way. I would give her everything, all I was all the effort i was.

There were workers who did not have a phone, they did not like me sending their money to the managers, but I still sent the money to the managers to give them, but that day, i was feeling nice. Things were working out for me, we were st a good place with V, my bank balance told me that I ciuld take her anywhere in the country that following month, my bank balance had told me I had enough money for golf, tennis, squash and what not, and still some more for left over. I was happy, so happy I was agreeable. So i carried the money in envelopes and went to the farm. 

They quickly opened the gate cause it was end month. I called one by one person to the office and paid them, you should have seen the smiles on their faces. And i made some small talk. It started to seem like I was the only ome who was doing this farming thing right, i mean the agri-business, the food production and the flower planting. Everyone else who was in the same field did not seem to be doing as well financially as I was, 

I was producing more, i was selling at a higher price than the rest, i packaged my products better, i contacted my customers in sophisticated ways. I brought the luxury and the good service to the horticultural industry wnd food production insdustrty, i felt like business was going on well for me, cause when i walked out of the farm, looked to the right, looked to the left, looked up, looked down, I did not see anyone else. i felt I was winning. But I also remembered I needed to be humble, still learn from other people in agei-business even though they were not doing as well as I was doing. I was not doing well enough, but I was doing reasonably well. 

As I drove back home that day. I felt really nice, i felt accomplished. I felt like an athlete  that wakes up early in the morning to run in his Nike shoes and apple ipod, building the right muscles, getting better at what he does. Practise, practise makes perfect. I had been working harder than a Porche engine works, the result were showing, i had driven a Rolls Roys enigine, not the car, a plane, but the car sooner than later. I had put steps into being there for my relationship and I had made sure there was enough chemistry and electricity between V and I. She had come over to my place quite often. Basically, what I felt was that I was a success. I was enjoying the fruits of yesterdays sweat today, and I felt even though I was enjoy those fruits, I should sweat a little today so that I can enjoy the fruits of todays sweat tomorrow. (To be continued…)

Pop a bottle 

5 Apr


(…continuation)

“Hey, V”

“Hey… How are you?”

“Am good.”

“Are you at a place we can talk?”

“Yes, why? Did something happen.”

“Yes, something very good happened… Today, i…”

“No, no, dont tell me over the phone.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to tell me in person.”

“But I want to be breaking news to you as the first person…”

“…i think we need to be celebrating good news in a more elaborate manner. People nowadays celebrate bad news better than they celebrate good news, i mean they go out to drink when they get bad news… I want you and I to make good news more memorable than bad news.”

I agreed with what she said. 

“So, what do you suggest?”

“You will find me at your place.”

I hang up and even forgot that we were to meet with V at my place that evening. As usual I arrived after V had. I rang the bell, i could see that the lights were on so i was certain she was in the house. 

When she opened the door, i was shocked. My jaw was on the floor, my mind went really wide, I wanted to see more and more of her. She was wearing one of my white shirts, the white shirts proper. One that i always tacked into my trouser cause it was too long to wear open. But she was wearing that shite shirt as a dress.

The top she wore was my white shirt and below she wore stocking, or are they leggings, they were torn here and there. It was like she was dressed up, but in comfortable home wear. She had done her hair, V’s hair was partly to one side, and she kept on throwing it behind her face. 

“Hi loveeee”

She did not give me an every day hug. She gave me one of those hugs that when you get given you feel the sweetness of the apple mangoes on her chest. Not a padded bra, you actually felt those enlarged pears and the strawberry that rests on top of them like the peak of an icecream cone. 

V did not give me one of those normal hugs, she stretched her hands from far away to receive me in a hug. I sank completely in. I sat on the table.

“I have prepared something for you.”

She put on the television. She then switched on the music, so that when news started we would not miss it. I would just unmute the tv. She knew I loved news.

V took the napkin, put it on my lap, found my lips, gave me a peck. Took off my coat, hang it on the coat hanger. 

“Wow, what is the occasion?” 

“You said you had some good news.”

What was V up to? I kept quiet. Did not ask too many questions. Do you want plain water or sparkling water? Plain water obviously. Her pearl earrings, her casual manner, her lip stick in spite of the fact she was in pajamas, okay, i consider my shirts her pajamas. She had dressed up.

The lights were dim, but she put on a candle for effect. She served olives and scones as appetisers, she also served sweet mellon and carrot strips just one or two as we made small talk. She looked so nice, i watched her move around the house, from the table to the kitchen, her legs looked beautiful, i just wanted to rip those leggings off. 

Her hips looked wide, my white shirt on her just curved with her curves in just the right way, revealing just the right amount of excitement generating goodies. V was not dancing on the pole like a stripper, but she had made me seat at a place where I could watch her walk to and from the kitchen, that corridor could be a pole for all I know. Cause well, she cat walked completely. 

When she served me my food, she was all in my face, i mean, it was like she was trying to serve me the water melons on her blossom. It was sensational. 

It was news o’clock. My food was fineto. We we were to move to the sitting room to have desert after having water and food. 

“News time baby.”

I sat myself on the couch with the remote directly in my hand. She sat next to me i held her close. V reached for a pillow and out it between my feet. 

“I step on it? Instead of the puff?”

V just laughed cause I was clueless about what she was about to do. I was minding my  own business watching news. Then she stood in front of me. I was getting a little angry cause I couldnt see the screen. 

She then disappeared down. She parted my legs. Then adjusted the pillow so that she could lean on it. Obviously i couldnt watch news anymore. 

“No, no, watch your tv, i will do it very slowly so that you can concentrate on the tv, is that okay?”

Well, I tried to speak but words would simply not come out. I was speechless, literally, how could I have been able to say anything when a girl as beautiful as V was, was kneeling between my legs, pushing back my hand to the remote so that I could continue watching tv? While she did all the zip opening. She moved so slowly. She had asked me to continue watching news as she did her thing, all I did was not reply back cause I was speechless, i just nodded my head up and down saying yes with actions in excitement and excessively. 

Do you know that sometimes Sports news comes at about 10pm, an hour after news starts. Every time I was about to pop my natural bottle of Moet, she would stop, then she would touch my thighs and wait for me too cool off. Then she would go back to doing what she was doing again. She used her lips, she used the cheeks on her face, she used her hands, the under of her tongue. For over an hour.

It had reached a point that i was so much in the clouds that i just wanted to poo that Moet. But she stopped me. She would put her lips and retract after ten minutes, then after five minutes, i was so much in the edge she rounded her lips on me for two seconds and left before I popped. She stood up, she removed her shirt, she removed her leggings and there was her black gstring. 

She reached for my hand which was already squeezing the remote control uncontrollably, i was seated on the couch, i never moved an inch but I was sweating like the water spray on the windscreen of a BMW. 

She took my hand so that I could touch her large water melons just below the arch if her back, I mean her other cheeks not close to her lips but the ones close to her hips. I had to stretch my hands and lift a bit too reach her buns. 

I felt shy, I did not want V to see me, so I closed my eyes. It made sense at the time, cause what she was doing.

“Pull…”

When I pulled it and found out her gstring could be pulled up to her face. I just popped. I was too turned on. 

“I go a new client love…”

“Wow, am happy for you. Dont you admit, this is a better method of celebrating good news?”

(To be continued…)

One leg out of the door 

5 Apr

(…continuation) it really had become the rountiine. I had developed a very dangerous routine, on that would be the end of me. Every morning when my alarm went off and V was at her place not my place the only thing that would get me out of bed was thoughts about V. The excitement the thoughts about V would make me get out of bed, other than V, i had no reason to get out of bed. Have you ever been at such moment of your life. 

The reason why V was the one that woke me up, whether i slept next to her or did not was because life as it was that time had turn into a slow nightmare. Why was the joy in waking up to go to a job where i was demoted and it barely made me enough money to sustain my lifestyle? What was exciting about that rountine? In fact i almost did not like my job, at least it gave me some small salary. What was i to wake up to and you all know the state my Limuru and Naivasha business? I had gone to see other farmers and I simply did not like how they lived, they were simply not rich enough.

I had no reason to wake up. Thats basically what i am saying, no reason except for V. When my days became boring those days, i would just let my mind day dream about V. And then suddenly i would find purpose to wake up. Purpose to go to work, she was my motivation like the song is.

It started off slowly, i would be in bed, i would look at the colors of my bed sheets, some were grey, some where blue, i would look at the towels in my bathroom, some were grey, some were blue. Then i would wonder what V woukd love better? What kind of bedsheets? What kind of towels, such simple thing and such simple things would motivate me. But then again, it was dangerous cause I keot thinking about V, even though she was already my girlfriend, you do not know a girl really loves you if she doesnt get on one knee and somewheat gives you head whenever you snap your finger. Am just kidding. 

That morning, i keot thinking, V ahould live like a queen, it was my job to make sure she did, cause she spent her time making sure that everyone around her, even the house help, she made sure they had done house shopping for themselves for the month, that where she came from her family was comfortableor rather somewhat comfortable. Besides, V was good to me.

It was the thoughts of making V comfortable, happy and imoressed by me that made me wake up in the morning. I had renewed purpose when i woke up. Blue towels are nice, grey bed sheets are nice, i would still keep a pair of those, but any place you know that has comfort has white bed sheets, and absolutely white towels. I would also get white face towels, cause even though I love blue and grey, pink and maybe green, i wanted a bit of the cliche, i mean, if they say kings and queens in the world today have white towels and bedsheets, with high thread count of marron ones made of silk that absorbs sweat, who was I not to let V live like a queen when she came to my place?

In the shower i would think about having two shower heads in the same shower place like in the John Legend video. Such thoughts about being so close with V that we showered in the same bathroom under different shower heads with extra steam, shower heads and facets showering water from the ceiling, from underneath, from the walls, it was what made it for me. Such thoughts were the ones that made me get motivated to wake up in the morming. V gave me hope, i did not like that cause it was dangerous, what if V quits me? Would i lose all purpose of living?

But i simply could not help it. It was what worked, so I went through he morning basically like a zombie during the mornings that V was nit next to me. It got hikarious when I was in Galleria, Junction, TRM, Westside, or the shops in the upside parts of town, Westlands, Karen… I remember there was this time I walked into Truworths, Woolworths, Oppulence, Vivo, unbranded shops, small shops, big shops and the attendants rushed to me.

“What would you like?”

A very bright blue conservative shirt with white strips…”

And at that moment the shop attendants ran to fetch me that. I walked slowly to the blue shirts section. I wanted to see what they had, the blue shirts checked with white boxes, looked so elegant well structured. I loved it.

“Here you are sir”

In my mind, it was completely normal i was at the women’s section of the shop, next to the bras and the underwear. The shirt I wanted to get was for V. The attendants had brought me shirts for men. I really was thinking about V too much. The shops I went to, i thought about V, i forgot about myself because V was a greater motivation. Making her happy had become everything.

I walked out of the shop even after filling the trolley with things I wanted to buy for V. I had picked a navy blue dress, a grey and white pinstrip small stripped blazer, i had picked a black dark trench coat, all woollen and velvety, real black not this faded black women love to wear. I had picked the shirt, i had picked some pencil skirts, i did not like the shoes there, they were a bit over priced, i would pick the shoes at some other place. I knew V’s size.

What I did, and I got so embarassed doing was going with womens clothes to the changing room. If i wanted to know the size was a perfect fit for V, i would attach the belt to my zipper, then pull the dress away from me. I woukd hug the dress, cause I knew the distance my hands went when i hugged V. I would raise the dress, shoulder to shoulder with me, pretend to kiss V wearing the dress, to find out if the height was perfect. I was looking for ways to make V happy. When I got out if the changing room with a grey dress. There was this look the shop attendant gave me. I can never forget. 

It was not that i was embarrassed to pick any of those items. Thats not the reason why i eventually left the whole basket trolley full of clothes and walked out withiut buying anything. Because, when i got embarassed or depressed, i woukd think abiut what V and I would cook next when we were together. And i would make sure we cook some more because she had some plastic plates in the house that she used to serve a small portion of the food and take to the watchmen, the house helps and the stray dog that always came to my house thriugh the fence when V’s kindness was around, V’s kindness was around every time she came over. Thinking about such things would make me forget all the hardship of life. It was a dangerous way to live, zoning out to moments when I was with V when life got hard, was a dangerous way to find motivation in life.

Because, for the same reason, i had picked so many, dresses, bras, shirts, skirts for V, i felt i shiuldnt buy them, because if I bought them, and I wanted to buy them very badly for her, but if i bought them, while we were at that place we were in in the relationship, the point where you are not sure if V was going to leave me. V might end up leaving me, then I would regret having used my credit card on her the way i was planning too, cause I would use it until it simply faded from being run through the machine. So i left those clothes. 

“Hey V…”

She looked lovely, she was in a white dress, she looked so beautiful like a girl in a wedding dress only that the one she wore was so much shorter. V shared all her dresses, i mean literally all her dresses. She actually had two sections in her wardrobe, one where she kept the dresses she did not share with anyone, it had like two dresses, then the other section was where she kept dresses she would share with anyone. 

I mean, she lent out all her clothes, V admitted she did not have all the money in the world to buy all her friends nice dresses, but she did the next most selfless thing. She shared her clothes, and she made sure that she schooled her friends on how to keep those dresses clean and well. She was a philanthropic angel like that. You would be happy to be her friends, because if innovation is genius, V was very innovative in ways she could be a better friends, she was a genius in coming up with ideas on how she could be a better girlfriend to me. But mostly, she was a genius because she always developing innovative ideas on how she would be a better angel. She just wanted everyone’s basic needs to be met, then everyones emotional needs. She was in a white dress, the last time she wore it, it looked new. It looked a bit old, but it still looked breathtaking. She must have lent it to one of her friends.

“Dinner?”

“No drinks.”

We drove right in, up the small hill at Kempinki, turned right past the water fall with the sculptures, right to the under parking. We were guided to the lifts as usual. 

“Where are you heading to?”

“The bar, the balcony bar? Second floor or third floor?” 

It was as usual, quite a number of Arabs, kind of looked like Arab money, V loved the place all the time, the round pillows, the water, the noises they made in the rooms, the lighting, she really loved the lighting. The poshness of the bar, the selective lighting, shadows were cast at just the right spots, when i was with V, i never day dreamed much, i enjoyed her company. I wondered whether if I made my house to look the way the bar looked like and felt light, maybe have some lamp shades to cast the right shadows at the right spot, V would be as excited to be in my house like she was excited to be at at the hotel. 

Life was so much simple when i was with V, when I day dreamed about V. I was ready to give her all, but I was trying to hold back, instead of having buffet diner for example. I took her to the other end of the hotel, the Italian restaurant with the chefs doing their thing as you watched. The heated tables and what not. It was cheaper there, I did not want to over love V with my money, or my mind, or my effort, i wanted to think abiut her less, because it was dangerous, V was not letting me between her legs as often as I hoped she would let me between her legs. If she did, i would let her have everything she wanted. I did not want to resent her, like you resent someone who you do everything for and you start to feel they have done nothing for you.

I needed to face reality. As i drove back home after dinner, though i loved the appetiser the most, the olives and the breads or that is part of dinner. I thought abiut how dangerous it was to think of V the way that i thought if her. V was a dangerous motivator. 

I should face reality. I though. I should deal with the problems head on. The greatest problem was the losses the business made, my Limuru and Naivasha business made losses on occasion. When they did the staff found it hard to break  the news to me, they always broke it through a a third party. I would block thinking about the news, and dealing with it, cause I was spending time with V, or I was day dreaming about V. 

I felt i needed to face reality. I needed to think about my business more than I thiught abiut V. Can yiu imagine how far much more successful i would be if I did that? It would be a win win, i would be able to love V with all the comfort and literally give her the best of everything, even though I knew she would find creative ways of giving away or sharing with other people all i gave her out of the philanthropy of her heart. But it was okay, if i made her happy, by enabling her to give, then i was happy, i would work very had so that i had enough for V for herself and for the people she wanted to help.

Thats why i needed to face realities. Of all the people doing flower growing business, of all the people doing food production, at least the ones I met. I was the only one who was doing better than most of them, maybe I was in the wrong business, because if success in growing flowers and growing food looked like what they were. I didnt think it was for me. I wanted to be ridiculously wealthy. I needed to try my hand in other businesses, thats what i decided, i was not stupid to quit horticulture cause other people were not as successful in it. I just needed more businesses in addition, so that if one fails, the other would succeed. And you know what price that comes with? Money? I needed more money to start more businesses and sustain them to growth. Besides, i had started spending less on V cause I felt she was about to leave. (To be continued…)

No Make-up

5 Apr


(…continuation) i honestly do not know how I ended up with a girl as honest as V. I sincerely dont know how I ended up with a girl who loved me as sincerely as V loved me. V loved me with her kindness, V loved me with absolute generosity, do not think I am being excessively generous with my words, cause V loved me so much that whatever I bad thing I did, she handled me with peace, she kept her anger in check, she forgave me for my impatience, she was always patient with me, her company was good, she was filled with goodness, with her gentle heart, have you ever met a girl who controls her emotions so that they are always positive, and when she is sad, she is not sad because of what has happened to her. But she is sad because of what has happened to others.

I remember this night, i had asked V to come over. 

That day had started off just like any other day, cappuccino made at home, no one knew how to handle my coffee machine better than V did, my navy blue suit clean and pressed, V had taken it to the drycleaners. I always found it akward to give V money.

I know she was my girlfriend, but just imagine, i messed her flower in the morning so that we can both start the day well. Then i get into my pocket and give her money. Wouldnt that just be weird. I did it once, and well… She stretched her hand to take the money. But then again she stopped halfway. I wamted to put the money back into the pocket, so I retracted my hand, then her hand was stretched, and it felt like we were playing the I-feed-you-grapes tease in the kitchen. Where she opens her mouth, and I pretend to give her the strawberry to bite, but take it back. 

It is weird when you do that with money. Anyways, i gave her money that time. And it felt really weird. From that time onwards, i gave V my whole wallet. Then she would pick what she needed. Though I know about ten percent of it would go to the needy, cause V was an angel, sadly an angel with my money too. No one should go hungry, without shelter, without clothing. I let her, cause she said she felt nice when she made sure everyone she passed by in the street or in her circles of friends, should have their basic needs met. When there was a sale at uchumi or Tuskys, she would literally go buy new clothes and give a piece and another piece to the begger in town. She would give the watchman some little change to take the kids to school. She would smile at the woman in the mpesa shop just to make her a little happy about her job. V believed that one should be generous with laughter too, cause laughter is sometimes medicine and we live in a sick world. 

“Wana help me take my clothes to the dry cleaners?”

Then I would have an excuse ti give V money. I would give her in excess by ten times or so. I felt that was a more decent way of giving V money. We had a silent arrangement whereby she keot the change. 

My suit was neat. It was one if those days as I said before. I dressed up, looked at myself in the mirror, switched tie after tie, I wanted to find the one that just popped, cause my suit looked ill fitting, or was it in my head. I wore a golden watch, then changed to a silver one. I was not sure which one looked better. Should i carry my phone in my hand? Or should I pocket it? Does my hair need mire oil. V kissed me and I left for work.

I was to meet some couple of people that day, they were in Naivasha and some in Limuru. I wanted to find out how other people in my line of business were doing. Have you ever wondered that? Have you ever talked to your friends who were dating to find iut if they have the same problems as you do? If they fight over the same thing you do? How they keep the love strong! Have you ever talked to your friends to find out how they managed to have such successful relationships? 

I wanted to see how other people in my line of business were doing. I wanted to find out how people in the flower business were doing. How people in the food peoduction business were doing. So that I could be as successful as they were. I wanted to see how they did the things they did differently. 

“i want to buy seedling.”

That the excuse I used. Cause it would not sit so well for me ti neet a stranger and say.

“I want to see how you run your business…”

If someone told me that, i woukd think they were thieves, thugs, stalkers, so I needed an excuse. If someone told me they wanted to come to my farm, that they wanted to come to my farm to see how I ran my business, i would be suspicious. I would rather they pretend. 

“I want to buy your by-products…”

“Let me come to yiur business so that i buy seedlings.”

I would allow them. So i gave that excuse. That i was going to farms to buy seedling, but what i wanted to do, is find out how other business persons in my line of business were doing. 

“But I thiught you said you are here to buy seedlings…”

“What? Me no…”

My mind was so deep in looking at the business. I had forgotten to lie. So this fat guy was looking at me weird.

“No, no, no, I am here to check out the seedlings, so that I can buy.”

I tried not to forget i was pretending to buy seedlings. I was going round farms pretending to be buying seedlings, instead looking for inspiration, i was looking for better was to do business, but all i saw was average doing people. I mean, there were no Range Rovers, no Mercedes, just small Toyotas, no mansions, just standard small houses and some other people were just stuck in poverty. Basins around the compund, old pick ups on stones with gunuias on them. Maybe I was in the wrong business. Food production and horticulture were probably not profitable.

It was so crazy, cause that same day, i went to see B’s father in yet another office I did not know about. He was on one of the top floors. The building he worked in you had to get a pass at the reception for the lift to ooen on his floor. The silver and gold trimmings, the wood and the glass, the careful modern art and the naked women art in the mens washroom with fresh flowers… The car park, the big cars, dis you know people have Ferraris in Kenya? Roll Roys! Bentleys? 

His office was of real marble, a chef for office lunch, pastries served in the conference room, fresh bread backed in the office kitchen, the excesses. That was the business I should be in. But then the business B’s father was in was the business of fraud, the business B’s father was in was the business of corruption, dirty money. But it was the dirty money that allowed for the golden framed brown leather office seats. Crazy! Crazy. 

“Hey…”

They poured me an espresso milk shake. Are you kidding? They have an office menu where you order anything for free. I wanted B’s father’s life. And b’s father had told me, the only way is his way.

“Have you found a system?”

B’s father moved from his desk. We sat on the green puffy leather seats that formed a somewhat sitting room in his office. He switched on the television on low volume. 

“Have you found a system of getting your investors to give you more money?”

B’s father wanted me to find a system. He wanted me to find a way of picking women like a guy has a particular bar he uses to pick women. He wanted me to have a pick-up line to get investors to fall in love with me so much they would give me a cheque just like a smooth guy is given a place to sink himself in on the first date. He wanted me to get a strategy of impressing the clients, the investors mostly though. He had suggested I create the illusion of success. If i flew an investor to Naivasha or the Limuru farm, he would give me a blank cheque. 

B’s father sipped his chai. And as he sipped it and adjusted himself into the seat more comfortably. I felt it. I felt how success smelled, like leather sofas, white crispy clean shirts, mute red ties, light bright red carpets, leather shoes that are so clean from all the chauffeurs and walking on red carpets. Maybe i should just follow in B’s father footsteps. 

“I think you are a bit preoccupied today. Can we do this some other time?”

“Please. I have so many thought in my head.”

He paused. I guess b’s father did not expect I would leave the cinversation like that. He was a big shot, his time was a privillage, but I was confused. I was disillusioned. The businesses I was in, the Limuru and the Naivasha business, if their owners lived the way they did. Was that the area of business I wanted to be in? 

“Could it be B?”

“No, V is okay.”

“Pardon?”

“I meant B is okay…”

I had almost blundered. I checked his face. Did B’s father notice that the mistake I made was genuine? But it was all a lie. b’s father thought I was dating her daughter. All the lies. 

“We can reschedule.”

My espresso shake was half empty. I quickly greated B’s father, did not know wherether to hug him. Did not know what to say. I dropped my phone. I over banged the door, i apologized for banging the door. Then i banged it again. The apologized for banging it. I said bye to the first receptionist, it felt weird, then I did not say bye to the second receptionist. She looked at me with a smack. Did she think I was too good to say Bye to a receptionist? You had to go through some three or two receptionist to sew B’s father. Maybe four waiting rooms. I wanted that life. 

As if the day wouldn’t get any worse. We were to meet with V for coffee. And the way she looked at me. Was i not good enough for her? Were my shoes not right? Was I over dressed? Was I under dress? Was my watch too old? Was my face not okay for her! Was my body structure not okay for her? Was my frame not good for her? 

Did I look like B’s friends? Did i wear my face with a smack, like a show off? Did i pay too much attention to the type of suit I wore? Were all these excesses in bad taste to V? Cause all of a sudden, the same girl that i woke up to that morning looked at me funny. The suit I had worn that she had taken for dry-cleaning suddenly did not feel right for her. Maybe i was wrong, cause after a while…

V started to encourage me, that i was a pretty much successful guy. V told me it was those other business men in my industry that should come to my farm and look for inspiration. That i was the one that was supposed to be their mentor. I felt like the date went on so well, it was all in my mind, thinking that V was disgusted by me, not attracted to my ways.

“Enjoy your night. Thanks for coming with me for coffee.”

When I got home. I called V to thank her for uplifting my mood. 

“We do coffee again?”

V was quiet. 

“We do coffee again?”

V was quiet.

I looked at the screen on my phone. V was still on the line. 

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“We do coffee again?”

V was silent. 

“Good night?”

“Good night.” 

I was depressed. V my girlfriend. The angel. (To be continued…)

Don’t care about them 

3 Apr

(…continuation) V was not very happy with me. I could tell from the way she looked at me when I woke up in the morning. Sometimes my eyes were appeared to be shut but I could see the look on v’s face. She was completely not happy with me. The fact that I had admitted and given B’s name as the girl I had cheated on her with had really spoilt everything. It was all V was thinking about. 

I knew B had a hand in all this, because B had started making friend with V’s friends. B hang out with V’s friends and corrupted her mind. So that all v could think about were the bad things that I had done. Never the good.

As a result the sex had become routine. In the morning I wouldget on top of V, I would do my thing, she would somewhat pant and moan but not quite and when it was done she would fold onto the side of her bed and I would fold into mine. I felt it was cold, I wanted V to lie on my chest at least. I can’t believe I wanted to cuddle V. but I did v was an awesome girl, she was beautiful, I had loved her and what I had done with b did not mean I did not love V.

As a result, I started to have dull days. Thoughts about how sad V was made me sad. i wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted V to love me the way she did. I was not ready to deal with V new attitude. 

I took a shower. I thought about getting back to bed but I had work and work had to be done. That is how I started to day dream, my life was too dull and I couldn’t move pass through it with thoughts about reality. I needed to take a mind trip.

So I boarded the plane, with the tickets I my hand and I let my mind wonder to a better place. I imagined myself as b’s father. I imagined I lived in Muthaiga or a place similar like B’s father did. I imagined my car pack looked like B’s father. That it was literally like a hall. The biggest latest model of Mercedes, the Range Rover which is the Mercedes of our time, the Audi which if Mercedes doesn’t watch out will be the Mercedes of our kids time. I thought about having my own lawn tennis clay court at the roof top of my house, with trees to at the top of my houseand a tee off area still at the roof top of my house. 

I imagined having a hot wife, a girl like V, but I did not want to think too much of that. Would she be the girl who leave me in bed walks in front of me in white lacey underwear to go to the washroom or has a bathtub in the middle of the room watching tv. I wanted V to me with me forever unfortunately she acted in the manner she acted me and that drowned my heart.

I was doing the roundabout, my mind was not on the road, mymind was in fantasy world. That was the way I had planned to deal with my problems with V. I had decided to escape them and simply think about the future, I was in fantasy world, I overtook cars, cars overtook me, I drove like a zombie thinking of my future with V.

I imagined myself driving those high end cars, never repeat a carfor a week, wear it like underwear. B’s father had gotten to be, I thought of darker fabrics, cashmere suits, was that possible. Have you ever seen a really dark navy blue suit, the perfect fit? I wanted the uniform for billionaires. I imagined wearing that. 

I imagined posh working hours, maybe do a golf game in the morning on Friday and get to work at about 10am. I thought about doing strict working hours from eight to five pm so that I could have a life and I could enjoy my hobbies. Probably have someone do my work for me. That is the life I wanted, the good life. 

But what was I running from? Even though I kept day dreaming, I would have to face V in the evening.. I couldn’t live in fantasy world all day. I had to face the reality. I had to account for how badly I had spent the money from my farm, I had to account to how I had spent the money from investors, I had to account eventually. 

S told me that. She believed that I had to account to my actions, that all my actions whether good or bad will come back to me. And if I spent my efforts and time well then I would get good things in return. On the other hand b’s father had advised me to blame my juniors and when I made profit what I should do is take the credit boss style.

In fact considering B’s fathers life style. B’s father would not even advice my coming clean with V. okay maybe cause he thought her daughter was involved. But himself he never comes clean. I know the number of houses he has. When a man gets an extra house that his wife has no idea of and full furnishes it, there is no doubt that he intends to live a double life and not Just that he intends to live a double life, he has planned to do it. 

B’s father was a very focused person. He must have day dreamed better than I did. I mean, he must have imagined himself owning half of Nairobi and then slowly, he went on to acquire one piece after another, I bet the idea was ridiculous at first but with time it becomes more viable after getting used to think in a certain way. 

I remember how it started. I needed extra income cause I was in financial disaster. I had so much debt and there was no way I was going to downgrade the way I lived. I was not going to subscribe to a cheaper dstv channel, I was not going to downgrade from Barclays Prestige, I was not going to cancel and club memberships, I was not going to stop shopping at Woolworths and Sir Henrys, I was not going to stop shopping at Manix, I was not going to stop having coffee at ArtCaffe, I was not going to stop driving the car I was driving, I was not going to buy my girl smaller gifts. But my income had reduced, I had gotten demoted cause of B. yet I continued to live the life like nothing had happened. 

I got into debt, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize if you acted that mindlessly you would get into problems. My relationships with my friends, my relationship with my co-workers soured cause I was forcing to live large. 

But I dreamed. I looked out of the window in traffic; I looked out of my car and saw bigger cars. I wanted them, I first started dreaming of bigger paycheck and that was what got me through the day. Then I started dreaming of plans on how to get them and the more I was detached from reality, the more ridiculous I sounded. But the plans started to land like a plane on a run way. And soon I was thinking about starting a farm. I started the Limuru farm, it was a dream, but it had turned into reality, I started the Naivasha farm, which was a result of building castle in the air. So when I went to the farm itself and I could touch the gate to the entrance, I could touch the crops, I felt emotionally attached. Then I stopped dreaming once I had gotten the Limuruand the Naivasha farm.

but I had gone back to dreaming, escaped from reality because V had become dull. I was to blame for her dullness. The excitement of living like B’s father became more and more of a reality. I started dreaming of owning the cars he owned, thendreamed of driving the cars he bought, then I got curious of how much the cars he had costed, then I dreamed of how I would get the cars that B’s father drove. 

It was my relationship with V that made me not turn into B’s father before. But my relationship with V had started breaking down. I did not need to impress V anymore. Besides the way she looked at me like I was filth, it got ot me eventually. Slowly I also stopped meeting up with s, and s is a smart girl, she grounded me by reminding me there were clean ways to become successful.

I started seeing B’s father more, picked up a habit of smoking the cigars he smoked, walk like he walked, dressed like his dressed, I was about to make money like he made. I secretly wanted V to stop me. Because I knew what would happen next. I would convince millions of people to invest their families’income in my business and I would not even invest that money, I would simply use it as my salary. Then run away. It all starts with a dream, mine was a good dream, good but rotten. Success at the expense of others. Just like V’s father. (To be continued…)

making good

3 Apr

(…continuation) I had hurt V. I had pushed her tomuch. I had pressured her. I stressed her mind, I made her thingtoo much, I should have noticed the sigms, the constant frawningthe constant attempts by her to ask me to stop contacting her. She asked me to stop calloing me, my own girlfriend V did not want me to call her, text her, see her, she kept dumoping me inhermind. She was done with me. I had hurt her consuistwently. Even though I know V had no limits, she was patient, she forgave seventy times seventy times seventy seven times in a day. She did not wait for the sun togo down when she had not forgiven me. She was an angel. I had hurt her.

“Can we meet up, please let us meet up we talk?”

I did not even say Hello, I had been looking at my phone almost every day of the week. Checking out her number. I would then pocket my phone. I convinced myself I shouldn’t call her. 

But then again, as I walked in these streets of Nairobi owith my phoe in my pocket, and I saw a girl, walking in front of me, with a light blue skirt that looked like V’s, light blue like the skies, filled up nicely with a nice figure. I would go back to thinking about V. How can you not think about a girl like V, who serves meshed waffles like the one’s at ArtCaffee for you? Who wouldn’t want a girlfriend that was selfless like V, that even when you were a bad boyfriend whenyougot home she would serve you coffee and strips of carrot, white melon, olives better than Norforlk’scomplimentary, all made gourmet. Which girl was like V? one who did not change to a bad person cause youtreated her badly. Her personality was as sure as sun shine. Every day she would rise she would warm my heart, no matter my mood, she was consistently nice, she did not stop washing my dishes cause imade hremad, she always played her part. I loved V, that’s why when I made her mad and hurt her the way I did I followed her, I chased after her. I wanted her back.

“Can we meet up please, lets talk?”

Every woman with nice hips in town reminded me of V, I did not want anyone elses number I just wanted V. the blue skirt reminded me of V, she was my number one. So I did not say Hello when she picked up my phone after a week of calling her.

“Can we meet up please, lets talk?”

The woman with the hips and the light blue skirt that looked like the skies was looking to the side. I was looking directly at her skirt, the movement of her hips, side to side, up and down. My instincts acted fast. The bank on the left side of the streets had clear windows that were like a mirror. So when that lady in the blue skirt looked at the mirror I turned immediately before she noticed I was looking at her. I was that close to getting caught. But what I was doing was thinking about V. 

“Okay, Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“Wherever…”

The Friday before the Saturday we were meant to meet, V would call and I would ignore her call. Somewhere inside me I knew that it was too good to be true, after the things I had done to her, why would V want to see me, I knew if I picked the call then she would cancel our Saturday date. Soi kepton ignoring her calls and that was what made V become so cold towards me.

“You are so bad at communication… Why don’t you pick my phone Why don’t you listen to me.

As much as I was dying to meet V on that Satruday, the financial implications were real, I would drain up to ten on lunch with her. And probably wouldn’t take the next step. V was my girlfriend but she had been avoiding coming to my place, keeping me warm at night and even seeing me in general. 

Why would I take her out for the next billionth time to spend on expensive lunches and over priced drinks while I was already sure that V and I were as done as campaigning on the day the president is sworn in? but I had still settled and set for a date with V on Saturday.

That money I spent chasing V my girlfriend, trying to win her heart back, the effort I had put, if I had used it on my business, clients, customers, I would probably have a Range Rover Autobiography in my parking lot, I would probably have bought V an S class with grey leather interior so that when the car stays in the sun the leather burns up and the car smells so nicely. I would probably have a small speed boat in Naivasha, a small chopper at Wilson, an office with large sofa seats, a business that earns me an obese cheque every month. But instead of using my mind to think I was thinking with my heart. 

“You tried calling me V…”

hi, about Saturday…”

I knew what she was about to say next. I should have made plans for next time. I should have known. I simply should have.

“I am sorry am not going to make it on Saturday night.”

I kept spinning my phone in my hands weeks after that. The wiser thing to do was to just let go. I mean, V was my girlfriend, but also she was my air, and if someone is your air and she doesn’t give you her company you feel as good as dead right? The struggle. Blocked phone number. I kept promising myself, do not rep;y, do not engage in the argument. Be rational, just play your role as the boyfriend. Love V unconitionallly, support her,listen to her, be there for her, but do not argue, do not get into a heated argument and say things you will regret. 

I knew V and I were over. There was no hope there. I had asked for this, I had been selfish when V was selfless, I had been less of an angel, when V had been a complete angel. 

“Where do we meet?”

I was again, meeting V, sure it was a bad decision but I couldn’t help myself. The effort in time, the effort in money, the effort in emotion was all being directed to my relationship with V so much that my businesses had started to suffer and my dreams of a house in Karen, KitusuriRunda or Muthaiga were all waving at me good bye like I was in a Probox on the highway and an BMW X6 was overtaking. I was sure that V and I were over, but I continued to be a good boyfriend to V, played my part. I did not want to do too much, so that my business would suffer, but I did. And I felt bad for doing too much for V.  

you actually came V?”

There she was, at about 2am, she had not slept. I was deep asleep holding V. we started to make out. I asked her to remove her tights, she was hesistant. I told her they were hurting me. She removed them finally.

There I was on top of her. She was on top of me. I kissed on her neck, sucked on her lips, sucked on her lips, kissed on her neck. We made hot tea afterwards, she read a magazine, she noticed the parts of philanthropic CEO and asked me if I could help the needy if I had it all. V told me she hardly ever had any nice clothes, she always gave them out to needy people. Help a stranger, find new ways of doing so.

We were in bed again, this time I was less nervous. I was sure V and I were over. But then I was between her legs again that night. We were making out like our love was fresh. I felt freshly in love, like I had been forgiven, she was happy, I would tell.

“This is not a one night stand… I would want us to do this over and over again. We can make this work.”

In the morning, I was so happy about how things had turned out between V and i. I realized that relationships have their own problems, but in the end, do not stop being a good boyfriend just cause your girlfriend is cold. Continue to play your role of making V happy, at least when you do that there is hope that she will come around. 

I was so happy, I couldn’t make for V breakfast. So I got her to the car. We drove to ArtCaffe and had waffles, mango juice, cappuccino and hot chocolate. We finished off with the oreo milkshake at KFC. I was full and satisfied, V was full and satisfied, of love. We kissed, we touched, we publicly displayed affection and my mind was clear. I just needed my relationship with V to go on well, cause it was only after that I was able to concentrate on work.

The BMW x6 had been so arrogant to have switched on the overtaking indicator from kilometers away. I could see it on my side mirror bouncing in high speed to the potholes, it was like it knew it would overtake my Probox, so arrogant. But then V was like the boaster I need, cause as a girlfriend, being in her company, she inspired me, she encouraged me, she motivated me to be better always, and I was better, she was the turbo in my engine and I was overtaking the x6 in my Probox. (To be continued…)

Addicted 

3 Apr

(…continuation) I had my own weaknesses. I gave B my car to drive on one of those days we were heading to Naivasha to check out how business was going in my Naivasha farm. The farm B and I co-shares. 

“B., please dont drive to fast, my car is anlitte low…”

I kept telling her. 

“B, please, dont drive my car too fast…”

The car keot on scratching underneath it. B keot speeing. Until, it hit something that made the car engine literally jumped out of the engine so that the top part of the engine was peaking out of the engine to see what was around. Pmy car was ruined. B had spilt it.

“I told you B, now see what youve done”

I did not want to complain much. I remember the next day trying to start it and it sounded like a safari ralky sports car, it felt like something was off, the accelaration was off, the bonnet could not close. The engine was peeping. I was tired of B, she never listened to me, she just called me trouble. I did not see why I needed to co-own the Naivasha business with B any mire. She did nothing, she never supervised, she did not care. 

“What happened to your car?”

V my girlfriend asked, 

There was no way I was going to tell her that it was B who spoilt it. It was V who took it to the service station. Where they told her that the car was completely totoaled. That it could not be repaired. And that depressed me. I had no car to take me to work. I did not have enough money to buy a new one. My business was not doing as well as S business. It was just crazy. 

“You are coming over V arent you?”

For the minths that my car did not work, I had to use matatus and buses to work. Which was completely embarassing, because at the company I worked for, after work, people would hang out at the parking lot, employees with cars. I did not have one so I had no right to hang out at the parking lot. I hated the fact that I had ti use that route home. I would have to work in the middle of fleets of cars. 

When V came over and spent at my place. She always offered to drop me at work. I can tell you it meant the world to me. I could only say Hi to people when V came to pick me from work or drop mw. And I wanted people to still see I had a car, cause my car was at the garage being fixed or not being fixed cause it was beyond repair. It was such a hard time for me and I thank that V was there for ne through all that time.

The hardest moment were when I had to go to the Limuru farm, can you imagine e torture of taking a matatu to Limuru every friday evening and a matatu back? Can you imagine the nightmare that I had to go through to go to Naivasha in a matatu and keep connecting until I got to the farm? It was torture. I thought about renting cars, but it simply did not work out. 

V was there fore me, using her car, her time, she would literally drive me to Limuru to handle my farm business, she woukd also drive me to Naivasha to check out my farm. The sacrifices that V made. No other girl in the world would make. Thats why I was so deeply in lovw with her. 

It was not like V had all the money in the world, it is not that V had all the time in the world, but she drove me around. And when you are used to having a car, then you dont, transport means the world to you. When it rained, she was there at the entrance. When it was Friday her car would be waiting for me at the comoanies parking lot. V would dress up, get out of the car, hug me, and my co-workers would see that I was a man, a hot girl with a hot car even though mine was just for repair. 

Golf, it was a nightmare to go play golf, every time I carried the golf clubs it would seem like I was carrying a guitar to everyone in town, i mean, right there my golf bag had the name golf. Yet i would still be asked if I was carrying a guitar. And a guitar is light. Golf clubs have their weight. V decided that she would be dropping me off for golf. 

It was like V had decided, that without wanting anything in return, she woukd be the perfect girlfriend, almost the perfect wife. She made sure their was food on the table. That I would not sleep hungry. She made sure that there were no dirty dishes in the sink. She made sure all my suits were hanged. She took it upon herself to check the buttons and ask me.

“Can i take this to the tailor?”

“Can I take this for dryclwaning?

And I would give her the money. She would drop them. V was there for me. When i was unwell, she came over. She slept with me. When I went to the shop and looked at a shirt too long, like this time at Mr Price, I saw a black golf shirt. She got it for me. When She was just so nice. She was perfect. I loved V. Its like she did everyhting. Then she was everything. 

I was in the office, most times, and all I could think of was V. I dont know whether she did it intentionally. That V was so nice to me, that I always felt like I as not doing enough. 

I would look at my bank statement. And I would think of V. I should take out more. I shoukd show her I care. She does so much for me. I would work harder. I would work harder. I would work harder. I would work harder. I would try stay longer in bed, touch her better, touch her until its about her feeling good more than me feeling good. I had to balance the scale. I had to revenge. When he did something nice for me, I was so busy trying to do ten ebtter things for her, ten times what she did for me, not cause it was a competition, but to just prove to her that I loved her more. V had to knwo, that I loved her more than she loved me. She was so good to me, she was not like this other girls, dhe put her walls down, just dived right into the relationship. She loved fully, then jumped righht in and gave her all.

I did not give my all at first, cause am a guy, and women come and go. It took long before I realised she reslly loved me. Because in spite of my affairs, in spite of my scandals, in spute of my wrecklesness, she never left.

“This girl rewlly loves you…”

I had to come around, i organised my affairs slowly, almost to slowly cause I was afraid V would leave. But I started to organize.

“S, I reallly love V, by the way… I really love her. I want to make her more happy.”

And S would understand me, she would see it in my eyes.

S had a business, she was employed too. Her side business was what gave her more money than her day job. S was my inspiration. She had made losses, for years before her business started picking up. Some months were bad, some months were better, thats what she said. But S tried, she never gave up. I wanted to keep trying like S was, never to give up on my Limuru busuness, and the Naivasha one too, whether some months things got bad and I did not make profit. Whether the income would be steady fio a while until it was.

“Why do you need to make more money so fast all of a sudden?”

“S I just love V, and I want to show her I love her.”

V parent’s gave her money for upkeep. Food, shelther and clothing, but she needed more, everyone needs more. Even I needed more. I knew that V loved me for other things and not material stuff, but am a guy, I should be able to provide for her. It doesnt hurt to love a girl with all your heart first, then your mind second, then all your body third, and with all your money fourth. It doesnt hurt.

V would still get money from her parents for upkeep, cause V parents were a perfect couple, that cared for the success of their daughter. But I thiught about what I should be getting V, hand bags, shoes, clothes, take her out, all the entertainment, during thw weekends, take her out of town, just di things to celebrate our love. 

But that was not enough. I wanted V and I to move to the next level. A level where I would be able to meet V’s basic needs, I mean food shelter, clothing, just to prepare for greater things ahead. There was no need not to start then, paying all her bills, from airtime to electricity, daloons and what not. She could save her money for school fees for her kids, our kids in the future. V was so nice to me, she had put down all her walls, loved me fully, I had to come around eventually, love her back ten times more. Cause she was not like this other women, that love in half. 

“S, you got to show me. I have to make this money legitimately, what is it that you think makes yiur business so successful? How do you not give up?”

(To be continued…) 

mountain top 

3 Apr

(…continuation) There were those wild days, that I had during my wild days. Amp d V had the misfirtune of starting to date me, during the last of my wild days. So she got a taste of what it felt like when the guy she loved, when zi would, have to, chase her, or fake fight with her, so that she would get angry enough, for her to leave for another girl to come over. That time, i never felt guilty for chasing V, maybe just a little, but when the other girl came over, i would forget V existed. 

Those days passed, V was there through all of them, and I was still making it up to her, for the way I hurt her. Any small chance zi gociuld get, to fuel her car, to buy her a girft, to remember her birdsy, to get her a job, I took that chance. I tried to do everything. I literally wanted to overdo loving her. Showing her that I loved her, because the things zi put her through, through my wild days… But anyways, I did not have to worry, I had the rest of my life to make it up to zv. The way I embarassed her in front of her friends and my friends. Talking about other women, like she was not the only woman. It was carzy.

But even though those days were gone. And I was on the right tract. I was on a one way, and I would only use the other lane if I wanted to kill myself. I could only see one girl, my eyes were all for V. Sne was the only girl in the world. She was amazing. 

But the scares were still there. I could tell, when she would pull something from my wardrobe, thinking it was one if my old pajamaas, and then a bra would what would come up. It wiuld not be her bra. There were earring all over my house, shoes, there were belts, braceltes, clothes, underwear, I never knew whether they were V’s or they were items from my past life. I didnt even bother to tell V.

“Thats feom long ago…”

There was no point, she keot seeing them, old love notes, from my past life. I ouldnt imagine what V was going through. There was a spec of suddeness. 

Most people are the jeaouls kind, they keep calling eir girlfriends and boyfriends to find out where they are. Most girlfriends and boyfriends are the jealous kind. V never got jeslous. I think it was because she believed that jealousy was a negative emotion and that it was not a product of love. She was amaizing like tat, V did not subscribe to evey-bidy thinkiing. She looked at things like an angel would look at them. So even when she saw the bras, the wrappers to sanitsry towels. She made small comments.

“There are trash in your room, you want to sort that out.”

And I woukd find the letters, the bras, they always showed up. I had so much baggage, no matter how much I tried to clean my house. It just did not get clean enough. There would be evidence, under the courch, lip stick on an old pillow. There were sll from long ago. But how do you explain that. I couldnt. I stopped, I opted to just show V I loved her more and more. 

Maybe she just doncentrated on loving me, she though of new ways to blow me, maybe she thiught of new recepies to cook me, or new stories to tell me, new ways to entrtain me, maybe she just decided that she would not think abiut all the other women she thiught I had, that she would not care what her friends told her. All that was in her mind was trying to make the relationship sweeter. Abd thats what V dud. She made the relationship sweeter. I was hapoy most of the time, felt shit guilty for asking her to drop me at ArtCaffe and what not to go for dates with other women. I stopped all those things, cause V, V was everything, she loved me for real, for long, she did not give up on me, I had to come through.

She never, ever, ever, ever, stopped loving me. V, she never stopped. I was in love. How did she handle it? All V’s friends trlling her. 

“Leave that man, we know his habits…”

“Leave that man, he is not good for you.”

“Leave that man, he will not change…”

I also thiught zi would not vhange. I changed really slowly thiugh. And what made me change was the fact that V hust believed I woukd change. She did not pressure me. She was just there to love me. She did not ask where I was from. Why I got home late. I would find food ready. 

Then I would sleep, not able to talk to her. Guikt would eat me up. And I would make a decision. Never again, will I hurt V. Never again. I must be better, I must be like V, comoletely faithful. I must be like V, I was already turning into V, a comolete angel. Caring, loving, always looking fir way, of loving mire, than being jealous. 

“Why are yiu sad V?”

“Am trying V.”

“Its okay, you dint have to try.”

I tried. And tried. And tried. And the results would show, because V would find and earring that has been under the bed for the longest time. And I never bothered, to defend myself. 

“Where are you?”

“In the office.”

“Can I come?”

I went to V’s office, not the one where she was employed. E one where she was the boss. The one she ran from 6pm to 8pm after she worled for her employer from 8am to 5pm. I was in her business premises, her side busines. It was quite an outfit. The workds of her hands.

She told me, S told me, sometimes she did her accounts wrong. And thought she had made a profit some month. But she hadnt. But it was that illusion that she made profit that made her bot give up. Untik the month she made some profit. But there was a lot of creative accounting in that. If you calcukated the salaries, then techincally S had not made profit. But when you have a side business, you simply look for ways to convince yourself that your business is doing well, so that you dont quite.

We were having coffee in her office. S told me how it felt, we shared, our experiences together. S told me, that she rook money out of her salary, the salary from her day job, then poured it into the business. And when she broke even, sometimes, she took all that money and bought herself, shoes and clothes. There was no profut, but all the money dhe put in, had come back, plus she had paid someones salary and provided a service for someone. That was enough, for her to go on with the business. It was hard, to have a side business, my Limuru and naicavasha business was evidence, but it got easier, even though the money did not come the way I wanted it to come, it goot easier.

All Iwaited for, was the day, the money woukd come nicely, cause I was trying, I was trying with my business, it wasnt working as well, but its better to try, I was trying to make V happy like she was at the start, but the hapiness was shirt, she came over, she loved me, but she was not happy, i could tell because V had loved me so much that she was the only girl in the world in my eyes. The dresses I bought her, she shoes zi bought her, the chocolates, the important dates she had that I remembered and celebrated, where not enough to make her as happy as she was. She had loved me with her all, it was my turn to love her with her all, until she was convinced, that I truly cared for her. I was trying to make money legitimately, like S was, I was trying ti get zv to learn that my love for her was legitimate, it was up the mountain. And I would do it until I passed out, and even when zi fainted, I woukdnt wake up from my comma and ask for water, I woukd go on climbing that mountain. (To be continued…)

Taming the heart 

25 Mar

(….continuation) How do you handle emotion? i mean excess emotion? do we as humans have self control? what do you do when your spouse leaves their phone on the table accidentally to go to the shower. and the phone always has a password, but this time he or she was playing Candy Crush or some other game.  and now you can open the phone, go through phone records, bank statements, photos, emails, everything that you want.
what does excess emotion do? i can blame excess emotion on most of the bad decisions i have made. i wish i had better self control when i am in love, because falling in love with someone too deeply is a bad thing,. even if i am in love, i love to think like a rational person. i dont want to be a slave to any emotion, hate ]and jealousy mostly, but even love, i dont want to be a slave to love too much. 
falling deeply in love is cute, but to me it is unhealthy and is sheer lack of self control. cause i was falling deeper and deeper into I’ve with V, i was almost like i was in a whole.
when V was around be other perfect girlfriend she was i started noticing even the small things, i noticed how far away from me she sat. i noticed every time she picked her phone. there was this time i was texting V and being the great girlfriend she was she kept texting me back, then all of a sudden she started asking me nver ti text her again, was she with someone else. was she pretending to be with someone else and making that someone else think that i was a stalker. while i in fact i was V boyfriend. 
i hate emotion sometimes, cause you cant think, you cant achieve much, all you do is do what you feel like. if we let our hearts rule and our minds die. i would probably have no money in my account, no money for food, no money for golf, no money for rent, no money to dine and wine V. 
but how can i escape emotion? i mean i was in a relationship. its like V had no emotion sometimes whatsoever. the emotions she had were for needy people. i mean people who lacked the sheer basic needs, i mean food shelter and clothing, education, happiness and what not. those are the people she cried for, when she walked in the streets and noticed those people who cant walk, who walked on their knees, the blind people, the poor people, for a second she would lose concentration on what she was talking about. and you could almost see that small invisible tear in V’s eyes, those were the people she had great emotion for. unless of course i was so in love that i could not see that V loved me as much, maybe i was so in love i was thinking with my heart not my mind. maybe i had everything but couldn’t notice cause i was just thinking with my heart. oh my those emotions finished me, they would be the end of me.
i wish i could handle my emotions like V, because even with my mood swings it was almost like V treated me the same. V was sort of like an angel but a robot angel. when she came to my place she would cook for me, if it was chicken she would make me gourmet chicken and roast potatoes, jacked potatoes or buttered really yellow rich boiled potatoes, she would make me goat meat stew, serve it better than any restaurant with stars as many as the night sky would.
it was almost a routine, nothing spontaneous, she had a system of some sort. she would cook for me, er would do for play in the kitchen while she cooked, head to the bathtub, sometimes the shower, shower together, watch the news together. she would sleep on my lap, give me the remote. i would flip through the channels, she would laugh at my jokes, it was all very pleasant. sleeping together waking up together, she always served e breakfast in bed.
when i was angry from work, when i was tired, when i was like a bottle of Moet, in a celebratory mood, it would still be the same routine. and the thing with having a system, its like an office, its like procedure, there is no emotion. its like V did what she was required to do to become an angel and did not bother much about emotion. she cared for the needy, cooked for me, we laughed once in a while, but there was a system she had.
i started to wonder whether the way she treated me was the way she treated her ex or the way she would treat her next. would she apply the same routine to them? hug them at the door, cook for them the same meal she cooked me, had foreplay with them in the kitchen, showered together, watched news together, hold them the same way she holds me, make for them breakfast in bed. the thought sickened me. but thats who V was. or was i so deeply in love that i was just using my heart to think not my mind? 
but it was the system that made me fall in love with V. i mean, the thing  that she did for me, the way she loved me was consistent, i was comfortable, life is spontaneous, V was hardly spontaneous, but she was consistently an angel. but i had to find a way to handle my emotions.
thats what i blamed my Limuru and my Naivasha business for. i mean, if I continued to not have control of my emotions, my business would go to complete ruin. when i made a profit out of the Limuru business, i became so happy, i mean excessively happy, but people who are excessively happy out of circumstances are a risk because they become extremely sad and depressed out of circumstances, too.
when i was extremely happy, i took V on shopping sprees, when i as extremely happy i when i was extremely sad when i made business decisions i did very stupid things like frustrate my workers, shout at them even though even if they made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. i just wanted ti be consistently a good boyfriend, a good person like V was. i wanted to love V in a healthy way. i did not want to be hot and cold all in an hour, it felt unhealthy. they say if you want to be happy just be, well, i wanted to be happy, but even when i was happy i wanted to be rational, enjoy the emotions of love and happiness like one handles their wine. i just wanted to have self control like V had.
i was loving V in an unhealthy way, cause of my extreme mood swings, i kept being suspicious of her, thinking she was doing to little or doing to much. i needed to have a system and remove most of my emotion, or if not remove excess emotion enjoy them in a healthy way, cause workers were not paid because i was so happy about the profits and bough V tens of years supply of perfume, phones, tabs, dresses, shoes, oh my goodness shoes. and some families were going hungry because i had paid the workers late. Emotions were going to be the end of me, my relationship with V and my Limuru and Naivasha business, i had to do something. find a system. find a routine, be more of a robot, like the angel robot V was, but not too much. people loved V though, i feel in love with V, cause she had a system of being nice, and an angel no matter the circumstances. she did not get so angry by my coming so late home she started to assume that it was not tomato sauce on my shirt but red lipstick. (to be continued…)

Building Castles in the air, forgetting the soil 

23 Mar

(…continuation) As much as i loved V love has never been enough. if you are a guy and you really love a girl you have to have some basic things. i mean for example you have to have a house, cause doing it at the back of an alley in town in the middle of the night is fu but you have to sleep sometime after that and you cannot let a girl like V sleep in the streets.

so as much as love was renough for V and i i realized i was a man and i needed somethings for our love to grow. the basic things, i needed to make sure there was food in the house, i needed to make sure their was electricity in the housr, you cannot have candle light every night. i needed to make sure there was a car at the parking lot just incase it was raining and V needed me to pick her up. i had to resque her from the rain. romantic things like those.
so lover is important, but also money in the account is important, cause V loved it whrn i showed i loved her once in a while when i got her a dress, mostly in the color she told me way her favorite color.
the money i got from my day job was alright but i need more. i hd been demoted anyways thats why i had the Limuru and the Naivsha business, i needed them for our relationship with V to work, not that if i did not have them we would break up, i just needed them to make the love sweeter, like having a girlfriend or boyfrirnd on Valentines is sweet, but even more sweeter is being at kempinski for dinner and spending at the hotel that night too, maybe listening to Scott the Violinist play there, some Sauti Sol kind of stuff. 
there all these things that i thought would make relationship sweeter, cars, houses, moneiy to take trips, what not. and since i thought those things would make my relationship with V sweeter, i had decided to give them a little more time.
i started to apprecite what experience ment when i started the Naivasha and the Limuru business, i learnt not to be emotional when asking for money for instance. at first i did it badly, and for every 10 potential investors i asked for money, only one gave me money to invest in my Limuru and Naivasha business. but i started getting used to it, i started applying my mind to it, and thinking of ways i could increase the statistics from say one out of ten to seven out of ten.
“Do not be emotional about it, just better yourself.” 
v would tell me all the time.
“this guys are just haters, they dont have the money thats why they dont want to invest.”
coffee with S was always insiteful, we did it mostly at the Artcaffee in Junction. it was a great motivator cause the subculture around that place feells like Muthaiga, very motivational.
“You can either look at it that way, that they dont have oney, but if i were you i would instead of calling them haters and poor, think of ways in whihc i can convince a person who does not have any money to go look for money or even borrow to give me.”
S was very inspiring, she believed in doing business the right way. the number of times i caught the bill at ArtCaffe was too many, but my coffee with S were always insiteful, it was like she was my life coach, it was like i was paying for consultation fee taking her for coffee. 
the moment i stopped hating on the potential investors that declined to give me money. the moment i started opening up myself to new ideas. it was like i was in a lab of some sort, not a lab with chemicals, but a lab with people. i was looking for the right words to say the moment i met a new investors. i was looking for the right place to ask them for money, where they would most likely say Yes. And i slowly increased my statistics, for every potential iinvestor i talked to, out of ten seven said Yes and gave me money. S was right all along. 
“no, lets not discuss this here, can i buy you lunch?”
“Sure.”
“When are you free?”
“Thursday.”
“Trattoria?”
“Yes.”
and i knew exactly what to order. i knew what to tell th investors, the topics to avoid. the way to make them laugh, how long to extend the small talk. i learnt slowly. if i did this with one potential investor and he gave me a chque, i would do the same with the next. i learnt what proposals impressed the investors and which one bored them. 
i developed a system. it was pretty simple. i knew where to find potential investors, mostly in private membership clubs. i sneaked in most of the time, cause am a cheap guy, i cant pay club membership fees for places where i can pretend to be a member. i mostly got my investrs from the loaker room. just after going to the gym, or in the sauna. 
i would pretend i was on an important phone call.
“Tell them that if they do not have fresh fertilizer we dont want it.”
“I do not want to have fake products, you know we really on our reputation, do you understand? and every client counts, i would rather i make a loss but the client must be happy, okay?”
“Call me when its done.”
then i would hang up. put my phone in the gym bag.
“Am so sorry for that, was talking to people at the office, sometimes you know you must  be aliitle hard on them…”
and most times, the guys i met would talk to me. they would tell them about their business, and i would find a way of convincing them that they needed fresh flowers, whether in the washroom at their work places. i would convince them that they needed fresh food and i would tell them i was happy to transport the food from Naivasha to wherever they were. i had learnt it, sometimes i made mistakes. for example.
“I will fire you…”
and from the fake conversation the potential investor i was picking up would think i was rude. i would be sure that the next potential investor i met would not here me talk so rudely during the fake phone call.
“The gym locker room thing works S…”
she would order a Spanish Danish, or a chocolate or Vanilla eclair… S loved the pastries at Art, but who doesnt? 
“Told you it will work, but now you need to get out of the comfort zone and look for new places to get investors.”
it was always a challenge, i was always slowly bettering the emails i sent to my clients, to my nvestors, the right amount of small ttalk, the right about of flirting, the right amount of complements and the right amount of temptation.
i realized that some clients would just dump you. and it would be so expensive to take them to Hilton to many times to convince them to honor their contract. I put some effort sometimes to restore the broken relationship, but i had a financial limit. 
i knew when to decide that it was over. and i would not act desparate to get the client to sign with me again, i slowly lernt when to call it quites. 
“ido not keep inventing something, creat a system, a system that works.”
s would tell me.
if one eight out of ten clients loved ties and scarfs as birthday presents and two out of ten loved other things besides that. i reminded my secretary to always send ties and scarfs as birthday presents. 
and slowly, the more the investors were happy, the more the money came, just like S kept on telling me as we sat uder those brown umbrellas at Junction. the more i used the proposals that worked and the emails that worked on the clients. the more they continued to provide business for my business. 
“keep tying new things and develop a system of how to deal with clients, like remembering their birthdays, that is an awesome stragegy…”
as i said, the coffees with S at Art were completely beneficial.
i was doing well, but i could do better, i could have a 100% rate of success, any potential investor i talked to could give me money, i could find more places fto find potential investors and not just the gym locker room, i could reduse the number of clients that left me for my competitors in a month by half. these were practivcal goals. 
but i had made head way. i was going places. so one day when i was on my way to my place, i found V being the incredible girlfriend she is had organized a party. she had called most of my friens, she had gotten nyam chom and drinks, she had called the neighbors. there was a part in my honor for the success i had achieved with my businesses. balloons, music and what not, sometimes a man needs a girlfriend like V who remembers to make you celebrate your small achievements. it was until that party that i realizedd that i had actually started becoming successful financially since my demotion.
i guess our minds have a way of celebrating the negative abd ignoring the positive. i truly needed that surprise party that V threw for me, cause i was thinking too much about where i wanted to go, than where i already had gotten. (to be continued…) 

the big game 

22 Mar

(…continuation) hanging out with B, obviously dating her exposed me to her circle of friends. They were like her. They had good backgrounds, corrupt morals, mad style, beautiful, powerful, the crème of the crème. Even after I was over and done with B,I still met B’s friend here and there. I met them in night clubs, I met them at the airport mostly though. That’s where they hang out the most. 

“I know this guy…”

A man said out allowed walking towards me. He looked familiar. I remembered it was B’s friend, one of them. He was loud.

“I know this guy.”

He stretched his hand.

“B’s friend.”

His words.

“No, no, no you used to screw B, right? I always wanted to tap that, lucky guy.”

He asked me what I was doing that afternoon. I told him I was on my way home, I had just come to the shop to buy some yorgurt, snacks and what not then I would be on my way home. 

“You eat books?”

I was buying some receipt books, I wanted to do some accounts for my Naivasha farm. He knew B’s father, in fact the guy wanted to date or was it to just tap B. but he was bored, he was going to Malindi or something to pick up one of his relatives who was arrested cause of doing cocaine oersomething. B’s friends, they are so typical. He asked me if I could join him. I declined, but he insisted. 

We were at Wilson in a bit, apparently he had a fleet of planes, most of which were his dad’s. it was a two seater. I had seen them before, I knew the procedure, B’s father had flown me and my clients also his clients not once, not twice, not ten times but even more. So I did not act like a complete amature

We went to Malindi, picked the girl up from prisionbroughther to her parents. But that’s when this guy decided that he wanted the Naivasha business. He said he would buy it from me, mostly cause B and I were co-owners. He figured it would give him a chance to get close to B. well, I thought it was a good idea, but all the money and effort I had spent on that farm it would go all to waste.

But looking at the brighter side, I would finally be away from B. it woudnt be so hard to use the money I got to start a new food production farm exactly like the one that I was co-owners with B in Naivasha. One thing I knew for sure was that for the next so many years I would still need to pour money into that Naivasha business. At least that’s what S told me, that you have to pour money into a business for years, you will make mistakes, maybe not make money, but once you are patient enough the business would be a complete cash cow. Every month I would be getting something in my account to supplement my salary. Here was a chance to leave B for good, leave the Naivasha business, I could just sell it to this guy, start a business I own by myself. Then I can live an honest life, cause there is no way that V would ever understand my continuing doing business with B my ex.

“You play golf?”

“Yap.”

handicap?”

not yet.”

He was quiet for a while. Then he told me it was ridiculous for him to just buy a business he knew nothing about, just to get into a girls pants. But a girl like B can make a man screw up his life.

“How about we make it fate?”

pardon

“We bet?”

No way. How do I bet my business over a 9 hole game of golf. Heck even if it was an eighteen hole game I would not bet the whole Naivasha business for a game of golf.

“This plane for your business…”

“No!”

this plane is worth more than your business, besides if you win, you get the plane and you keep the business anyways.”

“What if I lose?”

It was clear.

“You lose the Naivasha business and you don’t get the plane.”

It was crazy, but I had already thought about the money the Naivasha business brought me every month. Then I thought about V, I really loved V. and I wanted us to last, I did not know how she would feel she found out I was hanging out with B my ex and her father. If I accepted to get into that bet with him, it would mean that I lost the Naivasha business, and in turn lose B forever from my life. If I won, I would still be in business with B, we would still co-own the Naivashabusiness, but I would sell the plane and the proceeds I would use to fund that Naivasha business for years until its earnings is consistent. It was a crazy deal, a crazy bet. But f it.

In two weeks, I would own a plane and the Naivasha business, or I would lose the Naivasha business and not own a plane ever. I was rolling with the big boys. I had made it a point to start telling V about everything that happens in my life, trying to have good relationship with her. 

“V love, we do golf on Saturday?”

“Yes.”

I had a feeling that V wouldn’t show up. But she was my girlfriend. I had a very important golf c=game on that Saturday. She had told me she would come, I had decided to trust her. I wanted to get back up, either B or S to go with me if V failed to show cause I did not want to play that game alone. If I lost I needed V to comfort me, if I won, I needed V to celebrate with me. 

The biggest golf game of my life. The biggest bet. V would. V loves me, V would come. She loves me she is a sweet girl, if I told her it was important she would come. Besides she had been standing me up so much I almost thought she was not my girlfriend. But she would sstand me up cause she was heading to a childrens home. She would fail to show up causeshe was seeing a friend who had a kid and was chased from her house by her parents. She was unable to show up cause of very philanthropic reasons. That Saturday I needed her.

hey, so tomorrow?”

“By the way… am sorry, am such a bad person.”

On the Friday before the big Saturday, she told me she would not show up. She told me she was going out with her friends, maybe she was comforting one of her friends who got dumped. Or something nice like that, but she told me she was going out that night. I thought about calling and asking more about why she had decided to cancel. I did not want to start telling V about my big bet, I wanted her to come cause I had asked her to come and that it was important for her to come. 

I thought it was a joke, plus, I wanted us to have a good relationship. So I did not call B or S. I wanted it to be V or no one else, literally I wanted her to be the only girl in the world, so that if she was not with me, I would not be with anyone else. 

On that Saturday morning, I knew that guy I was going to bet with, B’s friend. I knew he would show up with many people. To support him or comfort him when he lost. Maybe V would surprise me by just showing up the last minute, maybe I would find her there. The angel she was, the good girl she was. 

I was thirty minutes to the golf club, V was not there. This was a guys version of a wedding. I was about to be the groom who would be stood up. I was stood up, V went out the night before and told me she was going to work on the next day. Was V lying? That incidence would have to change the way I looked at V. I felt I was going to be alone in that golf club and would have to drive back home the way I came, alone. Either a winner, or a loser. I was doing all that for V, yet she did not show up. (to be continued…)

Sacrifices have limits. 

21 Mar

(…continuation) even though I was dating V, like all relationships we had our hot and cold moments. You would not be surprised to learn that one of the cold moments I had with V was cause of my Limuru and Naivasha business. I did not want V to know how much I earned, that is why I never asked her to help me with the books. My day time job was good though I was not complaining about that. If you calculated the income I got from my day time job and my side business the Limuru and the Naivasha farm you would be impressed. My relationship though, not so much. 

“No, no. no…” 

Those were V’s words. She felt it was too soon. I had been to quiet and yet I thought I could rush right between her legs like nothing had happened. I had to come in smoothly, a little fore play but in an advanced level. Not for play in that I would be touching her all over, but foreplay in the way I would be texting her the whole day and finish off by taking her out.

We meet at Sankara, as usual, V freaked out about the glass floor. She called me to tell me she was not going to make it through it, that I had to help her. In the lift she told me she saw some woman with a pass apparently the lifts there have some secret floors. But maybe V was just letting the date settle in.

The seats at the pool, the lounges, the pool beds, all confusing on how to seat on them, do you lie on them? Seat? Sleep? Anyways, the menu was brought and V looked beautiful in what she wore. The nicest pink dress toned down one that could be worn by a mother who drove a Bentley in Nairobi. There was a time I had seen V in this grey dress. It made her back side look so damn big, think from all the naked videos of women on their phones, when they see a girl in a dress like that grey one they just want to throw money at her, or love, or power, or their lives, whatever she wants. I did not believe it was V by the way.

“Where are you?”

am standing right here in this grey dress.”

The last time I brought her to 7th floor Sankara she was wearing clothes that I suspect were not hers, she had done that for Merica and Sarova Stanley. If I invited V randomly to a nice place its almost like she would go borrow or switch clothes to come see me. That day I warned her and I asked her to dress down before. She did not come wearing a shirt belonging to a bank she never banked with or worked for or a blazer that did not look like hers, V came looking lovely for our date. 

I had to be a gentleman about the date I was with V, especially cause I had been quiet and had not seen her for a while, obviously I would not mention sex cause then she would think that that’s what I was after, but to be honest that’s what I was after but not just that, but she would not understand that I was after sex and more than sex, I just pretended I was not after sex but the other things that I loved about her.

V ordered a milk shake, then an ice cream, then the sun started to set, it looked so beautiful seated up there, and the pretend candles they brought when it became darker. It was so romantic.

The things we talked about, mostly talked about her, how she is the angel she is, and how she could be a better angel. She loved listening to the ideas I gave her on how more philanthropic she can be. We discussed how it would make someones day better if you just talked to them.

“Na habari yako?”

“Na leo umekuja job mapemahii kazi yako sii rahisi.”

We talked about how talking to people just to make them happier is actually being philanthropic. I hated it when V said she loved everyone, cause she believed it was good to love your neighbour, but I was the only one that should be loved, anyways, I understood V, I tried not to be selfish by insisting she loves me. I decided not to think about it. Cause what do you gain from day dreaming about f a girl that you might never get to f again? What do you gain from wanting someone to love you or forgive you for ignoring them when you have very little control of how they feel?

I decided the healthy thing to do was to decide what my stratergy would be, and my strategy on handling V was simple. Even though she was my girlfriend, I would take her for three dates before I asked her to come over to my place, the first date would be Sankara, the second would be Norforkand the last would be a small coffee shop, maybe Nairobi Java House. None for big meals, just drinks and snacks. 

And once we were done going for those three dates, I would ask her to come over, if V did not come over and f me, I would not stress over it. I would leave her and look for another person who loved me. It was a cruel strategy but I had work, the Limuru and the Naivasha business did not give me time to start chasing after women. I realized I had relationship goals, and V and I had an amaizing relationship, but even if I had ignored her, when I got on top of her that day and she said.

too soon, at least take me out first”

There was a limit I had set for her. If she does not f me after the third date I was done. Besides, after the third date it would not feel worth it any more, I would feel like V was using me, and even though I loved V with everything I was, I would have to look for that love somewhere else if V did not give me that love. Besides, V had that grey dress that drew her back side features irresistibly well. 

I felt guilty, but a guy is a guy. I was not going to pretend. Also I was not going to be so stupid to tell V that she had a limit of three dates before I decided to go look for love somewhere else. I treated V delicately. But then, V had other ideas, maybe our conversations went really well during the dates, she loved it when we discussed her acts of generosity and kindness women like that don’t they?

Maybe she liked them so much that’s why she cancelled our third date which I did not want her to cancel and decided that she would come to my place instead. V slept next to me as usual. But you notice little unusual things about your girlfriend slowly right? Like for instance the fact that she did not want to cuddle too much, she complained about my holding her she would feel too hot.

“Just stay in your space…”

Well, I loved the sex. It felt good, I think all that taking her out made it feel different. What I was still curious about was the holding thing and the cuddling. 

The next day I was meeting a potential client at Subway, we were to have a sandwitch with him there. I was to give him a few documents to sign, meeting clients is most of the time like dating, only that this time, you don’t want sex or a relationship from them but you want money and a commitment that they would buy your products consistently. 

That particular day I was not so excited about going on that business meeting, but I went for it for the sake. The reason I was not so excited about going for it was cause I was still thinking about V. I would want to bed her again and enjoy her again. My mind was in circles about that. I did not have the energy to meet this new client, flirter him, convince him my products were the same, ask for him to commit to paying me and sign papers, I was not in the mood for that. But I went for the meeting anyways. 

It turned out perfect. The meeting was different from the ones that I had had before, instead of the guy expecting to be convinced he started complimenting me on my businesses and what not, and even though he I was not sure that he would sign the papers or not I felt that was what a good business meeting should feel like. 

V hardly ever asked me to go out of my way to love her. She was the one who did most of the complimenting, she was the one who did most of the between bed sheets pleasure giving, at the beginning when I meet her, I did nothing really, she was the one that took the risk and jumped into bed too soon. I felt I should do more for V, I felt guilty for setting the date limit to three dates then give up. Cause if V had given up on me… 

where do I sign?”

pardon?”

I was so absent minded during that meeting. 

“I have businesses too, I know if I pay you to deliver products you will do so, plus I understand that your business is growing now, and if you haven’t shut it down despite the fact that it is eating a lot of your money it shows you are committed, anyways, show me where to sign, it gets easier and the money will come just stick in there and make sure you deliver your products to me on time.”


Thank you so much. Commitment, do not give up, it gets easier. V still on my mind. But at least I was not as horny V had sorted me out. My relationship with V was back on hot, but not hot enough yet. (to be continued)


Incomplete

2 Mar

(…continuation) When you go for a date you are either interviewing or being interview. When you are a guy and you have had lonely nights there is a high probability you will be interviewed, because you are ready to take home anything in s skirt. If you are a girl and your age is, you wil;l take anyone who is ready to offer you a diamond ring, not even a diamond ring, even a key ring. So whenever you go on a date think about it, are you about to be interviewed or are you interviewing.
I had had enough women in my life, so what I was doing was interviewing I needed one that I could comfortably settle with. There were certain things that were at the top of my list that time in my life. The first was money obviously, the next was the love of my life, I was searching for love and money.
To be specific, I wanted love and a relationship like V’s parents. I remember when I went to V’s home the first time. Her parents were so religious. They were also so inviting, I mean I got hugs and almost kisses. V lived comfortably, she had all the love a daughter could want. Her parents were well to do in a way, not as rich as B’s parent but they were above average. V went to good schools from the start. I mean their parents made sure that she got a good education.
V grew up in a small town, but her parents cared enough to ensure she visited the capital often. So that when she was older she would not be amazed by things like elevators. Her parents exposed her. V parents had time for her. They say people in relationships must fight, that disagreements were inevitable.
“My parents have never argued or fought in front of me… ever since I was a child.”
And I believed v when she said that, cause V was an angel. Her parents were peaxce loving and caring. I wanted that kind of relationship with whoever I was going to end up with forever. I never wanted to be behind on paying school fees and embarrass my child, I never wanted to fight in front of the children with my wife. I was going to control my temper. I was going to make sure my kids read the good book everyday like it was church like V’s parents made V read so that she grew up to turn into the angel V was. I wanted to say less Nos to my children. When I had them, I wanted to be as in love as V’s parents, we spend literally the whole night talking about work with each other, 3 am in the morning we are talking about our investment like we are a team.
I did not wanted money like b’s father but I definitely did not want the relationship B’s father had with his family, cause as much as B’s father loved B. B was heartbroken by what her father used to do.
“My dad has another house?”
“Who does he take there?”
“those women are young enough to be my classmates…”
“I cant imagine what my mom feels…”
“Should I tell my mom that I saw dad with another woman?”
“Why does my mom get so mad when I tell her that I saw dad with another woman. Aren’t I helping her, is it not better that she knew…”
B asked me questions I couldn’t answer. I could already tell what kind of man B’s father was. A man incapable of being satisfied with any woman, a man who broke his family into two pieces. I hated how much B loved yet hated her father. It was so confusing. Instead of buying diapers for kids, B’s father would buy thongs for his hoes. Hated B’s father for that, even though he reformed and became nicer to his kids, I hated him.
I did not want to have a relationship like B’s father had with B’s mother even though they lived together. It was all a sham.
“how is business S?”
“its great… we are growing slowly.”
B ‘s father had mad money, versed wealth, earned in awful ways. He was my role model, but the fraud. I did not want to end up like him. That was why I kept up meeting up with S. and she would tell me how her business was growing. S had had this genius idea of starting a think tank but not in the strict sense in a different way. S was a consultant for everything. Her business had a couple of smart people who researched problems and came up with solutions for clients. S was becoming more brilliant at it and her reputation was growing as the person you go to for your unconventional problems to be solved.
S is taller than me no doubt. That day she was dressed in a shirt top. I was using a different number from the one I usually used. She did not know who she was talking too, I bet she thought I was a client.
“Where are you?”
“at Java”
“Which one?”
“The one close to the Supreme Court.”
“Just walk in…”
“Am already in…”
“Are you serious?”
“you are not here…”
“am leaving…”
And I started to walk away.
“this is so stupid… we agree to meet and you make me walk into a venue that you aren’t at!”
She was laughing.
“Are you the one in the black suit… come back… am in heels I cant keep following you.”
I was heading home. It hadn’t hit me that S did not know who she was talking to. I was using a different line and a different phone so my voice sounded different. When S realized it was me on the phone she Just laughed.
“I thought I was meeting a new client… and ive been hearing stories that some guys call you out on a date and they fail to show up at the venue.”
“Which kind of clients are this you keep meeting…”
My mood had changed, I should have let S know who was talking on the phone. Anyways I ordered coffee for her even though she told the waiter.
“Am fine… thanks”
We had coffee as we talked about S mostly. Her work, I felt more than ever I would have intentions with her. I mean she is a smart girl. The way she talked about her work. She told me she was working on a name for her business but so far she described her business as a Think Tank. She had a few young very smart people who problem solved, their specialty was research, they went through books, the collected opinions and came up with solutions for probems.
Her biggest client was some retail store. S suggested to them what products to develop, how to upgrade, basically what she did was copy paste what had been done in other countries adjust it a little then sell the idea to her client.
Her second biggest client was a politician. The politician wanted his brand to be sold like Sunlight. He

The Last Breakfast

27 Feb

(…continuation) There are certain advantages of being in the Capital. In the big city population is large. You turn to the left you see people, you turn to the right you see people, under the by pass there are people. Upstairs there are people, in the sky there are people, choppers and planes dotted all over. If you are lookingg for love you will probably easily find it in the city more than anywhere else. Cause whenever you meet someone who doesnt live in the capital. They always remind you.
“By the way am not from Nairobi”
The dating pool is large. Large like the dating pool of a man in a Prado or a Range Rover. Anyway girl is ready to consider a date. The dating pool in the city is wider. A bit wide like the dating pool of a hot girl. I mean everyone is trying to open doors for her and give her his number. They try take her number like it was a traffic police man trying to take a bribe.
“Where are you?”
“Am right here waiting for you.”
Countless women. And ever time I went on a date it reminded me that the only women that were in my life and could ever be with me for forever was either B or V. S is older than me, so their is no way that was going to happen. Though she was heavy in the right places. Definately not fat, but even though you said she was fat like butter it was always in the right places, she was a real african woman. And not sticks.
“Am here.”
I remember dating B, sometimes I would be totally in love with her beauty, sometimes I would not. But once she started talking and mention things like.
“Flatten out the sugar…”
On the teaspoon. I knew she was smart. In the manner she described things. But more than being reasonably cleaver. B was mostly reach, very rich. But there was one day when B came over that all changed.
“When are you coming…”
“Am coming tonight…”
“I miss you.”
“B you know I cant say that back, am dating V you know.”
“I know but am just saying it, the fact that you are dating someone else doesnt make me love you any less.”
“Love?”
“Dont you love me too?”
“You know I cant say that B.”
“Why?”
“Because I love V.”
“If you love V then why are you calling me to come over, you have a problem…”
“Then dont come over.”
B would hang up.
“Hi,”
“You called again, what is it that you want?”
“Come lets talk about the Naivasha farm, we are co-owners anyways…”
“We never discuss that when I come over. We always end up in bed together instead.”
“So are you coming?”
“Give me thirty minutes.”
I got home before she did. And when I opened the door, I couldnt look at her. B looked different, I dont know whether it was the guilt I was feeling that made me find B less attractive than she really was, I wonder if it was the new hair style she had on, or was it that perfume that she wore that was so repulsive it formed smog in the air that her beauty was no longer clear. I didnt hug her. Or did I. Even if I did it was just for a second.
It felt like how you would feel when you are forced by your quest to find love to sit out numerous dates with women so unattractive in your eyes you cannot look at them while talking. There personality is so flat that you just wonder how much hard work it would be to change that tire everyday is you and your date ended up together.
B looked awful, I had planned that we would cook together. But I just couldnt. I looked at her and literally felt disgusted. Out of pity or niceness I tried to stay in the kitchen with B so that we could cool together but I just had to go brush my teeth cause a bad taste was left in my mouth. She had shaved the sides of her head and only had hair running from her hair line to her neck. She did not look good in that. It did not work out for her.
Can I chase her? Will I have to spend the night with her? Will I? i cant sleep next to her. I cant chase her.
“Just finish cooking ive gone to watch tv.”
I often did foreplay in the kitchen when we cooked with B, so that when we got to the bed I would simply jump right in. But I couldnt. I didnt. I did not want anything to do with her. I pretended I was going to change the television channel manually so that I could position myself further away from where B sat. I even turned off the lights so that i could see B less. It was ridiculous but it was better.
And then again, I wondered. Was I feeling so guilty for cheating on V that I could not see B beauty any more. Or was she just not attractive anymore. I ate hastily. Then went to bed. I slept so far away from B. Did not touch her even ones. I am sure she noticed cause she curled on the other side of the bed on her phone.
I knew that that would be the last time I saw B. I knew the next day when I served B breakfast in bed it would be the last meal. Because there was no way I was going to wait for her hair to grow. Besides, B did not mean anything to me any more. I felt nothing. Just like a woman feels bad when a man only wants her for sex, I felt bad that B only wanted me for a relationship. Maybe thats the reason why I had started losing interest. And that day I had lost so much interest in B that even if it rained. Or a fire broke out. I would not leave the room until I was a second away from getting burnt or wet. I did not care somply. I did not care for B.
During the night I obviously let B give me head then I came and held her down. I didnt care how she felt about swallowing. The next day I was going to serve her the last breakfast we would have together.
I did not sleep all night. All I was thinking about was V, I realized B had been wasting my time, effort and money. It was a classic case of the grass is always greener on the other side. I loved V I do not know why I kept on chasing B. i was done, if there were trips to be taken Inwould take them with V, if there were fancy restaurants to fine dine at, I would take V, if there were shoes to be bought, I would buy them for V if there were jeans to be bought I would by them for V, if there was a discount, I would be shopping for V, if there were balls to be hit, tennis balls, squash balls, golf balls. I would hit them with V. I wanted to enjoy V company more. I realized that what B was was just a distraction which I was done with.
That big booty B had did not matter any more. She said they got beaten in school and they used to practise twerk so that they would kaza thats how it became big. But that did not matter. B’s father’s money also did not matter any more. I was done with B, I was done with B’s father. I wanted the good life but not that bad. I wanted a good girl, I already had her. V. I wanted clean business, no dirty money and I knew S would be my new role model. Her side business was doing great anyways. I had new vision, things were clear.
I served breakfast to B that morning so fast, I got to the house so early. Cause I just wanted to be away from B and not even see her. (To be continued…)

Reprimands

23 Feb

(…continuation) As much as B’s father was successful and as much as he thought I was till dating B her daughter, he still bullied me. B’s father thought I was dating her daughter but what he did not know what her beautiful nice daughter did. B slept with everyone to start with. And she was cruel, she loved revenge instead of icecream, she used chocolate to manupilate people. Thats what she loved about chocolate. She was just different from ever girl.
B’s father had his empire to run. I had my day time job, my working hours were eight to five. And I did not do over time no matte how much anyone was willing to pay me. I had very active hobbies, golf, lawn tennis, fine dinning and even though I had all the money in the world, if I couldnt engage in my hobbies what was the use of the money. Thats what made me stricked about my working hours. Eight to five not a minute more.
For extra money I had the side business, the Naivasha food production farm and the Limuru floeer production farm. Those were the farms that provided me with extra income. My business did well because I realized how important they were to my lifestyle. So, I gave the Limuru business time, I gave the Naivasha business effort. Cause they meant a lot to me. As much as my working hours were eight to five. It had started to feel like I worked up to 9pm.
B’s father always loved to meet up at the lounge downstairs at Eca or Sarova stanley in CBD on second floor. We would literally spend hours there. He was teaching me how to make money. He would be working on his lap top, I would be working on my ipad. I would give him my draft email and prospectus for him to scrutinize. And what he did all the time was say…
“This is wrong…”
“Have you even gone through this?”
“This is wrong.”
“If you wrote this to your current clients, they will actually withdraw their money from your farm this is shody…”
And I would redo the whole thing again.
“This is also shody, you know business is a hard area and are you sure you are cut out for it.”
I wondered whether he was talking like that because he was also frustrated with his work. Because B’s father was frantically typing into his laptop always ln the phone talking in French and German and saying things I could not understand. But thr tone of it was that he was friestrated. And the curse words. Bullshit fuck was the order of the day.
It had become somewhat a routine, we would either meet at Eca or on second floor at Sarova stanely, sometime ArtCaffe at Galleria or Junction. And we would spend time talking about business. He would be working on his projects I would be working on my Limuru and naivasha firm.
I would call investors, porential investors, clients, I would draw budgets, internal ones and extrrnal ones to send to investors. It was work everyday. Paper work, and making phone calls. Every day from about 5pm, sometimes we would meet in B’s father office. Most times we would meet out.
“What is that you are wearing?”
“Find a darker suit!”
“Only black, dark black not this other faded black… Or blue, dark blue or navy, rarely charcoal, spare the strips. Try not to wear grey. What is this you are wearing?”
Am a grown ass man. I did not like being talked to like that. But I wanted B’s father to like me. I wondered whether I was enabling him to talk to me like that cause all I did was smile at him.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Light blue shirts, white shirts, small strips. But generally no strips, simple but elegamt. Make it work… Come one! This people need to feel your power and effortlessness. Lose that lose his…”
It was like I was in a military camp. One day it got to me. And I wanted to quit meeting up with B’s father. But the cars he drove, the latest Mercedes, if it was 2014 he would be driving the 2015. I would not be surprised if she shipped in the 6×6 mercedes or the Mercedes Mayback. And the Range Rover. Autobiography, the car valuers valued it like it was prime land. His Mercedes was in white. He tried to make it look plain, he tried to make it look like a Toyota. When he wanted to show his status he used the Range Rover. That one was adjusted to look loud. To look like money and power. Plus the convertible. His fun car to use.
I wanted all that. So I did not complain. He shouted at me more than he shouted at his staff. Maune by enabling him, he was becoming closer to me cause he could tell me everything. Or was I letting him disrespect me. My Limuru business wa doing well before he came into the picture. Its the Naivasha business my co-owning it with B that made him interfere.
But what was B’s father teaching me? A man who had made his money from fraud. The achers of land his property sat on, in Muthaiga, you cannot simply have that much land. But his house was big. He had horses. I even heard that the tolling metal behind his Range Rover was to pull his boat to Naivasha. He lived the life. Was the plane in Wilson airport his? I wanted to be like B’s father. I had this great opportunity to be next to him. But then…
“What is this? Are you serious? This is shody!”
He kept on saying that all the time. Should I have continued to let him?
My relationship with V was also hitting the rocks. It was like it had fallen from a cliff and needed bandages. It could not walk. I was not getting a good night like I wanted to and its not like my sperm was not generating. I needed a release. And V and I had this mood about us. She would say No if I asked. So I had to find a way.
“V i think we need to talk?”
And I figured since counicating is very important to a girl like V. Thats where I started it off.
“We need to communicate more cause I dont know what you are feeling and am getting friestrated.”
Before V could say anything to contradict. I reminded her.
“You are a girl, I am a guy, dont eve try to bother understanding my values I will not even bother trying to understand your values. Cause Inwill fail, you will fain. Do you want us to argue like the rest are? Chics and guys?”
V looked interested. She looked excited. She was ready. I was ready.
“So since we have agreed we can never see eye to eye, there certain things a guy wants?”
“Sex?”
Definately sex. But I was not stupid to tell V that.
“Not exactly, that sounds vulgar. But I mean, I want to take the next step, get intimate you know…”
And then before she could reply.
“What would you prefer yourself, what do you want me to do? How am I frustrating you cause you dont seem exactly happy lately?”
I knew B would not give me a direct answer. I knew I had to push a little. I needed her to tell me.
“Give me names…”
“What?”
“Give me the names of the women youve cheated on me with…”
I reminded her that honest and what not made for a good relationship. And not my words had trapped me. I told her we have to negotiate. I give her some information cause thats what she values and she gives me some of what I value. A moment in bed with her.
I stopped the car literally by the road side.
Do I really mention B’s name? I figured V already knew B was involved. She just wanted to confirm. So I went with it.
“Its B.”
Then I made promises. I had given her the names. It was her chance to meet me halfway. There we were. She turned. The co-drivers seat.
“I cant do this here. We will be seen?”
I turned her. I urged her. She turned. He booty in the air. I was squeezing to fit in the car. And there we were I was having her.
“No, no, dont stop. Am almost there.”
Then I was there. (To be continued…)

Always another option

23 Feb

(…continuation) all the signs were there. I knew what would happen next. Have you ever been faced by a full case of such signs from your girl. You already know what is going to come next. Because V was not the first girl I ever dated. I had also dated B.
First of all, as much as V was an angel. It got to her. And when it got to her she complained. When she complained it was not that she was trying to be noisy. Its just that she simply did not accept the state things were in.
“Where have you been?”
Such questions become an every day occurance.
“Dont you think you will get tired?”
“You have to stop”
Evidence that I was seeing B behind V’s back was not present. Evidence that I kept thinking of S. Was absent. Where was the mood coming from? Do women just have a sixth sense like that. I knew I might not end up with V cause at the end of the day what I was looking for is love. And the woman I loved spending the whole night naked with was V. But she was increasingly becoming uncomfortable with our situation. I mean, she had all these questions.
“Where were you?”
“What were you doing?”
“You should try to be a good person.”
And as much as I accept critism. I do not think an alcoholic wants to spend the whole night being told not to drink any more. He knows he shouldnt drink but he is addicted and that shit doesnt come easy to him. He simply cannot go to the door and press the switch off. Everyone is addicted to something, and the best way to understand an addict is to remember what you are addicted to. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it is spending money you dont habe. Buying shoes you do not need, if yiu cant stop that stuff. Then thats how an alcoholic feels about his bottle I guess.
So every night V started to talk about those things she was not sure about but were real. I started to feel different about her. Was V judging me? Did she not know that everyone cannot be an angel like she was.
“Where were you?”
“Whose?”
And she would be in bed sad. She would be in the living room watching tv with me but her mind would wonder. It would take a walk and go places. But I was paranoid. That B was the sourse of all the paranoia V had. Cause B was the sources of every darkness in my life.
I did not know how to hate that time. But I think I needed to learn. Cause i was sure B was filling V’s mind with rubbish. Maybe not directly but through V’s friends. I was sure that V was not that kind of girl. V loved me unconditionally. We had a lot of fun together.
We fought with pillows. We almost talked during sex. We went out quite a bit. We bought each other gifts but I bought her more. I was become more and more avaliable for V. Just like she was there more and more for me. But V was an angel, but she had started acting less of an angel. She was acting like someone was corrupting her. Because it was unlike hwe to talk the way she had started talking.
“What do you think?”
“Where were you?”
“You know you have a problem?”
It was the same thing that had happened that made me break up with B. The same questions. The continual dissatisfaction of our relationship. V had started critisizing me everyday. And every time she thought of me as a bad person and expected the worst from me. I started to think of the same of myself. I even stopped trying to be better.
“Who is this corrupting V?”
“It must be B.”
We were so happy with V. I was thinking of making my house more comfortable for V cause. Thats where we spend the most of our relationship. I wanted to get V a heavier phone as well as myself. Cause thats where we spend most of our relationship when we were away from each other. But the signs were present. The increased complaining was disatisfaction of the state we were in.
I started withdrawing slowly, it was like I was preparing for heartbreak. It was like I was preparing for V to finally decide she was done with me. It was no longer enjoyable being together with V. How would I be together with someone who you feel is about to leave.
“Hey S…”
“Where are you S?”
“Can we meet up S?”
“Can we talk about business S?”
And we had coffee with S almost everyday. It was nothing like B, cause B was so polished and so spoilt besides B was not as smart as B. She had this simplistic was of looking at business that shocked me. But with her dad that rich. Did she need to move a mussle really? Or just enjoy it. Then V. She was an angel alright. She was supportive. But more and more S and I started to feel like we were something.
Not friends with benefits, though I would love that. Definately not a one night stand. Cause if I hit that I would want to hit it again and again. Not neccesarily on one night over and over agakn. But on different nights over and over again.
S and I met every day. We met every day when V startted to act different. Like she was B. And B is a bad girl. V was acting disatisfied about she and I.
“You can do whatever you want .”
“If you love someone else you can leave. Am not aftaid of cometition, I want you to stay witng me cause you care about me.”
But I could tell, V’s friends were hanging out with B. And B was poisoning V friends mind. And V’s friends could not help but sambaza that poison to V’s mind.
“He doesnt love you.”
“He will leave you”
To be honest I did not feel like or ever want to leave V. But she excessively changed after her mind was poisoned. She stopped looking at my actions. Okay she concentrated on my negative actions and less on my positive actions. So V started to believe I did not love her. And I loved her. I started to get tired of convincing her.
I started to think more of making money. Then I sunk myself in work. And work involved hanging out with S. Even though S was not as rich as B’s father. S was a start up. She was looking at success dead in the eyes. S was smart and to be honest V had influenced me into being such an angel, that I was actually opting to leave B’s father’s mode of success and pick S, cause S was cleaner.
I had a lifestyle I had to maintain. I needed money, money to fuel the planes, money to eat out every day in the likes of Hilton. I needed money to clothe me. I needed to live in a big house that my future kids would have. Drive the latest model of Mercedes, I mean if we are in 2014 I would want to drive a 2015 model mercedes. An SUV, like a Range Rover because angone who owns a Rolls Royce also owns a Range Rover. The tennis, the golf, the horses, the parting, they were not going to pay for themselves. I simply needed to maintain that big glamarous life. B’s father had a sure corrupt way of making me earn. He was ready to teach me like he had started teaching me how to fly one of his planes.
But S was reminding me that there were smarter and nicer ways to make money without habing to hurt anyone. And I needed something, I needed a matress, I reallly loved V, so if she decided to break up with me I needed a place to land. I was preparing that place, I was going to land on my business. And S was turning into something more than a couple with me. She was turning into a patner. And I wanted an empire.
I did not know whether V would wake up and realize that all her friends told her were things that they were told by B, intentionally to make her leave me. It was not that what B was telling V’s friends was not real. It was partly real. But they were unnecesary truths. They were like statistics to a report that would support a war. I hoped that V would wake up and realize that what she was doing was continuosly looking at the bad sides of me and ignoring the good.
What could I do? Just wait and see. I had changed. If it was not for V, I would have choosen B’s father path to success. But V was being poisoned so that her eyes would look but not see any more. Only time could tell. I was starting to love my businesses more, the Limuru one, and the Naivasha one. They put a smile on my face and money in my pocket. The job I had was enough money. The job you have is enough but you need something on the side. A side business you can love with all your heart. Especially when you get heart broken it can be rebound. Just like anyone with a big business talks about his business like it was his wife.
“You cannot buy this business, its not for money.”
“I love this business, it has given me comfort when all else have left me.”
We sat with S for long coffee until late. Talking and thinking about business. And she kept on saying very logical things.
“If you want to sell this.. Let me show you…”
And when a woman talks to you business like that she becomes less away of her vulnerability cause she thinks its all about work and her walls are down. (To be continued…)

Role Models

23 Feb

(…continuation) There I was again, sitted at the pool bar in Sankara 7th floor. i was at it again, the usual, searching for love. Yet I had a girlfriend V. I was on another date with B, I kept convincing nyself that I had meet B just to talk business. But I know it was just an excuse to feel less of a slut. I was still looking for love and I already had V.
Would I end up being this kinds of guy. I always womdered. Would I end up like B’s father. That question still puzzled my mind. Would I? I was already acting in ways… I had taken up flying classes at Wilson. I was on my way to being a pilot just like B’s father was.
You know how he impressed his clients. He would fly them out of town. B’s father once took my investors to my naivasha farm. B’s father knew how to potray success. And the best way he did it was doing things like flying clients in a private chopper to Naivasha and back in one afternoon.
But B’s father money was dirty. He made his money in unthinkable ways. He lied, he was involved in fraud. He took money out of hardworking Kenyans. Then built a castle for himself whoch B wnjoyed.
I wanted to be as rich as B’s father. But I did not want to turn into him. But wasnt I already turning into him. I mean, he advised me to wear more white and blue shirts and less of other colors. He adviced me to be more plain and wear more darker suits. He told me I needed to look like the people who had money for the people who had money to trust me with their money. He said that my investors should not be distracted by how too good my suit looks, so that when they leave they do not go discuss my fashion sense but my work.
I was already wearing more white and blue shirts. But you know, even when people change. They still retain their personality. Besides, even when people change they change in their own way. My personality was not lost. But my lack of role models was leading me to think that the only way I could make money is if I did what B’s father did.
And B’s father was a horrible man. I mean, how do you not regard a man horrible if what he does is instead of carrying for his family he took small goes to trips on his private plane all over the country. Whilst his daughter never had a chance to enjoy that. How do you describe a man who repeatedly cheats on his wife. His infidelity has no measure. Was this the man I was turning into. I had to stop myself.
But there I was, the roof top of Sankara. Sorry, I mean second floor. I completely had no money, okay, let me make this more clear. It was nearing the end of the money and I had not paid my workers in the Naivasha business, I had not paid the workers working in Limuru. I had sent the managers and the accountants a message.
– I promise. Monday I will pay half and today I will deposit the first half.
I waited for their reply. Maybe I wanted them to say okay. But they did not reply. Which made me feel even workse. Cause if they replied it would be sort of them accepting that it was okay for me to pay them late. They did not reply. I felt bad.
Mostly bad cause I knew I was not going to pay them anyways. The money would not be ready on Monday, even friday. Heck they might have to wait until the next month. What was I doing with the money? I was spending it looking for love. Buying B stuff. Buying V stuff. Just blowing money I did not have. And yet I had found love. And yet I was with V.
But even though I was spending my money recklessly. Using my worlers salary go treat women. I was taking V out. At least I had started.
“Hey V…”
“Hey, where are you?”
Thats how it started. But V was always availabls. I mean she was fhe kind of gi I called at any time of the day but mostlg at any gime of the night and she would show up. I mean I called her at 2am, yes I would have to pay for the cab but she showed up. And to a man jt really matters that a chic shows up.
I remember those nights when I could think aboht were the women I had gone out with. The ones that wore transparent tops with bras that matched their lip stick. I remember the women I saw in the streets. The women i saw in music videos. The women I saw on tv. I am a man, I easily get taken away by stimuli. Simlmple stimulae like a girl suggestivy picking items in the lower most shelf in the shop. Bend lver things.
Some nights think would get rough. I would have a hardons lkke kt was a headache. I just meeded the medicine i would toss and thrn all night. Telling myself it was all in the mind. Buut its only in the mind for women. Women cannot hnderstand that men were made in such a way that they had to hunger for it so much to keep the species alive. If we wanted it like women. Then I can promise me at some point we wohld be extinct. All male animals have tbat sexual drive women cannog understand.
There is that girl that is everything you want to call her. She os a thot. She is too easy. She does too much. But she is medicine. She is your drug. You get addicted. You want your fix.
She is fealiable to a girl like a good bank is fralliable ljke a bank. Have you ever met a guy who was like a bank? Even at 2am or at 3am fhe bank atm doesnt ask you.
“What do you want to do with the monej?”
It just accepts that youve asked it to withdraw. And it lets you over withdrW. It trysts that if you over withdraw you will repay. Have you ever meg a guy like that. Do you use him? Kind of? Do you find him kind, loving, reliable? Kind off. Does his being successful help you look at his face differently. Yes.
Well, V was like tbat. When I needed her cause I had fhat headache every man gets. She gave me head and I relaxed. She would be there all the time. You want to call her a slut. You want to call her desparate. You want to say she did too much. Vut the best thing to call her is a wife.
I know I was soending time with B all the time. Blowing money ln women like B sho knew better fhan to show up every time I called. I was spending money on women lkke B who simply were so cool. Trying to chase the wind. Throwing money I did not have places it wouldng come back from.
But V was patient like the angel she was. So I started doing thjngs differenf. Even though I was taking B to 7th floor Sankara and blloeing money like there aS nl tomorrow. Even though I was using money that was supposed to pay bills for workers and fhe farm generally. I was faking girls like B to shopping sprees like fhere was no tomorrow. But on more and more ovcassions I called V.
“Hey honey…”
“Wana go out…”
And I would treat her like the princess she was. Take her to all the places that I took B. But not taking her to all those places cause I wanted to get into her pants but I took V out cause Ioved her. And I was willing to show V I loved her ten times more than I could ever love B. And I was doing it the best was a guy knows how.
So even though you could somewhat argue that I was becoming more like B’s father. That I was changing into B’s father. I was changing into B’s father in my own ways. The bad thing I was doing was spending peoples salaries, people with families looking for love. So some people salaries were getting to them late causs I was looking fof love. But at least I was spending a chunk on it on V. I was thinking of the house V and I would live in.
I was not taking random young women up in the air like b’s father was doing. I had learnt he fllew clients to impress them but sadly he also flew women that were not B’s money. i was changinging into B’s father. But I was trying to just pick the good parts and leave out the bad. Do you think I was going to be successful in doing that picking the good from my role moedel and leaving the bad?

Do unto others

23 Feb

(…continuation) Love, there is no one as loving as V. I date V and I know it. No one, if you need a definition of love there are some people you can go to. If you have parent’s life V’s parents who shower and spoil their children with love then you can describe it as so. V not only loved me. She loved everyone.
“Why do you keep turning down the music?”
I would be back in the sitting room trying to add the music back to how loud it was at the beginning. I loved listening to music in the shower. But my bathroom shower made that noise like it was thunderstorm mixed with the sound of an old fridge. The buzz, so you had to turn the music a bit louder to dance to it in the shower.
“but the neighbors?”
“who cares about the neighbors, V turn the music back up!”
I kept on insisting.
But V,is an angel and is full of love. She literally loves the neighbors more than she loves herself. Her point was simple.
“There is a whole family living next door.”
“So?”
“Don’t you think they are affected by the music love…”
“but they haven’t said anything.”
That’s when V informed me that she had done her own research which involved getting to the compound to my house and testing what amount of music I could play comfortably in the house without it disturbing anyone.
“Plus there is a man who lives there he probably has an ego like every man does…”
“So?”
“You now have money, you have power, let the man next door also feel like he has power and that he cannot let the neighbor play music without…”
“what are you saying?”
“What I mean is that let the man whose your neighbor feel like he is the king of the castle.”
I showered that morning without my music.
The neighbor who V was so eager to make sure they were happy was actually an ass. I mean. V was reversing the car and the guy ju9st got out of the car throwing hands. I mean everyone makes mistakes and its not like we hit him or anything. That’s when it all made sense. The fact that that guy came out of the car throwing his hands in the air mad and throwing bad words at V made me realize wha8t the ego thing V was talking about. Yes, the guy was stronger than me, he was bigger than me, so technically he had more power than me what he did was embarrass me in front of V.
“So is this the guy who you wanted me not to embarrass by not playing loud music?”
“yes.”
“Did you see what he just did to us with his fingers?”
“well, don’t do anything, just leave him alone, its fine. At least you know on your part you do not use your power and right to play loud music to embarrass him in front of his children.”
I felt bad, V was learning how to drive, she needed more experience driving a manual so she was dropping me at work that morning. I was sad about that incidence and I wondered whether or not I should have fought back for V, cause V is an angel. She deserved being fought for,
But she did not want to be fought for, she was smiling like nothing had happened. She did not want revenge like I did. Myself I just wanted to go back to the house and put my speakers next to the window play such loud music that that neighbors house would be blown by the beats to some song. But V did not want that, she wanted me to be peaceful, she did not want me to revenge and show that guy. Never mess with my girl.
“I mean, my morning is bad… how do you remain so happy?”
V was till driving. We were almost at my work place.
“Life is short it is better we spent time loving each other than arguing… plus I am happy I have done a good deed today.”
For some reason, I felt I needed to kiss V there and then. Where do you find such a different girl. I mean V almost has a golden hallo on her head. She is the queen like that.
She dropped me at work and went to the saloon. Obviously she did a little damage to my wallet. I mean she took some money for saloon and spa. But when you get a chance to spoil a real life angel, don’t you do it? To the full?
“how was the saloon?”
“Good.”
“Are you done?”
“yes.”
“Lunch at Norfolk?”
“oh yes.”
I saw V in that hair style again. It brought back memories of dark days. V looked so different. She looked so damn different and the last time she looked like she was.
Do I really need a girl like this? I mean, she looks like… is she really a girl or a guy?
Those days she held her hair like that were the first days we met.
But she talks so well. She holds a conversation so well. Can I really? Can I even kiss her. Touch her arm. Look, look at her chest, does she have boobs. You have to confirm. Look. Look.
That’s how v looked. As we went up the stairway in Norfolk at the entrance, I walked a step ahead to just look at her a little more. I wanted to see her better. In my mind I was compromising, debating. Should I just leave V. I cant kiss her looking like that.
“Whats up? What happened at work? Your mood has changed and you are looking at me funny.”
Could I have told V the honest truth. How do you tell a girl she looks masculine, those days V looked tom boyish like that I had to keep holding her arm to confirm it was as soft as a chics.
“I could tell from the moment we were at the stairs you looked like I was not what you were looking for.”
Those statements from V reminded me what happened back in the day when I meet V. I did not feel she was feminine enough and there was no way I could have told her. I did not know what to do, I wanted to friendzone her. The hair style was back and I hated it. I was trapped having lunch with V looking like that. I thought about leaving V. was I really attracted to her?
“Am just scared of you V.”
That what I told V. I could not tell her she did not look feminine enough. During the lunch break all I thought was about B’s father. The waiters served the food V and I ate in silence. I just gave one or two words. When the dessert came, we were to share like we always do when I am with V. we used one spoon and I guess how she looked that day disgusted me so much that I could see her lips part and the lines of saliva. I hated the ice cream. In fact immediately after that I went to the chemist cause I had some sick taste in my mouth.
“Hi…”
“hi.”
“I just shared a spoon with someone, ice-cream date and I think she infected me with something…”
“when was this?”
“Like five minutes ago.”
“That is not possible.”
The pharmacist saw the look on my face and he could tell I needed something.
“Maybe its just an irritation, strepcils?”
“yes please.”
The bad taste of medicine made me feel better. V the girl I was dating, all of a sudden I felt like I was way out of her league. I know the bad thoughts about her would come to bite me. Cause you never think that about angels, if you do… I tried to think more about the business meeting I was going to go to.
“you don’t like my hair…”
I remind quiet.
“You don’t?”
I did not say anything.
“ask your friends, maybe they would give you a better opinion.”
“Just tell me… okay you don’t like my hair.”
V dropped me and went back to the saloon to undo her hair. I let her. If there is something I learnt about business is that a day time job is never enough. You need extra income from a side business or investment. And to start a side business, you start it like a joke. You literally joke about it.
“You know one day am going to be a farmer…”
And people laugh, and you think about it and before you know it you have the Limuru farm and the Naivasha farm. I also learnt that the people you sell flower to, they come back for some more. You get loyal customers and they are the life of your business. So when they call you for a meeting, you show up.
One of my clients had called me for a meeting in his office. He mostly dealt with weddings and he recommended anyone who had a wedding to me plus he bought flowers on his own. I had been standing in his office with some other seven people, we were having the most serious talks when my stomach started aching. It took a turn.
In a matter of minutes I needed a washroom badly. I could tell that what I was going to have was the opposite of constipation. I started to sweat. Pain. I felt tears, panic. I needed a loo.
“I’ve gone to the washroom.”
But I couldn’t use the office washroom, someone could here. Fifth floor, will I make it to ground floor? There I was in a suit dancing around the lift, legs up and down. Afraid something will just come out, a stomach ache so intense it made me feel like I had asthma. Was it the medicine I had taken? No? was it revenge cause of having such bad thoughts about my angel V.
I couldn’t wait for the lifts. I took the stairs, the stares, talking to myself. I needed a washroom. Where? Closest place? Nakumatt lifestyle.
“where are you V?”
“Saloon.”
There was no way she could pick me. I started walking, crossing roads without looking right or left. Cars hooting. I needed a cab.
“nakumatt lifestyle… haraka… am sick.”
The cab guy realizing the situation I was in. it was a ten minutes walk. But I had to take a cab.
“kuna daktari huko?”
“hapana, chemist”
There was no way I was going t tell the cab guy I was about to have diarrhea in his car. But it’s as if he knew.
“Tumbo?”
“Yes… I don’t know what I ate.”
I gave him the money before I alighted. He used the wrong lane but no one could stop him. The washroom at nakumatt lifestyle is like a public toilet. You pay to get tissue.
I was walking with a bent back. I gave the guy a 500 bob note to get the tissue. I picked a whole box of them. He looked at me. He knew what was going on.
“Just get in there man…”
I walked to the loo. Sweating. Finally, I tried the doors. None could open. People were in. could I mess right here. I jogged. I hopped, I hoped. I wondered why the guys wouldn’t get out. I felt the toilet flash. Finally, one is vacant. Walked right in.
Pain. Trembling hands. Hang my coat on the door. Slide down my pants. Made sure I did not seat on the loo. And the stomach ache was killed. I let it all out. The pain of having thought about V the way I thought about her. I let out all the pain. Then I went to the chemist and took some medicine. (to be continued…)

Good Relationship

23 Feb

(…continuation) I really care about V. one of the things I really love about my relationship with V is that whenever she is at my place, I really look forward to meeting her. Whether she is the first to get to the house and she is the one that opens the door for me, or whether I am the first to get home and open the door for her with a kiss and an open mouth. The open mouth not cause I am about to kiss her, but because her beauty takes my breath away all the time. But sometimes when I go home and find V in the house, am usually from meeting up with my ex B. I sometimes wonder, whether I should reply to her like so.
“hey babe, where have you been,its so late…”
“I have been at work…”
Or
“I have been meeting a friend…”
Or
“I have been having coffee with a business associate…”
Or
“I have been with my ex B.”
Or
“I have been with my ex b who I had an affair with about a month ago…”
I know honesty is the truth in relationships. And people say that you should become accountable and take responsibility for the things you do in a relationship. I had dated B before I dated V and I would feel really nice if B had been honest to me. I wish B had told me.
“I was hurt, and I decided to revenge by finding a way of making you get demoted at your work place.”
I would love if B took responsibility and done something about it. Maybe even write to the boss and apologize for what she did. But then again. Should I just change over night and be completely honest and take responsibility for everything I do? Especially take responsibility for the way I hurt V?
“I was with my ex B for coffee v, ive been seeing her, am sorry, I love you V.”
All of that is true, and its taking responsibility for hurting V, also its being accountable. Don’t you hate it when your patner hurtsyou and doesn’t want to admit it, he she doesn’t want to take responsibility for that or even acknowledge it?
Its not just being honest and accountable, I also want to take responsibility for how I treat V. I want to make it a point that I let V talk to me, I don’t just mean speak, I mean I want her to talk to me, I want us to negotiate when we do not see eye to eye, I want to be fair to her, I want us to plan my money together and I want us to have equal power in the negotiations.
I don’t want to talk the way we talked with b. we always fought, and whenever we came to an angreement, it was never a fair negotiation, she would bring tears and sex into the picture, and at the end of it I will have committed to things I was not financially capable of sustaining.
“We will got to Maasai Mara every three month… have candle light dinner… I will be more romantic like that…”
And the money would not be enough. Good thing I got the Naivasha business and the Limuru business. I wanted B and I to meet each other half way, I wanted us to really talk and come to a conclusion that was fair. Whenever we did not agree.
“A blow job for an hour?”
We would meet each other half way. B simply did not know how to be in a relationship. She fought me, she bullied her way, she always had her way we never had equal way. She not pnly loved breakinng my hurt but also she broke my bank account intentionally to make me break even more. It was spending time being B’s boyfriend that made me understand what a horrible relationship was like.
It was like the relationship I had with my most annoying investors and clients. The ones that talked about money like it was nothing.
“Just that? Thats the amount you want? Come on! I thought you were calling me for bigger money, you know I deal with bigger money.”
And those arrogant clients and investors are the small time ones. B would promise me love. That she would be faithful, loyal, loving, available. But then what happened was when temptation came. She fell flat on someones bed with her legs up.
Everything that makes a relationship not work. B lied, she did not allow us to talk, she did not want to deal with issues, she always looked at the negative. Even when we talked she forced her way with sex and tears. Whichever she was in the mood for. She was like a romantic movie. The guy does everything but doesnt get fucked. Its all about the girl. That was how it was with B.
So when I left B. And meet V, I learnt the opposite like you lean hot and cold. Sweet and sour. Black and white. Fire and ice. V was always ready to listen. Even though she did not inderstand she tried to hear you. She hard me. V let me have my sexual ways with her. Not cause she was in the mood for it. Cause it seemed like it meant as much as love meant to her.
V supported me. I mean, when you have such support how can a man not be successful. When I got demoted and wanted to start the Limuru business, the Naivasha business. V supprted me. He drove me to the farm. When I drove her she kept me company. From the days it was only a dream.
“I dreamed about it… A farm in Naivasha or Limuru?”
At midnight. I was telling her. I wanted to start one. That it would give me that additional income I needed. V was not like B. V listened. And the more I talked to V about it, the more I made stuff up. The more I imagined how many people I would employ. The easier it was to emply the people. Because I had day dreamed it before hand, planned it before hand. Thanks to V.
If it was not for my relationship with V, I would probaly be in civil jail for not paying house rent for months. Submitting fake receipts and deposit slips. I would be in financial ruin. When I was in mud on the floor. V pulled me up. Okay maybe she did not but she was standing next to me.
“Get us out of this love. I believe in you.”
“Get us out of this, build something for us…”
Its such encouragement that got me to get the idea out of my head about supplimenting my income by starting side businesses. The businesses in Limuru and Naivasha. Which had given me enough income ever month to live better.
I loved V, cause even the days I couldnt fuel my car. She was there. She helped me, encouraged me. And I grew. My dream came true. I wanted more. But so far. I owed V. I wasnt there yet but I needed more of V’s support. V was an angel and all the words that came from her mouth were to build and encourage. And I can say. If It was not For V’s voice. I would have had nothing. Literally. I loved V. She was all the qualities of a good relationship. Do you know the qualities that make a good relationship? Do you have the qualities that make a good relationship like V has? Or are you like B? With all the bad? (To be continued…)

Infectious Halo

8 Feb

(…continuation) B’s father wanted to see both B and I. he suggested we meet for lunch.
“what time does he want us to meet him?”
“Sunday.”
“Where B, where are we meeting him?”
“am not sure…”
“did he sound pissed when he invited us for lunch…”
“I don’t know, come on, I don’t have all the answers to your questions!”
B was getting a little pissed off. To her, her father was no big deal, to me he was everything. His level of success is why politicians become presidents and retire to take care of his fortune. B’s father was the reason people went to business schools. Everyone wanted to be as successful as him. The media was always hungry for ohim, but he kept them starved, he wanted his power to be felt not seen, he wanted his wealth to be enjoyed not inquired into under a microscope. People wanted him to give advice on what success entails, but getting his audience was like looking for gold in Mombasa soil without Goldenberg.
But there he was, inviting me to his house on Sunday for lunc. I mean he was inviting me to his house for lunch. It was all cause he still thought I was dating B, had he known she was my ex maybe the situation would have been foundamentally different.
I kept thinking about why B’s father called B and I for lunch. Maybe he wanted to discuss the Naivasha farm which B and I were co-owners thanks to the loan he gave me to start ithe Naivasha business. My fear was that maybe he discovered that B and I were not dating and all that time we had lied to him.
“You seem deep in thought whats up babe?”
“I do?”
I kissed V thinking that my kissing her will make her forget about asking about what was worrying me. I started with her lips.
“Am thinking about how beautiful your eyes are.”
The moment I said that I actually froze with my lips pressed hard on V’s lips. Fuck the lights were off and I had told her I loved how her eyes looked. Unless am a cat with night vision, it had been obvious I was lying. I did not want to get my lips off of hers, I continued to press theom hard on hers so that she would not be able to talk. But you must stop kissing at some time just like the sun has to set eventually and the night comes.
“mmmh mmmh you said that my eyes look beautiful and the light are off, can you see my eyes?”
“yes,”
“Are they closed or shut?”
I was struggling with her bra. I was struggling with her skirt. I wanted to be between V’s legs, that would be the best way to make her forget.
Anyways, the next day I left my girlfriend V in the house on Sunday, to go to my ex’s fathers house. B’s father always had something about Sunday brunch. He loved them.
B lives at home. They live in one of those neighbourhoods, lets just say Kitusuri, runda, Muthaiga, Lavington such. But unlike his neighbours, his house sits on plots and plots of land. Actually his drive way, the distance from his gate to the house is about an 8 minutes walk. I wanted that, but, not the way B’s father got it, I mean B’s father lied, her ripped of companies, he under paid workers, he switched off his phone to debtors, he was greedy, he was a pig, but the tarmac between his gate and the main entrance was about 8 minutes walk, his house sat on a compound that could accommodate about fifteen houses. So much land wasted in beauty in such an exclusive neighborhood. He claimed he needed space for his chopper to land, but there was space on the garage for a chopper to land.
B’s father had a nyama choma place, on that I had never stepped into. He had space for his horses, B learnt how to trot and canter when she was very you[ng, I think that experience is what made her so good in bed, it’s like music and rhythm the way she moves.
Even though the interior of the compound was like that of Fairmont Norfork a favorite sport for B when we used to date. B’s father always loved to eat outside on Sunday. Why did B’s father love for the table to be brought outside? Because B her daughter loved that. The tree would let pink flowers fall on the green manicured grass, the grass was so green, the water bill must have been ridiculous, because feeding all that grass, its almost like B’s father had the grass died. If you calculate the amount of water used for the pools, the foundtain, the fish pond, you can imagine how ridiculous B’s water bill was.
Seated at the table with white ironed table linen and golden and white cushion dinning chair, silver plates and golden trimmed ceramic cups, I instantly knew that when B claimed to say she loved me, she meant it, cause to be honest, her leaving this castle of hers to come stay at my place was a complete and utter downgrade. Love is real people, but when it turns into hate, girls like B ruin your life so much that you fuck love.
There was a red Peugot, that was the addition to the garage in B’s house. It was red and sleek, almost too sleek for you to like it, there was something about it though, the thing about it was actually the fact that the car was a convertible. I mean a hard cover convertible, it looked like a normal car, but then what it did wa amaizing, it would take all that metal top into the boatat the touch of a button. Then the two seater car, which is a four sitter with silver at the back of the head rest would just make you orgasm.
“Did you think about what I had suggested to you?”
“yes I did, we are now both co-owners of the Naivasha business.”
“no, the other thing?”
“What thing?”
He was quiet. He stared at me, then looked at his food. Picked his fork and started eating completely ignoring my presence. That’s what B’s father did to me when I did not understand what he was saying.
When B’s father talked to B, B would never listen by the way. B would just text, play with her nails or do something.
“oh, the investor thing?”
What I should have actually said was… the fraud thing. Cause that was what made B’s father his fortunes, stealing, lying, cheating. And B’s father wanted me to be his protégée. The temptation was real, did I tell you B has always had her car parked in the garage by a home valet? The castle was there, the cars where there, the horses was there, the helipad was there, this were all the makings of a king, and there B’s father was, offering, to guide me through the sure way of becoming one of the wealthiest kenya’s in a matter of months. Yet, I still did not want to listen to him. Why?
I think V had influenced me to see things through her eyes. Ypu know what they say about birds of a feather? They flock together. You know what they say about if you want to know a person’s character, show me his friends. (To be continued…)

Regrets

30 Jan

(…continuation) It was on a Saturday morning, just like any other saturday morning I had decides to sleep in. I was dating V by the way. But B was the one in my bed. We had not even shut the curtains the previous night. B bra looked nice hanging on the chair in my room. It was pink and big, i still wonder how bra’s are able to maintain their cup like structures even after being removed. Maybe chics iron them to look like that. Chics are good at ironing. Sometimes i promise you I wear a shirt that is not ironed. And in a matter of hours the shirt turns ironed. Maybe B is so hot that when she wears her bra it irons into cups.
It was a good night, Friday night. B was sleeping my hand under her. The other hand on her hips. She was completely naked except for her socks. Her feet git cold apparently. The bed sheets and the blankets were all over like a rock stars bed. B is a big heavy, so she doesnt slip in between bedsheets like a one thousand note in an envelope. That rich girl called B sleeps in bed like trying to fit half a million bob notes into an envelope. She would tear all the edges. She literally tears all the tucked edges of the bed. Besides the positions we played out the night before. You can be sure I did not sleep alone.
“Morning love…”
I made her breakfast. Not because I wanted to, its because i wanted B to wake up and get out of the house before V showed up. Can you imagine the fresh disastor that would meet me if V my girlfriend found me with B.
“B you want to go shower…”
She took breakfast in bed. And instead of leaving the house. She decided that she was going to have the breakfast I served her and go back to bed. I was getting frustrated. How couldnt B notice that I was trying to chase her away. Was there no other way of letting her know I wanted her to leave?
I went to the bathroom and stared hard at the mirror. I needed to go. I needed to go. I needed B to leave. So as any guy would do when he needs a girl to leave so that another girl comes in. I started getting mad. Acting funny.
“Oh my sweety, you need to shower”
And there I was. Complaining about. Her mouth. I told her she had morning breath. I told her she smelt of sweat. But she really wanted to sleep.
“Lets go to the shop or get icecream?”
If I could get her out of the house. I would suggest that she can just head back to her place instead of going back home. So as B was aleep. I gathered all her stuff, her bra, her underwear, her jeans, her earings, her braclets and put them in one place so that she does not get creative and leave them behind for V to find them.
“Are you chasing me from your house?”
I had told B that I needed to head to town and when I was in town I called B and simply asked her to leave the keys under the mat. There is no greater hint of asking someone to leave than that.
“Are you chasing me?”
B was angry. I was half happy she had finally gotten the hint that I wanted her to leave. But I was also mad that she was mad about it all. I did not want to make B feel like that, she had been sk good to me the night before. She literally gave me head for hours. Not this chics who do once twice and then decide thet have given you head. As in she stayed down there for so long I almost forgot how her face looked like cause all I was seeing was her hair.
“Its almost like I am the one who puts all the effort in seeing you, do you really care about me?”
What I should have told B is that I have a girlfriend. And V would be very mad if she ever found out what I had been up to. Very mad. She would even leave me. How was I supposed to respond.
“B i am dating V and I love her. Get the fuck out of my house before V comes over.”
Thats what I should have said. But B and I co-own the Naivasha business, B and I are good in bed. B loves me, even though she is too proud to admit it. Even though I should be done with B. She is a drug that I simply cant ever get over. I remember one time I was deep in my sleep and holding V then I had this dream about B. And I think I called B’s name out allowed. And when I noticed. I went like…
“B is for ball, C is for cat, and D is for doll, and G is for goodies that V gives to me all night…”
Then continued to sleep. Okay. I did not sleep. I was just stiff wondering if V had noticed I was awake. It was very akward. But V never talked about it.
Anyways, I know you are wondering how V finally found out that there was a girl who had splept over on Friday night. But before that, let me tell you. Business is important to me, it is absolutely and perfectly important to me. B’s father lent me money, which is the reasons why my monthly income looks like this. I get money from my day time job, but that is nothing compaired to the money that comes from my Limuru business and my naivasha business.
So, B being B’s father daughter, I cannot screw up with her. I simply feel guilty. I have been working on the Naivasha business, and the Limuru business even harder. I remember waking up in the middle of the night. I remember leaving V in bed.
I went outside in my boxers and a tshirt and practise my speech. I would practise how I would say Hi, how I would talk about my business in less than sixty seconds. I practised how I would make small talk and yet come off as witty. Do not stammer. Do not use fillers. Dont go like ummmmh do not have an assent. Prononce all your words deliberately. Speak slowly. Tell the big customers about your Limuru business. i was talking aloud, to a tree. I knew no one was seeing me. But i had to practise. I looked mad I know. And when the watchman in the estate came close to the house. I pretended I was taking a short call. In my boxers and vest out of the house.
“Habari.”
I waved as I susud. He just stared at me in confusion and left. I was ceritified a mad person in his head. But I kept talking to the tree, cause I knew. I had to practise. I had to practise selling my business. And I could not sell my business without praticing my speech to potential customers. I did not want V to know what I was doing. Thats why I did it outside at 3am in the morning.
“What if I get rejected?”
The hardest part of approaching big clients for the Limuru farm, I mean weddings and exporters is that humans well, they can reject your proposals and you take it personally even though its business. You can work as hard as you want to, and hope for the best, promise yourself that you will not get hurt if people refuse to hear your proposal but it always hurts as fuck.
“What do I do when people reject my offer?”
When it happens. I will remember the bigger picture. What is the bigger picture? That I need five big clients at least every month. Two new ones. If I had five clients and three new ones I would have enought money to take up Piloting, I needed a pilot license. Just a private one. So that I can impress my clients and investors. I would have enough money to start buying and build a home, get membership on the best members clubs in Kenya, I just needed five clients and three new ones every month. If those bought my flowers in large scale from my Limuru farm. I would have enough income to be successful. So I kept reminding myself talking to the tree.
“If you reject me I wouls immediately start thinking about my future. My ultimate goal. My ultimate goal which is to get membership, get more income, buy that car and that house…”
And I assumed that that would make me feel betrer. I knew from the start that not every potential customer you approach will want to buy your flowers in large scale. Some will want to use cob webs as decorations on weddings. Some people prefer exporting ivory.
i was back in the house. Thats when I noticed the small things. I noticed B had left her shoes behind the chair. Had V seen them? Would she notice if I removed them? Would she rather I left them there. Under the bed I noticed a used condom. Had V seen it? And I thought i cleared everything.
I felt so unclean I did not want to go back to bed and hug V. Then continue sleeping with her. But what other option did i have. I pushed myself to V. Just like I had not done anything naughty the previous night with B. Cause when you get caught. The best way to act is as if nothing happened. Still show V love. V did not punish me for what I did. Cause V is an angel and she literally forgives seventy times seventy times seven. She obviously told me off cause she doesnt condone such dirtiness.
Even though V forgave me, I dont think earth forgave me. Cause Karma is a bitch. There was this lady, she carried a bag with a logo with roses on it. I quickly goodled the company name. It is one of the biggest exporters of flowers from Kenya to China and Uk. I had hit the jackpot.
I turned to the lady, and I said Hi. I should have started telling her that it was business. Maybe she thoght I was trying to hit on her thats why she said. “no” before I said anything to her. I think it was the way of the world punishing me for cheating on her. And it hit me where it hits a man the most. His pocket.
I remembered the words I told to the tree. It is not personal. The bigger picture. Remember. Dont think about it too much. You have to aim for five clients and three new customers every month. I felt better. But still. Its never business only. Its always personal. Trust me anyone who does real business knows.
(To be continued…)

You cant wish decisions away

26 Jan

You can’t wish some decisions away
(…continuation) the way I see it is that everything in this life is a risk. No, actually think about it. the way I kept on spending five times over what I was earning was a risk was it not? The risk would mature when I actually am unable to pay back for the way I was spending.
I cheated on B with V, before I started dating V. and B took the risk to punish me for it. actually when I met B she was a nice person, but I took her so much for granted and I changed her to a bad person. Do people really change, right now she is the meanest girl in the world. B took a risk, a risk that she would actually lose the person she loved, the person who she loved was me, she punished me by becoming bad, she was taking a risk doing that cause she knew I would leave her. And when that risk matured, I left her.
I take a risk every time in business, and the risk I take is a calculation. I pay for the risk with my emotions and my moods, cause every time I needed to succeed in my Limuru business, I try to sell my business, and my heart is not as strong as those people who stand with pamphlets in the street, getting ignored by people all day, my heart is not as strong as those people who beg people for votes, their business is the business of trying to please people. So every time, it’s a risk. I wish I could turn my heart off for a moment and become a robot, I bet I would be very successful,
All I would do is just before I sell my business to a new person, all I would need to do was switch of my heart and open my mouth.
“hi, I have a business in Limuru I want you to invest in…”
And in many ways I have gotten successful at selling my business this way. Which makes me wonder, I have been successful selling my business this way for so long, why is it so hard for me to continue doing so, just because one or two people told me.
“Come on stop boring us with this thing of yours…”
I think life is all a risk, you make decisions every day, weighing options, you try to find out if a guy is lying to you, you decide when to pull out your thong, you decide when to wear a thong, or a parachute, I mean something as big as that, you decide when to stay with nothing, you decide where to take her, for lunch dinner or drinks, you decide who to take for valentines, who to leave, you decide for who you will delete all the number on your phone for, burn all you bridges with the remaining skirts. Its all a decision, life and there are risks.
The issue is when you do not make a decision in you mind and therefore you let yourself be carried away by the wind.
I knew how B’s father made part of his money, and I did not make a decision not to make my money in the same way he made his. That was my mistake, the mistake I was making every day as V watched, and V had values, like patience, at this age when everyone thinks that being patient is being used as a door

mat. V had a rough idea on what I was doing, she was not sure but she suspected like any other girlfriend would.
The debts, the money that investors gave me, I let it lie in the bank account and used it to pay for pilot classes. I wanted to be flying my own planes like B’s father. I put some of the money aside deliberately so that I could learn French the most expensive way I knew how. Take a trip to France. The more recklessly I spent the money investors entrusted me with, the more I took a risk. A bad risk. Cause at times the investors called.
“I want my money back with the profit it has made…”
And I would take money deposited by the new investors and pay the old investors, just like B’s father had advised me to do. I would not only return the money, but I would return it with fictitious profits, because that was the only way that the same investors would bring in bacj the money,
I felt I was not totally bad like B’s father was cause B’s father suggested I do that trick without a business at all. At least I sometimes actually spent the money expanding my Limuru business, but I knew if something went down and I lost that business before it expanded properly. A lot of families would go hungry a lot of people would lose jobs and a lot of people would feel lied to by my actions, for what? Greed? Okay greed is good but excessive is not. Besides V told me even though I was ambitious, too much ambition corrupts. But V did not get it not everyone can be ambitious about doing good to the less fortunate as well as try to make everyone laugh or happy. Some people like me have to be a little bad so that we can provide the money that V needs to be good and help others. V did not understand that everything was a risk.
But sometimes I felt like V did not know what she was doing, all the kindness she had was actually working against her. If once in a while V refused to meet me for lunch like B refused unless it was a big hotel serving fancy overpriced food. If V did not pull her skirt up for me as fast as she did cause she saw me suffering horny maybe I would have treated her better. Her kindness worked against her, V did not understand that life was a risk, all the decision were risks, she was just kind twenty four seven. And it is her kindness that made me take B to the places I took her, if V wore short dresses, it would have been V’s open thighs I was holding on our flight back to Nairobi.
It would have been V I would be thinking about.
“you know my ex used to take me to this place and that…” “You know my exs kitchen has this and that…”
“My ex has a bigger fridge…”
That’s how B kept talking. Until I was intimidated, until it was engrained in my mind that for me to have B, I would have to go the extra mile to show her I loved her, it was a risk B took, cause she would have scared me off, I had not kissed her yet. But now that time has passed I realized why V is the happiest of us all. No matter where V is, no matter with who V is, she is always kind, for that’s who she is. B and I on the other hand are unhappy because we keep on changing ourselves to suit people, when B and I meet a person who has goodness, we are good to them, when B and I meet a person who is impatient, we are

impatient towards them. At the end of the day we become tired. When B realized this, she decided to be bad. No matter who she is with, she will slut around, she will lie, she will embezzle like her father.
I was still not making a decision. Whether to stop using the investors’ money to sustain my lifestyle. I was simply not thinking about it. so when it suited the situation I invested the investors money in the Limuru business, when it did not I used the money wrongly to sustain my lifestyle. The problem would be, what would happen when I was in complete debt considering I was spending five times more than I was earning. Would the situation force me to be completely bad by misappropriating completely and total all the investors’ money in paying my debts. The only decision I made, was I was ready to take the risk of approaching new investors every day no matter what. How I was going to spend their money was the issue… (to be continued…)

Too good for him?

26 Jan

(…continuation) If there is something I have learnt about business and love is, no matter what you would do, look for power. And the easiest way to look for power is to never allow yourself to be in a position where you are more desperate than powerful, ideally it is a lesson that one should learn once, and never have to learn again after repeating the same mistake again. But I simply could not help myself.
Is it I who made the mistake or it was nature? The honest truth is that we were never created the same, if you want to hide inside the blanket reading this, please do so, and if you want to cry know that you are not crying alone. That time I started talking to B, it was out of the blue, I wanted her to notice me. she was hot, and to be honest I think she was way out of my league. Have you ever had a crazy crush on someone who you know very well was way out of your league. I mean if she fell in love with you you would know it was because she was settling for less than she deserved. V would call that humility, I would call it a bargain in social status, I am not sure if V is the one who is right or it is I in my description, because to V every one is beautiful.
But to think about it frankly, there are women like B if they decided to get married they would have thousands of men to choose from. There are also other women, who would take the first guy to ask them to marry. I mean, we are not created the same, I think, and the day I forgot my place, is the day I because desperate.
I decided to let my crush for B grow those days. Every time I made myself bump into her. “Hi”
“Hi”
And after the Hi’s I decided to go a step further and ask for her number. Even in movies when the hot girl falls in love with the poor guy, the poor guy is always handsome. You know what I mean. The reality was that B was out of my league and I do not know why I kept on trying and trying. I was just setting myself for disappointment.
“Can we have coffee?”
She would ignore. Then sometimes she would reply. If she set a date with me it would because I was persistent. At some point I thought what she wanted to do was just say No to me but she was saying it in an indirect way. I knew from the very start that I was not good enough for her. Just like sometimes you know the person you want to ask for coffee or you want him to ask you

for coffee is way out of your league. But let us lie to ourselves, let us say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Let us say that there are no better people than ourselves. I blame myself for having a crush on B and trying too hard to get her.
“Why will you not come in?”
She was standing at my door. I mean she came all the way to my house and decided she was not going to come in. I did not even try to hug her. She did not hug me. I could smell her perfume, I could see the strap of her bra.
“I cannot come in, I have to go, you lied to me…” “Then lets get in an discuss it…”
I felt like a girl feels, was there something wrong with my face? Was there something wrong with my body, was I so unappealing that B could not enter my house. That she would come all the way and stand at my door and refuse to come in? I couldn’t believe it when she actually walked away and left. That night I kept thinking maybe she would come back but she did not.
I became desperate for her. I kept texting her, calling her, asking her out, I knew she was way out of my league. Ir member those days when I started to get to know B it was only one time that she actually really lightened up when she saw me. I was wearing a three piece suit and a black tie. I bet she was so wet she had to walk with her legs together. Or else it will all drip on the dloor and show.
I remember when B said yes to ask hooking up she would always cancel. One tome she would tell me.
“We are doing a family thing… sorry I forgot…” Another time she would tell me
‘”I am sorry I did not have airtime to call you.”
And I would find her walking with some guy as she explained this. There was I time I just ignored B, when she was explaining I started talking to some other girl. A girl who was half as pretty as B, basically, a girl who was V.
It took quite a while before I forgot about B completely; it took me a lot of effort to get B out of my mind. I literally had to kill all my thoughts of her. But what I did is that I started thinking of a girl like V. I started thinking of V. I felt V was more in my league. Maybe this was my place in life, instead of struggling to be with someone that was too hot for me I should settle, besides, it was beauty, it was just social circle, it was just status, who really needs all those things when we will all die one day and we would have the same number of people coming to our funeral. Why

should I suffer trying to date B when I could have a girl like V? One I could bang today cause she likes me the way that I am.
Instead of going round the country with a girl like B only for her to call me and tell me, “I really loved the shoes and the dress you sent me… “
“They fit well.”
“yes.”
But never will she come to see me, hug me, kiss me, pick my calls. It was because of girls like B that I started becoming what I became. I wanted to be president so that one day they will see me and remember the same way B thought I was nothing, is the same way I would show her she was nothing.
Turns out I was wrong about everything; B had loved me from the start. She was not ignoring me cause she thought she was out of my league, she was actually ignoring me cause she thought I was out of her league and I was just pretending I had a crush on her to embarrass her. But then again, thinking about it, I remember all those women I lied to I loved then at the last minute refused to kiss since I thought they were embarrassing to be seen with.(to be continued…)

The last real angel left

26 Jan

(…continuation) I was dating V and I loved her because she was a loving person. I mean she forgave me for all the bad things I had done. I mean V was a genuinely loving person. She did not so much look at things from a point of self interest like everyone does, she always looked at things from another persons interest. She is the kind of person who if you started to take advantage of she would let you. There was a time she actually took the blame for people.
“Why did you steal this?”
“Am sorry, I will not do it again. It will not happen again.”
And you would wonder how V would have gotten herself into such a mix. V has never stolen anything, the only thing she ever stole was people’s hearts. V is a rare girl, in fact, she is more rare than diamond. If you knew V like I know V, you would know exactly what I mean. Like that day she was apologizing for stealing. It was her friend who stole from some clothing store. When her friend was caught, V took the blame. Can you imagine?
And V got into trouble, and her friends kept on using her like that, V was in trouble so many times I had started restricting her from contact with anybody who claimed to be her friend. She got used so much by her friends that there was a time her friends started sending her so that she dumps their boyfriend. I mean, who does that.
“Have you gone yet…”
“Am getting ready then I go, sorry ive taken so long.” She would hang up.
“Where are you going?”
“My friend needs me.”
“to do what? To dump their boyfriend…”
And every time V got used by her friend I got mad. When I stopped it V tried to find a way to still get into trouble cause of her friends. She generally loved people more than herself. I did all manner of things to V and she still stayed. And she was happy even in her mistreatment, iots like she had an inner joy though she cried a lot. She told me there was no way a person would be sad when she helped another human being. I never understood that, I was on the fast lane of stealing through fraud from families that had worked hard to earn a living.
“tell them, come ojn, don’t be a door mat.”

But V wouldn’t. she did not wamt to start a fight with anyone, even i. she was a peace loving person. Not that she was stupid, but she knew what she was doing. She was patient enough to wait for people to come around. She never repaid anyone for the bad that they did to her. V was nothing I could understand, but just like anyone who knows how she is consistent on being a nice person. It reaches a point when you just love her and you become the worst person to anyone who wants to hurt V.
It’s funny cause, B was my type. I mean have you seen B’s body. Its like she really ate from when she was small, she is heavy, not too much, just a little in the right places, she has a full smile, full cheeks, she is easy and very good in bed. I mean B could just lie there and let you do whatever you wanted to her and you would enjoy. She had things you could touch when doing her. You could pull her dress like that, you could pull her thong like this, she was heavy, she was very African, you could completely do anything to her and she could handle it. Then her beauty, she was more beautiful than V ten times over. And she was not afraid to take those nude photos. I mean, she would be sending you twerking videos over here, but then again, you would also find them in another person’s phone. She had nude photos every time, just ready to be sent sometimes you wonder if she really took them for you. Some were taken during the day and you only asked for them at night. But then what would you do. You were already horny, no blood in the head, all of it was down stairs.
She wore the shortest of dresses. She wore tights transparent with no underwear under. And when she wore underwear you could see it. the fact that she drove in her own car made her wear heels longer than your dic and clothes skimpier than swimming clothes. Sometimes you would feel she was not for you but was public property, she was for the world sand you never had her. So when I had B I did what I do when a girl like B seems interested in me. I get into debt making her happy, I start under performing at work to entertain her, I find ways to pay her, I ask her to go take my car for servicing and deposit more than the servicing charges in her account. That way she would not refuse, or feel like a slut. It would seem vulgar, I could take my car for servicing but then what excuse would I have to pay her. I start trying to pay her bills, it just ruins me. dating a girl like B, and I dated B for a while, she got me into such mess, her beauty got me into the mess that caused me to get demoted, get fired, almost fired, her beauty is what made me mess myself so much financially that I had to get a side business. Even though B is the most beautiful girl in the world with her lips, hips and other features, her kind of beauty is the one that ruins men like me.
That’s why I left B for V. because V might not be as beautiful as B, but she is wife material. I remember after hanging out with B who tried to convince me to cut corners and start a fake Ngo with her. Her idea was that we get one that has a similar name to another NGO and ask donor to give us funds for helping the hungry. You know the food situation in the arid lands. B was ready with the full plan, she told me that what we would do with the Naivasha business is to start an NGO associated with it. this NGO would give us the necessary funding which we would use for our personal use. We would have a similar name to another Ngo save for the spelling, make B and I the directors, award ourselves big cars, big salaries negotiate with the government to get immunity since we were an Ngo and also avoid paying taxes, instead of my begging for money from people. That was the kind of girl B was, she would let others go hungry just like her father, steal food just to live a better life, carry a better bag.
“there are other ways of making
money.” S kept on reminding me.

“Even if you had all the money in the world, even if you had a boat like B’s father, would you feel happy about those things knowing that the reason we have insecurity in this country is because of you… because you somehow used the money that was meant to be used to buy police cars and what not… feed the hungry… is it worth it to know you are the direct cause of all the problems people have… its not about being good it’s about being smart, plus you will get caught you know…”
The rational thing was to be like V, to continue doing business like I should, it was already doing reasonably well. The other option was to follow S advice, she is hardly ever wrong, she is a smart girl and what she had told me is that if I followed B’s father path I would lose everything literally or out of guilt. But B should be a life, a life that was a kings, wealth beyond human comprehension. And it was not just that that was empting about B, I steal dreamed of bedding her. She was completely my type but rotten on the inside anyway. (to be continued…)

Sustaining the Lifestyle

26 Jan

(…continuation) it was actually crazy. I mean ever single month I spent three times to five times what I earned. I kept on getting myself deeper and debt. And every month, I would convince myself why I had to spend more and more. There was this month for example, there were some about ten investors that had wanted to withdraw their biannual cheques in investments in my Limuru business and I couldn’t possibly withstand such a financial blow. That would literally slow down my expansion plans.
“Send the email…”
I told my personal assistant, who worked from 8am to 5pm in my living room or dining area since I was already employed at work and couldn’t possibly find an excuse to have a personal assistance in my bosses work place. What email had I asked my personal assistance to forward, the email she was hesitant on sending.
“are you sure you want me to send it?” “Yes, send it!”
She knew the financial implications of inviting about ten people and their wives some would come with their children for lunch at Hilton. But that was how I was going to bribe them to keep on sending thee cheques for my business. That is how I had planned to win their loyalty back cause that list composed of people who had kind of stopped giving me money. and I can tell you they were excited.
V my girlfriend being the angel she is knew what I was doing. She supported me even though she knew I was doing the wrong thing. I was again living this fancy exaggerated life, yet my lifestyle was more glamorous than my income, I kept telling myself I will earn more moment come next month but even though I earned it was never enough. B my ex was however always ready to lend me some of her father money and I had a feeling I will pay it one day with my freedom or blood.
There I was, ready with my pamphlets, we were in bed with V. V was the one who was being supportive, more supportive than a belt on a big trouser.
“No, that’s not his name and that’s not where his kids go to school…”
What we were doing was researching about all the investors going to attend the lunch at Hilton. I had to know their names, I had to know their business, I needed to know where their kids went to school. I needed to make them feel like we were friends. I needed to guilt trip them on their refusing to give me cheques.
We spent almost the whole night cramming names, practicing small talk. Cause we live in a time where papers mean less and small talk means more, maybe because everyone has papers but they don’t know how to charm.

“you will do well my love, I promise. I have prayed for you, you just needed to be more patient, by the way I don’t think this lunch is necessary, how are we going to fund it… but baby I will support you in whatever I do.”
Well, she had put it so delicately, so delicately that I did not get offended. I knew how ii was going to fund it. but I loved that life, lunches at Hilton and what not. So it did not matter.
The bill was heavy. We dined down stairs, everyone came, we did buffet in the Travelers restaurant down stairs, the one with the fancy gold display everywhere. The warm lighting and the opulence atmosphere, I worked the crowd. At some moment I sat next to everyone. I threw a compliment here and there.
“Ive been seeing your business featured on the paper, you must feel good having employed so many people and provided a salary for breadwinners of those families…”
And I would try make them laugh a little too….
“These forks… they are so many, I don’t know which to use for dessert, for the main food… I just pick whichever…”
I would tell them how one day I sat for about half an hour pretending to be on a fake phone call cause the waiter was staring at me, in my mind the waiter wanted to see what forks I would use. When the waiter left for about five minutes, I ate all the food at once. She came back to find me on another fake phone call. I mean the phone rang while on my ear.
And once we touched base like that I would move to the next guy. I talked to the husbands, V talked to the wives. B my ex would have talked to the husbands, and I would talk to the wives, only problem was that B my ex would use sex. Besides she slept with the manager in the Naivasha business. V was an angel, she wouldn’t even flirt with men who invested in my business.
That was the routine, I went to Eka, there is a bar right at the entrance, we had drinks and made small talk and I would try to tell the investors of what they would get if they did business with me and kept the cheques coming. But as times passed, and I did Ole Sereni the terrace overlooking the park, when I did Sankara for breakfast, when I took investors to Great Rift Valley, drove them around in the golf small cars, when I took them to Merica, took them to Bontana, I started learning something… do not try to develop a business relationship with investors that were trying to quit investing. In fact just tell them stories, make them laugh appeal to their emotions, be their friends. Don’t promise them anything much but just have fun and then on the third meeting, ask them for a cheque. That often worked better, but I kept on learning and relearning, but that seemed to work the best. Problem is, I was spending about five times what I was earning each month.
B’s father had different ideas on how should get clients. He actually called me one day and told me to call about three of the investors.
“We are going to take them to Trattoria.”
That’s where we had lunch. When the investors saw B’s father their face lit up. B’s father introduced me as his son-in-law. B’s father was helping me thinking I was still dating her daughter.

“You will earn 50% or even 150% in six months…”
That’s what he told the investors I had brought. There was no way my Limuru business would give such returns on investments. So when B’s father and I met in the washroom.
“Sir, there is no way my business is going to make that much money…”
B’s father was using the urinal. So I gave him space like any person would give an older man space when using the loo.
“Then how am I going to pay them… how am going to make good of the promise you just made this people?”
“You are going to pay them with money other investors bring…”
Basically, fraud.
“Let go to Naivasha gentlemen, you need to see the outfit my son-in-law has…”
Now that was spontaneous of B’s father. He had a Mercedes Benz that drove ahead and he followed it with a Range Rover, before the Mercedes was an ambulance which had no one inside it but a siren and the driver. That’s how we got through traffic to Wilson Airport.
Yes, B’s father was the one who flew. He has taken piloting lessons. He has a private flying license or something. And I can tell you those investors watching him fly. They were ready to give all their money to B’s father to invest in. Plus there were some five women who joined us. Ready women, for B’s father and the investors, I did not touch any of them. We were in the Naivasha farm, we showed the investors around.
“He has a similar outfit in Limuru, that’s where your money will be going. The investors seemed to listen to B’s father more.”
When we were back in Nairobi, when the investors had left, I asked him. “Its because you have reputation, that’s why you are convincing…”
B’s father touched my shirt collar and pulled it.
“White or blue shirt…”
Do you see any powerful men dressing like you? Are you trying to be a model or a business man? dress down! be plain, dress like moneyed people, how will a person entrust you with their millions if you look like a Christmas tree.
I went to meet S after that. I told him what B’s father had suggested.

“it’s a little too late you know, you just have to be smart about it, from the look of things you are turning more and more into B’s father… you are already using the investors money to buy lunches instead of actually investing it… soon you will be using Peter to pay Paul…”
I choose not to hear that. I was investing some of the investors’ money, even though I was buying them lunches. Was S crazy, I had to maintain a lifestyle, what did she want me to do, take them to kenchic buy them fish and chips, I might as well just sell my car and buy a mkokoteni and carry the investors in the mkokoteni in order to save and invest all their monies.
“And what do you think about my dressing…”
“You look great, that works for you… you want to change that too? You want to look like B’s father?”
Did I ever tell you S is a genius? Sometimes when you are given advice to change you find it hard to change or even take the advice. S looked at it in a different way.
“How about you meet B’s father half way?”
“What do you mean?”
“…at least three days in the week dress fancy like you always do, with the glamour that I love…” “okay…”
“Then the remaining four days be plain like B’s father.”
I was spending more and more than what I was earning. I was already becoming more like B’s father and less like V the angel. I was not admitting I was misappropriating the investors’ money but that’s what I was doing slowly. It was only a matter of time when I would completely stop investing in the Limuru business but just use one investor’s money to pay another. Basically, fraud, outright stealing. B’s father was the only strong role model. I wondered whether talking to V about all these would make me look at it differently. I would realize that people trusted me with their money, families were sacrificing to invest in my business, I shouldn’t lie to them. I secretly wanted V to intervene. I wanted her to make me stop spending more than I was earning. If she did… then she would be more than a good girlfriend to me. (to be continued…)

Role Models

26 Jan

(…continuation) Sometimes I park my car at Sarova Stanley, they are the only hotel in the CBD with a proper Valet. Have you seen their car port, the big brown flower pots holding

what looks like trees? Have you seen that entrance, the wall lighting on the pillars, B’s father’s house looks like that, only more grand, it has chandeliers the size of Weston, it has roof top fire places like Bestwestern, every time I have gone to B’s father’s house to see B my ex. I would drive in, there would be a valet, I mean there is someone in a red blazer, whose work is to open for you the door, then say…

“Welcome to B’s father’s Residence, may I have your car keys Sir”

He would then take your car, park it somewhere, have it cleaned and when you walked out you would call for your car through the house help, you will find the engine running. If its in the morning, the car would already be warmed up by the air con, if it was hot, it would be cooled by the same Valet. That is how B’s farther lived. You thought the wealthy people were wealthy until you went to B’s father’s house. I remember the first time B and I went to her father’s house. I did not even know who a valet was, okay, in hotels I knew, but a home Valet.

“I will park my car… Can you believe your ass hole watch man wanted to drive my car…”

B just looked at me and laughed. He thought I was being funny. I was genuinely complaining. She thought I was trying to make her laugh. Until she realized I was serious.

“His job is to welcome you to the residence and park the car… he is our valet, weve had him since we were kids.”

I was like oh my goodness. I need this in my life. I mean, I want to get into a car that is already warmed. I am too rich to disturb my muscles switching on the air conditioner. But I would not be able to do that. Cause I park my car sometimes at places in town where I do not need to pay parking. I go to a hotel, park it, then buy a coffee, the cheapest and they allow me to leave it there the whole day instead of paying parking fees, or park at the country club members club just to avoid those fees.

Anyways, as usual, I had parked in one of the Private clubs and was walking through town to my office. I just got horny. I mean, the women in town. My goodness, they really try. What happened to wearing lose clothes? When did we get this sexual? I mean the extent fashion has gone to display ass, even the fat women with no figures look like a fanta bottle, the transparent shirts with the pink bras that go with pink lip stick and pink nail polish, the black skirt, the black tights, the white shirts and the trench coats, the heels, the well done hair. Even the shady ones, with the ass, the hips, I love the heavy ones. Beautiful beautiful, its as if over the years, I have started walking slower and slower in town, our little New York in Africa, better in that all our women have apple bottoms, and most have breast big enough to feed their children with milk enough for them to swim in the milk like a swimming pool. I keep walking slower, keep getting more tempted as the skirts grow shorter and the skirts show more. You almost want them all… but I just watch, you would think I would smile at them as we cross paths, but those are not the people I smile at. I smile at men.

I smile at men in the hotel, that’s where I hang out. My business is to collect business cards. What I should be doing with the many women in the streets I do with men in hotels. I walk to big hotels, promising myself, if I see any big shot standing idly waiting for someone I should walk up to them and say Hi. Pick up line would be a compliment like…

“You look like someone famous…”

And hope that the conversation would kick it off from there. Until a point they gave me their card and promised me a cheque to invest in my Limuru business. I had set a goal, every day I should have at least one new investor, even when business is doing good, even when business is doing bad, every day I needed a new investor. That was my strategy. But I tried to think hard, with my shy eyes, where would I find them. The only system that worked well was the one my personal assistant had invented.

She worked from downstairs in my house. she came every morning. Sat on the dining table at my house, she replied to all my emails and looked for investors online. Served me breakfast sometimes, worked all days in a week. But then I needed more capital to expand, I needed more investors. sometimes when they had a big conference in a hotel I would walk into the conference hall uninvited, if anyone noticed I gate crushed I would just excuse myself saying…

“I am lost.”

I made sure I scanned through the room really fast and looked or an empty seat near someone who looked important or had money. Mostly men, hardly women, cause women would think you were hitting on them. Most times I sat next to them and spent about one hour thinking of how to break the ice and talk about my business before asking them for cheques. The good thing about sitting next to someone it would not be creepy, like finding someone standing and talking to them like a stranger would, I learnt the best way to get investors this way was that immediately five seconds on sitting next to them, ask them for their contact and explain your business. If you wait you will over think it and freak out.

I was on a roll for about three months using this system, I was getting enough cheques to expand my Limuru business. But I needed more, besides half of the people I got contacts from did not give me cheques, but the other half gave me. one day as I was doing my routine of gate crushing events and asking for business. I got an unexpected comment.

“Young man, you have already told me about your business.”

And he looked like he had an ugly expression on his face. I looked straight on at the speaker in that event. I did not even know what he was talking about, but I couldn’t move could i. I had to seat next to that guy. I wore my ear phones and wore my shades in that conference room. This guy kept staring at me. I was trying to go back to even with loud music and hiding my shame. That was the last tinme I tried to look for investors that way. But that system worked. I did not know when I would have the strength to try again. Finding success can be hard, but there are others that have found it easily.

At the moment when I was completely ashamed and rejected, it gets to you, such small comments such as…

“Stop boring me with your Limuru business bla blaa blaa. This is a social event, come on!”

Such comments get to you. I know its business but it becomes personal. And when you try do things the right way which is usually harder, and you get discouraged, instantly an opportunity to do things the wrong way appears.

“What you need to do is get people to come to you…” “How do I do that?”

B’s father advised me to stop driving the trash I was driving. He suggested I should drive the Range Rover Sports of that time which is the Mercedes of today. He told me I needed to have the look, have the power car, walk with an entourage, seem unapproachable, hang out with rich people only, be mysterious like he was, then lie to people, promise them returns on their investments of fifty percent. The catch would be the first ten people that invest in my business, I pay them with the twenty next people money that invest in my business. I mean you give me all your money to invest, I ask your friend to invest a month later, I okay you with your friend’s money, never using the money or my Limuru business. Generally fraud. He told me promising people a return on their investment five years or two years later would leave me begging for investors. lie to people B’s father advised. He promised he would show me how and to be honest at that time, after ebbing told

“Stop boring me with your Limuru business bla blaa blaa. This is a social event, come on!”

I was thinking about it. But my girlfriend V would leave me if she found out I was thinking about defrauding innocent Kenyans.V was such an angel she used to take breakfast to the guards at the estate every morning. She also used to cook some extra ugali for them once in a while after making me something else. When such a girl learns that her boyfriend is buying new suits like the ones B’s father wears in order to sell an illusion of an investment genius only to rob innocent families of their sacrifices for investment wouldn’t she leave me? S was the smartest girl I knew, she advised me, not to lose hope, if I wanted to make money fast what I should do is to start legitimate business cash cows and sell them, start and sell, instead of waiting for them to grow. But S was smart, she was successful but not like B’s father. I know there are some people who have made it in life using the right route, but just like most people, the only role model I had of success was B’s father. B’s father who made money the dirty way. I was trying to make money the right way, bust I had no role models to follow in their footsteps, so every time the temptation was to look for B’s father footsteps in the sand, when I got discouraged from charting my own path. Do you feel like that sometimes, like you have no true good role model? (to be continued…)

Fruits

23 Jan

(…continuation) Every morning, the alarm goes off too early. I feel like I have not gotten enough sleep. Two hours before the alarm went off, I woke up, I refreshed my social media feeds, checked for updates that I commended on, checked for direct messages I wanted replied which hadn’t gotten replied too. And I almost cried over the number of notifications

I hoped to get but did not get on the photos I uploaded. I missed V. I thought about B. I wanted to be as smart as S, as rich as B’s father and an angel like V. So I did what everyone does, I bargained with myself, a little more sleep today tomorrow and the day after, and my hopes to be as rich as B’s father, to be as smart as S and an angel like V would be only a dream.
So I tried excite myself like I always did those days. I looked for the music system remote in my bed. When I found it I switched it on and immediately started pressing the volume button downwards. I don’t know why I am afraid of the radio going on loud. After the radio is on, in my boxers and vest with my gown on. I started pressing the volume button upwards, until the music feels the room, a little Homeboys music. I don’t want to hear rock, I want to hear rap music like Drakes, J-Cole some feel good music… to feel my heart. To motivate me, cause unless I dream about being as rich as B’s father, as smart as S, such an angel as V, then my life is dull.

Success, success, I craved success in all ways, I wanted a successful relationship. I wanted love like Romeo and Juliet, I wanted to be as successful as Jay-z and V would be my Beyounce, maybe we would have a Blue-ivy and she would have crazy hair like she does. I wanted to be powerful like Obama, I want V to be first lady like Michelle, but I did not want to be famous like that. I wanted to be like electricity, I have all the power but people do not know where the electricity is from. But I was sleepy, the alarm would go off and I would want it to give me some more time awake.
The music help, it motivated a bit, the hot shower too, I had to find little things to get excited about until I was in the car, through jam up to my office desk. I motivated myself with dreams of V and I being a power couple, then when that was not motivation enough I forced myself to imagine myself at fifty and driving a car a twenty year old does. Kids who went to useless schools with washrooms without aircons and libraries without carpets, and that is what made me get out of bed. Then I would try to excite myself with some music, some hip hop but not the hardcore rap cause that’s vulgar, there is no art in such crime. Some feel good we gona buy Benzes Roll Royses and buy for our women Ranges and Convertibles. Then the hot water in the bathroom, then the breakfast beacons and sausages, dream of the little things, so that you can get out of bed and chase the big things. Chase being an angel like V is, chase being as rich as B’s father, chase being as smart as S, cause those who make it. They are street and book smart like S is.

The worst part of the day was in the afternoon, when I would have to walk out of the office and meet investors for my Limuru farm. It was my cash cow for the time, it was what was going to put a real diamond ring on V my girlfriend’s figure. Repay B for all the money she ever lent me, and S, oh S, S was the reason I had the Limuru farm in the first place. She was smart enough to realize that I would not be able to sustain myself with the income from my job. She had realized that for me to sustain my lifestyle I needed some additional income every month. As the Limuru business as rightfully as S put it was able to pay for the horses, a hopeless hobby of mine, the fine dining, the golf, the squash, all the madness.

Then there were the nights, the hardest were the ones that V was not around. She was at some time doing exams and I had to spend most nights alone. I wanted to call her, just let her know I was not going to manage sleeping alone. But I felt it would be selfish, because if she came over I would be playing with all parts of her body until she got the D and another D in the morning for failing her exams.
It was a struggle, it was a real struggle, cause nights like that were the nights you went through your phone book, sending messages to random women in your phone book, getting replies back being called by people fiancées, the women you once fucked are now married, about to get married, you thought they would wait for yout forever. They will not.

Love, you start to wonder is the person you are dating going to be enough. Is v going to be enough, remember she might be as sweet as candy but S got ass like a socialite, B got a face like a news anchor, B has cool friend like princesses and princes, I mean politician kids and business moguls. What does V bring, she is an angel, she could be a good wife, she is supportive, but is that going to be enough for forever, is it?

And I wondered, if every plan I had for my life got screwed. My dreams of marrying a girl that will be more eager to buy the kid diapers than buy herself thongs, I wondered, is it going to be enough, is V really going to satisfy me while women are becoming prettier and prettier every day. Realizing that hips, lips, winks matter so much and showing this off better and better everyday? Shortter skirts, stretchy fabric skirts, so you see the exact bumps on her bump, red lips, perfect make-up, you want them all, you love V, you think about B, you want to be like S.

Actually what the situation was at that time. If I could marry V, S and B, I would have no worries in the world if I had all of them. B’s father would completely teach me how to make money, enough to buy half of the stuff in this countries capital. Then V would be an angel, and you know its vital to be an angel because when life is over, you have to go to some place for eternity. Then S, S was smart, smart enough to realize that all this things I have mentioned I have to some extent. I have some money, I have V as my girlfriend, B as my ex, S as my one-day-we-will have a one night stand. I have the Limuru business.

So everyday, I get to bed, set my alarm clock to wake me up in the morning, I remember all the things that I want to be as rich as B, to marry an angel and be an angel like V is, to be as smart as S so that I realize I part have success in my relationship, in the bank, in the lifestyle I lead, I should enjoy it, make sure I enjoy it even as I grave for more. Cause the grass is greener on the other side, the grass is also greener where you water it. You hunger for success not to much to forget to enjoy todays success which was from yesterdays work. You hunger for success just enough to better your lifestyle and also enjoy the success you’ve gotten now. (Continuation…)

Try New things, but not too much

11 Jan

(…continuation) the easiest way to get sleep when you have insomnia is to have V around. You know V by now, my beautiful girlfriend. I had a very important meeting that Monday. On Sunday night I had laid clothes aside for that Monday. There was no way I was going to tell V why Monday was going to be an important day. What would be the best way to tell your girlfriend that you and your ex where going to become lifetime partners in a business? There was no way I was going to tell V that on Monday I was going to meet B’s father and B, where we would decided on how to share the Naivasha business. But like all women have sixth sense, V noticed the preparation I put in selecting the perfect tie to go with my favorite shirt, I could tell that V already suspected something like every girl would.

One in the morning, no sleep, tried to spoon with V in bed, one thirty in the morning. I still could not sleep. Two in the morning, I had not yet slept, I started to panic. I took a glass of milk, water everything, tried to think boring thoughts. Insomnia was as real as sitting next to a person who smelled of sweat. You think you would get used to it but you cant. That’s when I remembered what really gets me to sleep fast, I tapped V shoulder.

“Babe…”

“Bae…”

When she woke up and felt me hard. she automatically knew what would go on. No foreplay, like a good wife she turned. And I was on top of her like cream on milk. I sank my coke inside her, up and down, up and down until it had shaken enough. You know what happens when a coke soda is opened after it has been shaken. I poured and poured, then slept and slept until 6am when it was time to wake up for the big meeting between B and B’s father. After waking up my alarm, V prepared for me breakfast.

I had been to B’s fathers office, the breakfast there is like a kings breakfast, they have a chef in the office, he makes swiss rolls, he serves a variety of like twenty small beautifully and differently shaped bread, the coffees are different, the pastries, the fruits are clean neat, the juice is tastier than all others, beacon, sausages the whole works and a bit more. V thought I was going to the office, I would not let her suspect otherwise. I had to take V’s breakfast. So after taking a shower, V lying on my bed watching that morning show on NTV that has too much woman, I started taking bites. I took a bite of the bread after I wore my trouser. I rushed to the kitchen and spit the food in a paper bag. I went back to my room, wore my shirt, took a bite of V’s breakfast, ran to the kitchen and spit it out in a paper back. Tie, kitchen, belt, kitchen, watch kitchen, comb hair, rush to the kitchen until the breakfast V served me was over.

When I was leaving the house with the paper bag of food spit out, V came to hug me and kiss me,

“Why are you so stiff?”

“Am not stiff…”

I tried to kiss V better.

“What is in the paper bag?”

That’s the question I dreaded. How would I explain that? That I didn’t want to take V’s food cause I wanted to have space to have breakfast with my ex B. I had to think fast. So I dropped the paper bag and my coat. Then chased V around the house playfully spanking her.

“Kwani wewe umekuwa polisi sasa”

She laughed jumping on chairs and what not. Then I left promised myself to throw the paper bag when I get to a dustbin. There was no way I would throw it in the house. I am sure V would not go through my trash. But having dated B, B who used to go through my trash, check the receipts in my pocket, how many coffees, go though my phone I had become paranoid, which is pretty pointless cause V’s love was kind, patient, V did not want, she just gave expecting nothing back.

We were in the conference room in B’s fathers office. Massive conference room, the one you would want to have twenty years from now. Large glass table with fifteen big leather chairs on one side, fifteen on the other side, all black, the chair at the center was the brown one. That must be the bosses seat, B’s father’s seat. I was the earliest to the meeting, the chef came with his hat and gave me the office menu. I mean, B’s father’s office chef had a menu for the office, a menu that was more creative and extensive than any other menu. There was a special menu for holidays too. I ordered food, I ordered breakfast, stuff and stuff, stuffed my stomach until I was full.

“I will have just and apple…”

That’s what B ordered. Half a red and half green apple.

“I will have black coffee…”

That’s what B’s father ordered. Clearly they should give me that chef cause they did not know how to use him. I wanted poached eggs, cake with creams, toasted breads, blended juices, juice from an actual mango!

“So, did you agree to share the business with my daughter 60:40?”

“I was thinking more of 30:70 since i…”

B’s father interrupted me.

“That’s okay.”

B was seated on the brown leather seat, the biggest one playing on her phone, I think she was playing candy crush. B’s father was seated on the other black seats, I guess that’s how it works, the real boss is the bosses daughter.

“Good, sign here.”

I signed my part. B took out her earphones eventually after being asked the millionth time to remove her ear phones. She picked her fatrher pen from the pocket and I noticed she did not return it. I was happy that I had gotten 70 percent of the business, technically it was all mine but B’s father had funded it 90%, I was happy that I was not going to pay back the money he lent me. anyways, how bad would it be to work with B. Easy, like B was to take to bed, easy!

“So B what are you plans with the Naivasha farm?”

“We give it a make over, completely change it to earn more money from it?

It was my turn to answer the same question.

“I| want us to do what we have been doing because it has worked. Keep the crops that are growing and giving us profit… but I was also thinking that maybe we could try sell the plants as a whole to other farmers cause that might be more profitable. We will wait for the plants to mature and spread their seeds, then sell the plants as a whole…”

“I support that idea…”

It was nice that B’s father supported my idea.

“So what do you mean exactly?”

“Do 90% things the way we have been doing them, experiment with 10% of the shamba crops…”

But at the end of the day, it was no longer for B’s father to decide. It was B’s and my decision. As we walked out of the office B and I argued, B wanted to change everything, I wanted to cjust change a small percentage and continue doing what worked. I tried to convince B to obey her father, at least respect him even if we both knew he was trash. But B is a very convincing girl. We decided we would race to determine who’s plan would work. we were to settle vital business decisions in a car race.

“I am going to pick V first and drop her in school…”

“Okay, pick her up then lets race to her school.”

Once V was in the car. The race begun. I was ahead, every time I hit a bumb, I would really slow down and B’s car would catch up with me. but B was a girl, she was those girls who drove fast but I drove faster.

“Are you racing with that car?”

“Yes.”

V supported me. she was not very happy about it but asked me to be careful. She wore her seat belt. Very fast, corners. The problem was, when you drive at a certain speed you start to realize that most roads are nnot straight. Even the straight ones have bumps. B’s father had all the money in the world so B did not care about spoiling her car with an accident here and there. She was more reckless, overlapping, hitting bumps without breaking, I can say that’s why she overtook me at the last bump. Not that B is a faster driver than I was. But even after B worn and I had dropped V at her school, there was no way we were going with B plan of doing a complete make over of the business. There were some things we did well, I felt that we should continue those things and do a little make up every once in a while.

That day while at the office I never could concentrate. I was furious that B was not siding with my plans. It was the first day of our partnership and we already had disagreements.

I waited for lunch time.

I went to see S, S was the smartest woman I knew. Her brain was like a razor blade, then she was hot, so hot that that razor blade would cut through metal when it wanted to and when it did not melt it. S wanted to do a make over too, the last time I walked to her. She wanted to be more casual because she had started her own Think Tank firm.

“I want to start going to the super market with pajamas”

S wanted to be that extreme. That’s the extent she wanted to do her make over. You know those women who are so hot they can pull off wearing pajamas out of the house. then those women who should dress up.

“I think I prefer your idea more…. If you are already doing well, do not change the business structure too much, just change 10% of it because that’s how you try new things and maybe you will find a better way of doing business.”

I looked at her. In her white plain shirt, her suit black stripped coat, her very light blue jeans, he full ass and hips, perfect figure. Red high heels, red lips, she really had toned down from her very official look. She had done, 10% experimentation with the blue jeans, and kept the rest 90%. That was what I needed to do with my business in Naivasha, change 10% as experiment, leave 90% running as it, because a business cannot be 100% a lab, it has to be 90% production and 10% a lab.

B’s father had said it, S who was older than me had supported the idea, I was listening to my elders, and those were my elders, B and S, people who have been in business long enough to know, out of respect. B acted like a know-it-all, I don’t mind a little arrogance cause you need to break some rules to make it, but follow most rules, B’s father was successful, S was smart and successful, V was an angel and liked taking advice. B was just proud like she always was. I had surrendered 30% of my business to B, something made me feel like that spoilt milk would mix with my milk and I would lose the whole of the Naivasha business, 90% production, 10% experimentation, works everywhere in life, relationship, work, business. (to be continued…)

Blood is thicker than water.

27 Dec

(…continuation) B grew up in a really messed up family. I know her father, he used to be seen around Westgate with some young light skin properly thin girl buying her a peacoat, then when they were called Peacoats not trench coats. And you know how much one costed at identity that time. A navy blue one, a red one, a pink one and a navy blue cause the girl begged. Then later he would be seen around lifestyle, in his big car with properly tinted windows. You couldn’t see through it, but when the car door opened, the light inside the car went on, you could see him on the back left typing something in his computer.

Then saying Hi to a well figured, I mean heavy ass carrying girl who would jump into the car and the car would speed off chased by some other two or three cars. No government plates, private everything.

You would think a man like that takes care of his family well. But do you know he has to be reminded. In fact when B threatened to move out after she had had enough stories of her fathers mistresses and what it was doing to the mom, she decided to move out, if her dad was not going to pay for an apartment for her, she would move to a hostel. B rather enjoy the silence away from home than watch his pops coming home late at night drunk doing terrible thing and causing tension. She had suffered when B ran away from home and lived in her own apartment. Her dad refused to pay rent, saloon, took away her car B had to do unthinkable things to make it through. Her dad even called her a whore at one time. After a few months of living in an apartment, downgrading to a hostel, she gave up and moved back to her fathers house. That’s when her father bought her that new Passat she drove at that time.
I remember when I went out with B some time ago, long time ago. Lets just say we were out at ArtCaffe and she ordered a vanilla éclair and I ordered a chocolate waffle. We were seated under those light brown beautiful posh tents, the gas lit fire places, the infrared sensored hand wash in a black bowl that looked more beautiful than magic. Enjoying what they tell me is jazz music, mixed with some updated local music, slow in the background.

“wow, that guy in the white shirt and green suit…”

“which one?”

B turned to look at who was entering the restaurant. There were a few jitters, chatting and he took the attention of the room like a bomb would. B quickly turned and faced down, grabbed her milkshake by the straw and took a big sip.

“you know he is one of the most richest people in Kenya, I hear he even has a flying license, he has a couple of planes at Wilson that he flies himself…”

“mhh huu”

B was smiling.

I went on to tell B that that guy also has a few boats in Naivasha he drags behind his Range Rover, he is rumoured to be trying to buy a submarine in Mombasa and recently he imported some green and yellow Ferrari whose videos are doing rounds on the internet.

“That’s cool.”

B brushed it off as we continued with our date. We spent sometime, finished what we were having. Then I got the bill. Left a tip. Pulled B seat back and we started walking out of the restaurant. When we were already out.

“if we do not say Hi to my dad he will know something is a miss.”

“What?”

I was frightened. I could not compose myself. Was that B’s father, the one that I had talked about to B, Ferraris, then how scandalous he was, then bad mouthed him about his enormous appetite for women. How did B let me say all those nasty things about him without her objecting or anything? Was she smiling cause she has been so ruined by the father that she did not care what I said about him.
B hated her father, but then again, she loved him cause it was her father. At some point B wondered why her father would spend so much in time and effort to this other women, and not to her mother and her family. She was simply tired of being tired of him, I think she had accepted him. I mean B had accepted her father as he was, she had accepted him so much that if he ever came to the house again and caused her to scream and her mother to scream, took out his bad moods and his frustration at work on B’s school grades which she also blamed her B’s mother for. She had accepted her father so much that B would take matters into her own hands, she would refuse to let her father into his own house. In fact she would go to the balcony just above the front door and start throwing his bottles of whisky at him. at his car, break all his shit until his father learnt to behave. That’s how much B had accepted her fathers ways.

B hated her mother in a way cause her mother did not stand for herself, then she felt sorry for her, then she loved the mother, then she hated the mother. Then she realized that it was her father who was distabiklizing the family. She was done trying to build any relationship with her close family, she would rather spend time at her boyfriends. B decided to make one of her cousins her family.

Her favourite cousin was a toned down version of B. I mean, her favourite cousin was like a black faded dress, not a grey dress, if B was a nice black dress, that’s what that cousin was. A faded black dress. I wondered why B had to bring her cousin everywhere we went. When we went for golf, Limuru, Nyahururu, Naivasha, she would bring along her cousin who wore jeans at the golf course and tshirt with no collar. But B could flaunt any golf course rule without a problem, she would talk on the phone on the corridors and pay the fine. To her it was like tax, and additional expense. In fact when B could not get parking in town, she would pack at the road side, leave the car. It would get clamped. She would leave it. Use another car, let her dads secretaries deal with it. She considered it free parking having her car clumped.
I wondered why she always carried her cousin around. She never fitted anywhere. I mean we would have parties where B would be the centre of attention and her cousin would be seated at the furthest corner of the house like she was a house help. People would not be sure whether to say Hi to her or not. And B would bring her next to where we were seated, with her bad clothes, heavy accent and unrefined manners. Until I got used to her. Until other people got used to her.

She was finally accepted, even though B having to literally go back to the entrance at BrewBristo and what not to let the bouncers know her cousin was with us. B having to pay the bouncers to let her cousin in. she finally became part of us, we started talking to her, we started hugging her, some of my friends fucked her, other wanted to fuck her. She was B’s sister. But you could tell she was nowhere close to being B’s sister.

Every time I took B shopping, and sometimes B liked to shop in men’s clothes shop, then open her buttons on half of the shirt to show off her boobies. When B and I went shopping sometimes at Galleria, the shop right above Woolworths and Mr Price, it would be her cousin who always tagged along and B. I would buy B lots of stuff, then we would go back to the car and I would feel I have really spent.

“can we bring you planet yorgut?”

Then B would go back to the shop with her cousin. B would buy everything I bought B iin a smaller size to fit her, and B would charge it all on her card like it was nothing. Then B would hide them in Nakumatt bags so that she would not notice she had bought everything I bought her for her cousin. Her sister twin.

“how is school?”

“Are you working hard?”

“What will you do after school?”

“Where will you work?”

All those questions. She bugged her cousin, but her mentality was that those questions were important for B to ask her cousin. Because if B asked her cousin.

“Are you using condoms?”

B’s cousin would make sure condoms are used on her. B might be a bitch but sometimes I think it is her background that I blame for the way she turned out. I look at myself and wonder what kind of a man I am. I have a farm in Naivasha, it is supposed to be what gives me additional income to my employment. I have another farm in Limuru, it is also supplementary income. I was supposed to have come up with about seven new business plans, in different sectors of the economy. I was supposed to start other businesses, so that I don’t put all my eggs in one basket. Time is running out, we are still young, and the money we should be making is more than we are, so we cannot afford to put all our eggs in onr basket, we need a plan, and a backup plan, and even more and more back up plans, cause one day we will have families. And we will need to take care of them.

B had been so frustrated with her close family, but she had a cousin who she loved like a sister. And B did everything for her, she got her into parties by force. She did not care if you were her friend but if you dared made jokes about her cousins accent B would finish your social life with her money and her standing. She would make sure you never got laid ever again by anyone who was someone. If B could take care of her family like that and she was a bitch, I had no excuse for being distracted from my Limuru farm, my Naivasha farm and other business which the family I would have with V one day would survive on. I simply had no excuse. I had to do something, I had to make more money. I was going to find out how. (to be continued…)

Chasing skirts to ruin

27 Dec

(…continuation) I know exactly where I should be spending my money. I am as certain of it as you are certain that an exam will come at the end of the semester. But even though I know that I still end up getting tempted to spend my money doing the wrong things. Forgetting I do not have as much money as B has. Because B’s father owns almost everything, B can have everything she wants. I have to work for stuff myself. Spend money on generating more money, while B just had a second walk in closet installed in her room as a hanging balcony which is bigger and more stalked than most of the clothes shops I know. Ambiance like Opulence in Galleria, a wardrobe. My goodness.

“I am done with you B, completely; I am dating V. that’s why I blocked your number.”

Then I said a whole dictionary of nasty things that made B want to cry. She begged a bit then she was done begging. I know how temptation is. Especially when a lot is at stake, there I was, knowing very well what I should do is spend the money I had wisely. I had seven new business I wanted to get into in addition to farming which was already doing good, but I did not want to put eggs in one basket. So that one month what I was supposed to do was spend more on business, bringing up those seven business. So that if life marked my exam papers, four out of seven of those businesses will do well meaning I would become successful three times faster.

I know how temptation feels like. I remember B telling me with the exactness of a ruler or a calculator not a pendulum or a test tube that gives all kinds of readings. She told me, how she would be busy doing her own things, just like I would be busy doing work. Then slowly she would know it was bad to lose attention but she would lose it anyways. Start focusing on her temptations.

“Don’t dare download my photo…”

She would say. And there it was. Staring at me. how was I expected to delete it? Her hands across her chest, her big ass facing me, underwear almost of the floor sagging, unedited, raw and perfect, naked and beautiful, I should not have downloaded it. Cause it would lead to a chain of events, desperate. I would start to want her. And I had already told B go to hell, I was ending the affair, I loved V. I knew V was enough, but B was like a cigarette, you cannot just quit her once, you have to quit her slowly. But I had said such mean things to her, there was no way I would see her.
I know how it feels, B told me, she was also busy doing some constructive things, like arranging her wardrobe, the new one, fitting clothes, seeing how sexy she looked in them. And she would know it would be better to watch a movie in the sitting room. But at 8pm she was in bed. She would touch her stomach, then her boobs. Tried to stop herself, cause she knew where it would lead. She started thinking about a specific man, and finally, her fingers would be in her underwear. Hugging her pillow tight, hoping she locked the door, convincing herself that she locked the door. Realising her bedroom would smell of sex, with all the touching she was doing.

Then B’s father would knock on the door. Instead of waiting to be told to get in, she would just get in. B would cover herself at the corner of her bed, her fingers in her cookie jar, she cant dare remove them, she would be caught like a kid with sugar all over her face.

Before her B’s father would realize what was happening in B’s room, it would be too late. The embarrassment will sink in in a very awkward moment. That door should have been closed. Locked. B should have checked.

“am having a head ache…”

“I cant hear you talk loudly…”

“am having a head ache.”

Covered face in embarrassment, then B’s father found out. Walked out of that room never to go to B’s room again. And a desperate man doesn’t know where to stop. I had pissed off B, I had told her we were through. I had just made love to my girl V, but I craved B like a smoker craves a cigarette and a beer wouldn’t just do for him. he knows his drug. I knew my drug. B, I wanted to be done with him, but I knew I could only quit B like a smoker quits cigarette, slowly.

I did everything to apologize. It started small, then I started buying B things. She encouraged it, cause she received them. But for a rich girl like B to be that materialistic, it still incomprehensible, she wanted the same type of shoes in three of the same colors. She wanted to punish me before I could bed her once more. She wanted to teach me a lesson. So I spent, I did all sorts of crazy things. Made videos of myself dancing and sent them to amuse her. At no point did I think I was doing this with a girl that just didn’t care about me but to waste my time.

I couldn’t take no for an answer. I remember once giving B my phone. She was going through my phones the ones for the Naivasha farm. Then I remembered I had downloaded her photos. I couldn’t grab back my phone cause it was too late. All I did was watch her face as she went through the photos. If she showed disgust, then I would know she found them. She hadn’t shown disgust yet. My heart was beating like an angry Mercedes Benz engine that had been overtaken by a Subaru.

The effort that you take to chase love or a one night stand, the way it eats up your mind when you give it space to eat, and it eats more and more and you want to say desperate words like

“I love you.”

You want to ask

“do you love me?”

The things you do. I had a girl back home called V, I had a farm in Limuru and Naivasha that needed supplies, I had employees to pay, I had rent to pay, I had plans on starting new businesses that month. But I was chasing a girl, just like a woman who wants to force a man to love him. at the rate I was buying B things, senseless things like jewellery that costs the price of a small car in apology, B made me watch her burn notes of money. She said she was teaching me a lesson. To her money meant nothing cause she had lots of it. I had turned into something, someone I was not because of letting B eat up my mind like she was. She busted me with photos of her on my phone. At that rate I would be so poor, the time, the money, the time, the time, the time I would have spend building for myself and V something I spent it chasing after V like a tail chasing a dog.
In days, B had the ability to ruin everything I had taken so many years to build. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if I turned into a mouse and roamed the street eating garbage or whatever mice eat. I would probably still be wearing some expensive suit trying to impress B as a street rat. Doing all that cause girls find desperate men so attractive they get wet like they ate cabbage. Being so desperate so much cause when women see desperate men they hold their legs together cause of how wet they have gotten. Nkt, so stupid of me. but as much as B was punishing me from breaking off the affair cause I loved V my girlfriend. She stopped before I ruined myself. Okay, lets be honest, I pretty much ruined my finances then she gave me a loan to pay for all the staff, supplies and what not ii had not paid for.

Then I had sex with B again, didn’t even last seven minutes. I came like an elephant. And after, I realized how worthless the sex was, all the effort I had put. At least I went back to V my girl with more conviction that I really loved her. But I didn’t feel safe cause I knew I was one ignored phone call to B from ruining my whole life all over again. Addicted to chasing after women, addicted to chasing after love, addicted to chasing after B. (to be continued…)

Second wife.

27 Dec

(…continuation) You know women are so complicated. But also men are. Men have been given the responsibility to be horny creatures. I mean the male species, across the board, monkeys, rats name it. If men were not horny, women and men would not be there. If women were horny like men are, we would have human jam, living like three hundred people in one room. Well, if women know men care the most about sex above everything, then why would B decide to let me do to her the things I do to her instead of her boyfriend.

So there I was, in bed with B again, because I started staring at her photos, I started texting her, I should have stopped, but am not strong like you all are.

“its all in the mind, control it…”
With a girlfriend at home, there I was, with B and B has some new boy toy at home. Started with photos, B should have not posted a photo with all her boobies out like that. We are so weak, B and I. soon I was making promises to B, out of desperation, B was maybe lonely, out of depararation or preying on my desperation. I live a beautiful girl called V at home, my girlfriend. To spend money which I don’t have getting a hotel room to spend less than an hour with B. complete nonsense, but I am weak, not like the rest of you. Then B, I don’t know what her problem is, if she just doesn’t love her man. She should just leave him.
There is B, in the bed. I have run out of condoms. She keeps turning to face the otherside of the bed. I keep turning her to face me. I like her face, or is she afraid if I look at her too much I will not think she is pretty. She has her underwear on, we have already fucked. Ten minutes ago or thirty, I completely enjoyed my afterglow. She lets me sleep, doesn’t start talking to me after sex, to water it down, or boil it up, build the love.
My she is grinding on my dic, music is playing. She is pressing hard on me. its weird. Any closer and I would have the way the side of my dic smells, but she is into it, by dic rubbing against her buns. I remember the things we did with icecream… disgusting days, nice days, naughty days, before we had sex. Did everything else. But things I would not want to do again, ego issues.

So now, my dic is in her underwear, and she is grinding, moving, I have no condoms. Cant believe they are finished. We rub, rub, rub, I kiss her neck. I grab her boobs. She reminds my hands that they should be grabbing her boobs. She squeezes her boobs harder with my hands.

“Bite me.”

I stop kissing her. I bite the back of her shoulder a little. She moans, real ones, not the ones B moans when we are actually doing it. I squeeze her boobs until I am afraid am hurting her, she moans. She is in pain. She tells me.

“ouch ouch…”

I want to stop. But am too close. Thirty more seconds, she can handle the pain, then I will stop. Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Twenty five seconds.

“ouch ouch ouch.”

“twenty seven.”

I want to stop. But am so close. Three more seconds. B loves me, she can handle the pain. After thirty seconds, of my biting into her shoulder, excessively squeezing her boobs, my dic in her underwear, drains all over her ass and panties. She doesn’t remove them. It dries on her.

“are you sure drops would not fall all the way to your…until you are pregnant?”

We are out for breakfast at Sankara. First floor, love the glass stairs with the white light. We seat outside. waiting. The waiter arrives.

“Can I have the menu please…”

She starts to explain.

“Can I have the menu please…”

The waiter explains why we should have full breakfast.

B interrupts.

“What he wants to know is how much breakfast would cost, but its okay cause am going to pay for it but he has ego problems…”

And then B goes on to tell the waiter and I how she owns most of Nairobi. Show off, but am used to eat. We enjoy the full breakfast, I catch the bill. Love the like a ten varities of breads and twenty varities of pastries and what not. Where is V my girlfriend? At home. Who is seated across me on the table? B? where is B’s boyfriend, I don’t know? And I still claim to love V. But I love V. Maybe even B was still wearing underwear from the night before.
I rush home, to shower and to wear clean clothes. If V asked where I spent the night. I would say Limuru or Naivasha. I remember I haven’t even told V about the Naivasha business. The whole night before instead of discussing my farm in Naivasha with V my girl, am discussing those intimate plans with B a dirty mistress. Who walks with underwear with dried sperm.

The night before I had discussed with B how I was looking for some other seven businesses to get into. Transport, media, communication, entertainment, sports…cause I was afraid if I put all my eggs into agri-business, and the money doesn’t come fast enough. I would be old fast without making the amount of money I wanted to be making when I am that age. Regardless, am not making the amount I want to be making right now, so we discussed how I was going to get into more businesses. B listened. That is a very intimate conversation a man has with a woman, and money matters should be discussed with his woman. Not any other woman like B. I felt guilty on my drive back home from Sankara and promised I would start discussing business with V, but wapi.
I get home. V is all excited am home, cause she is a good woman. I see she made for me dinner, she slept in the sitting room couch waiting for me to arrive. I can tell cause the bed is still made. She is naïve, she is an angel, or she knows and she has forgiven me.

“Missed you, work?”

“Yeah, work…”

It is Saturday, I want to lie on the bed and sleep and then there is V, trying to unzip my pants and give me a blow job. I start to think about the smells, the smell of condom on me. I lie on my chest cause I don’t want her to reach my zip then smell what I had been up to. It’s too late to decide I needed to take a shower. She will wonder why I need to take a shower. Women cheat the best cause even after they have cheated, they go on without taking a shower, they don’t let guilt eat them. Guilt was eating me, cause I love V, I was sweating. I just did not want V to say it allowed.

“I want to go down there on you so that you can fall asleep faster and better…”

I did not want her to say that. Cause then I would have to turn. And then she would go close, smell another woman on me. Then what excuse would I give her. I wore the condom cause I was busy in the office and my dic was cold? It needed an extra jacket? What if V asked in words, cause you can always ignore a kiss if someone brings their lips close tp yours, but when your girlfriend literally asks to give you a blow job, she expects you to jump up and down like it is raining candy, she expects you to summon all the energy you have even when you are as tired as a watchman’s touch battery. I just hoped that she would not ask to give me a blow job, in fact all the sleep had left me when she started playing with my zip. I was wide awake pretending to be asleep with eyes shut. If someone said something funny on radio I would be busted in my pretend sleep.

“I want to go down there on you so that you can fall asleep faster and better…”

My girlfriend wanted to give me a blow job. She had said it. I was doomed. There was no escape. I had been taking B to parties, where my girlfriend’s friends were present, I had been spending more money on B than on my girlfriend, I would go out with other women and leave the woman I love in the house. I was doing unthinkable things in bed with other women and maybe my girl V was too much an angel to suggest we do those unthinkable things with her. I was slowly turning into B’s father, B’s father whose mistresses drive Range Rover while her daughter roamed around in a Passat yet she could drive a Range Rover.

If I was so bad, so bad, that I couldn’t stop fucking B, then at least I should fuck B in some public toilet and take my girl V for breakfast at Sankara instead. I hated that I had a mistress. And cause I couldn’t stop that at that time cause B followed me like a shadow. I decided that I was going to treat V my girlfriend better than I treated B. and if it did not work, I would date B just so that I could show V my mistress I loved her better. If men are conditioned to treat their mistresses better than their wifes. I would make V my mistress. Cause I loved her to pieces.

“I want to go down there on you so that you can fall asleep faster and better…”

Like an obedient angel V is, she turned and we had sex first. Then she gave me a blow job after I smelled of her more than I smelled of B. I went and showered burned myself with water out of guilt. I then deleted B’s number from my phone. What’s your story? (to be continued…)

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